Save the drama for your mama.

I don't consider that you ditched us but merely you took a long needed break and that's ok. I've done it and so have so many others. We all need a break from here every now and then or it'll consume us and it won't be a thing to enjoy anymore. If you feel differently now and aren't sure what you want, that tells me that you're ready to move on. Nothing wrong with that. Life goes on. What is wrong is lying to yourself about it and your significant other. Another thing, you already know, you should'nt have lied to your boyfriend because it shows guilt even if you haven't done anything. If you did something, always own up to it. It's better that he knows the truth than to find out you lied, that way you can deal with it right then and there and get it over with instead of worrying about "him finding out". In what ever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck!

If your boyfriend doesn't like you hanging out with your guy friends and you care about your boyfriend of 4 years, I'd stay away from the guy friends. Guess it depends on what is more important to you.

Hey girly. I know you said I didn't have to reply, but I felt the need anyway, and why not, since I already read the whole thing? :P Sounds pretty complicated. I can see how you'd be upset over having already given up so much for your bf and still constantly having to isolate yourself from people who would be your friends. I can also understand the impulse to lie because you're doing something you know he won't approve of, even if what you're doing isn't technically wrong. It's frustrating to feel like you have to answer to someone all the time, even when you haven't really done anything wrong. I've been there. Having been with your bf steadily for so long since a young age, it's easy to understand how you might be thinking about a change. And when you're thinking that way, even behaviors that you accepted before can become intolerable. Personally if I were you I think I'd tell the bf that I will have friends, I will choose my own friends, but I won't lie about spending time with them when I do so. *shrugs* When time goes by without you doing anything about it, he's just going to believe even more that it's okay with you that he tells you what you can and can't do so much... and so it's going to be harder to break out of that without breaking off the relationship.