January 10, 2008 10:15pm CST
I knew the father was capable of disapointing me but I never imagined he would do so to this level. I am six months pregnant and the guy who got me pregnant left me when I was four months pregnant. It was pretty cruel actually, no explanation, he just told me he was going to the store and then I hadnt heard from him until a week later when one of his friends told me he moved to las vegas. He was always about blaming me, a purely mentally abusive and mentally ill man. I am only 22 he was nine years older than me, he had it good I was the best thing that had happened to him but somehow I think he lost sight of that after I allowed him to walk all over me, Im sure he started to view me as weak when he seen how I allowed him to mentally abuse me. I am happy now though, I was devastated at first but my family has been there for me like no other and plus I dont have to deal with the mental abuse and living with someone that completely denies guilt and is a compulsive liar. Now the only thing that is hard for me now is confronting the fact that he was possibly cheating on me while I was pregnant. I found a pair of pink granny panties underneath my futon after I went to my aunts to mourn the loss of my cousin. He ofcourse claims they were a mix up in the laundry on the futon. I stayed with him because I was in denial that he would do that. How can I truelly heal if I'll never know the truth of the relationship? How will I ever trust again, if Ill never know whether my accusations were right or not? The truth is I'm sure I had plenty of reasons to not trust him, obviously he said he was "going to the store" as easily as he said "he never cheated". It hurts but Im glad I am not a victim to his games anymore, Im tired of men drawing you in only to mentally abuse you and cheat on you so I am done with relationships for now until I figure out why it is I allow such mentally ill men to pick me.