I am pregnant! But the babies father left me!

United States
January 10, 2008 10:15pm CST
I knew the father was capable of disapointing me but I never imagined he would do so to this level. I am six months pregnant and the guy who got me pregnant left me when I was four months pregnant. It was pretty cruel actually, no explanation, he just told me he was going to the store and then I hadnt heard from him until a week later when one of his friends told me he moved to las vegas. He was always about blaming me, a purely mentally abusive and mentally ill man. I am only 22 he was nine years older than me, he had it good I was the best thing that had happened to him but somehow I think he lost sight of that after I allowed him to walk all over me, Im sure he started to view me as weak when he seen how I allowed him to mentally abuse me. I am happy now though, I was devastated at first but my family has been there for me like no other and plus I dont have to deal with the mental abuse and living with someone that completely denies guilt and is a compulsive liar. Now the only thing that is hard for me now is confronting the fact that he was possibly cheating on me while I was pregnant. I found a pair of pink granny panties underneath my futon after I went to my aunts to mourn the loss of my cousin. He ofcourse claims they were a mix up in the laundry on the futon. I stayed with him because I was in denial that he would do that. How can I truelly heal if I'll never know the truth of the relationship? How will I ever trust again, if Ill never know whether my accusations were right or not? The truth is I'm sure I had plenty of reasons to not trust him, obviously he said he was "going to the store" as easily as he said "he never cheated". It hurts but Im glad I am not a victim to his games anymore, Im tired of men drawing you in only to mentally abuse you and cheat on you so I am done with relationships for now until I figure out why it is I allow such mentally ill men to pick me.
2 people like this
22 responses
@jormins (1225)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I think your best bet is to sever all connection to the abuser. It will get tricky since the child is his but I would submit him for child support. My sister opted not to because she was afraid her child's pos father would do something to her kid, but that's a bad mentality to take. See a lawyer if you're afraid of joint custody to see your options but based on what you have said definitely go after him for child support and pretty much stay away from the abuser as much as you can. I wouldn't dwell on the past too much, look more towards the future.
3 people like this
• United States
11 Jan 08
Thankyou, I totally agree I need no connection to such an ill man that has manipulated me and hurt me continuously. Its hard for me to believe now how I let it go on. Yes I am going for the child support I am going to look into it now and as soon as I give birth, he better watch out cuz Im not messin around this time I want what I deserve and I want child support and nothing to do with him, he can go drive someone else crazy for all I care.
@zhwbeast (329)
• China
11 Jan 08
It seems to me that it's maybe good for you left him.As he is a man without little responsibility,I can not think he will give you happiness in your after life. The fact is cruel for youmand also is equal to everyone.The result now was based on that you do not check him at all,although tou can say it is difficult. And now you have hurt from it,and I think you will get better in yout not long future.Take care about your health and being strong,everything will be better.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Jan 08
He never made me happy, only miserable, you are right I should not even care I win if I dont let it get to me. Thankyou for the encouraging words.
@aseretdd (13712)
• Philippines
11 Jan 08
Well, in my opinion... you are better off with him... there is no use dwelling on the bad experience you encountered with this good for nothing man... the main thing for you to do is to try to be strong for your baby... concentrate on how you are going to be a good mother to your child... and about the future without the father... if i were you... i would have left him before he made that move... from what you wrote here... i think he only used you and you let yourself be used by him... Just be careful next time and always think that the baby you are carrying is the only good thing that happened when you met that man... Good luck...
• United States
11 Jan 08
Thankyou, my intentions were never to allow someone to abuse me the abuse only starts when you feel settled down with the person plus I needed a place to live with all my animals and didnt have a job so I was stuck in a rut no one ever WANTS to be used.
@Haiden123 (128)
• Canada
17 Jan 08
Wow... This is what i would do just raise the child on its own because the father doesnt really seem secure. Good luck too you.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 08
Thankyou, well said.
• Australia
17 Jan 08
With a bubby on the way,he is the last thing you should be thinking about.He wasnt the right man for you and eventually you will come accross a guy who is. Concentrate on making yourself comfy and happy and it will all fall into place,look forward to the bundle of joy arriving..and then you will thank him for bringing you such a beautiful thing to help you through it :)
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 08
I am very excited about the lil boy. He will bring me such joy that I have never experienced with any immature guy. I can't wait to teach him the ways of the world and prove to woman that raising a responsible boy is possible.
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
11 Jan 08
I really look down on guys like this - bailing out when the responsibility of fatherhood creeps in. I think it's clear that you should be glad he's gone, out of your life, being the abuser that he is. And I'm sure you can raise your baby quite well on your own, thanks to the supportive family that you have. Don't be paranoid, but be wiser when the next guy comes along.
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thanks, I hate being paranoid I always feel that way when in fact I seem to always have a reason to be paranoid I need to distinguish paranoia and my true instincts.
• United States
11 Jan 08
You have gone through a learning experience,now you have learned the difference between a bad man and a good man.You have time to think about all you went through before the next relationship.You didn't go through this for no reason. You are going to come out of this with a better understanding of relationships.Its not so bad,you will find a better partner next time.Be happy he left,he wasn't good enough.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thankyou so much very well said. He wasn't good enough and he may never recognize that however it will always be the truth. Im staying single until I learn some more about the differences between a boy and a man because I seem to always let my instincts slide and pay for it in the end.
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
11 Jan 08
it was so really bad experienced girl..i had also that kind of experienced when the father of my baby left me when i'm still 3months pregnant..actually, he will be going to the other town to seek a job their without knowing that he courted a girl in the internet and they got engaged..it's really hurting and i cried everynight..it's a disaster for me, now that it's already 3yrs, i already forgiven him and i'm happy with my life right now with my daughter, that's important to me..
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 08
im happy for you now, hopefully hes paying child support
• China
11 Jan 08
cold-blooded animal!!I advise you to leave him and never try to get him back caz he will at last leave you though you fortunately get him back.what a man will be when he could do such a thing.here ,in my hometown the least responsible man will take the responsibility when his girl is pregnant.good luck to you.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 08
Thankyou, what town do you live in? Hook me up? lol
@subha12 (18472)
• India
11 Jan 08
what a cheat he is. he has made you pregnant and left! Oh my God! But i think its better to move on and severe all connections with a cheat like him.I think you can move on and manage with your babies with help from the family. hope all gets well. best of luck
1 person likes this
@mcjeannie (705)
• Philippines
11 Jan 08
I believe there is a reason for what happened to you.That is a learning experience for you to be a strong person and not to commit mistakes again.Sometimes it takes a painful experience for us to see ourselves and learn from it.Things will get better for you and your baby in time.You're better off with an abusive man in your life.What matters for you now is that that are still your family who loves you and standby you no matter what, and that is one you need to be thankful of.In the end, you would realize God had provided you a way out to a bad relationship.So be hopeful and everything will turn out alright.As for your heart, take care of it and let the hurt heal first before having another relationship again. Goodluck!
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thanks, ya I am steering clear of bad relationships not only for a few months but probaly a couple of years. I am not going to let this happen again so I must allow myself to learn how to tell the difference between a cold hearted and warm hearted man, I also must give myself time to learn how to love myself.
• Pakistan
11 Jan 08
i feel so sorry for u
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thankyou, I feel sorry for myself lol.
@dlsheng (136)
• China
11 Jan 08
i think you should take care of yourself. the babies father is a irresponsible man.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thankyou.
@Estina54 (391)
• United States
11 Jan 08
It was a smart decicion to give up on this guy. He left you while you were 4 months pregnant, it was not nice. but it was for the best. Never, never, marry or get in a commited relationship with an abusive guy. It would make it worse not only for you, but also for your child.
@soorimd (301)
• India
11 Jan 08
life is worth living only when you live for others .forget what he has done for you instead you what you can do for your future kid.just think what the kid will expect from you and what if you behave like your hubby who ditched when you most needed him similarly your kid will think of you if you dont take care of him. i think the best part of life is giving and not expecting anything in return
1 person likes this
@lightningd (1042)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Well, I would not have any further contact with the father. I would however, contact SRS and see about getting child support and help with the costs of the birth and prenatal care. You are entitled to that, as is his child. You should know that he will have certain rights to the child such as visitation, however, if he is living a great distance from you, then he will probably not push the issue. Every child has a right to know who their father is. (Speaking from the expericence of not knowing my father, but I know who he is and have met him.) It is not fair to a child to grow up not knowing who it's father is. You apparently have realized that you deserve better than him, and are moving on with your life. I would suggest that you keep moving forward with your life and that of your child's. You do not need him. You will do fine without him.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 08
Sounds like you are better off with out him. Raising kids is hard but raising kids with some one who abuses is harder and will cause damage to the kids. Sometimes when guys take off I think it is a blessing in disguise. I hope it all works well for you. Babies are such a blessing.
1 person likes this
@izathewzia (5144)
• Philippines
11 Jan 08
Well, life must go on. Especially now that you have a baby to take care. Just do what you think is best for you and for your child. Be selfless starting now. You have a baby that needs your love, care and support.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Jan 08
I really don’t know why someone wants to get pregnant with such an unstable man and then keep the child too. You should have done away with the entire episode long time back. You are very young, no need why you should have to burden yourself with a child whose father you have lost track of, whom you cant contact for and force child maintenance on, who is so unpredictable that you don’t even know whether he will ever acknowledge his child and so on. Why did you have to entangle yourself into such a mess at such a tender age. Having a baby is no child’s play, and no matter how supportive your family is, it’s a huge personal responsibility for you.
• United States
11 Jan 08
Abortion is everyones choice but I would personally would never forgive myself if I aborted a child. I see the child as a blessing, I took care of his special education child so I am no beginner when it comes to taking care of children, I know the expense and plus my mother has allowed me to live with her for a period of time because this is her first grandchild, I am blessed for that a lot of people dont get that opportunity but I realize the blessing in it. As for why I stayed in the relationship well I have been in and out of mentally abusive relationships since I was a teenager, I grew up with a bipolar father (whom I still love) so I have always had a mentality that "most" men are manipulative and never admit fault. I agree I should have left him a LONG time ago, and trust me I thought about it all the time but never brought myself to do it. It gets tiring when you enter a relationship EVERYTIME to find that its time to leave.
@karthima (112)
• India
11 Jan 08
So what. It deosnt matters. Is your baby born for your love or did he harras you. If its the sign of your love. U take care of him/her. Noting wrong if a child grows without dad. You be his mom and dad. You wait if u feel he might return . Never be sad while you are pregnant. Enjoy life, think and be healthy. You concentrate on your childs future and work for it.God will help you and make your life comfortable sooner. My prayers for you.
• United States
17 Jan 08
He harassed me, made me think I couldnt do any better. No possible way I actually loved him, I could never love someone who continuously cheated and lied and manipulated and mentally abused me without guilt and always pointing the finger at me. I will not look at the child as a mistake but a blessing, I am happy that I went through the trauma because the child was worth it :-)