Please could you rate my Poem, " A Land Of Yours & Mine written for my hubby.
By goodbody33
@goodbody33 (170)
January 10, 2008 10:21pm CST
I wrote this poem for my husband and would love to know what you all think of it...
A Land Of Yours & Mine
Take me on a journey,
Eluding space & time.
A trip into forever,
A land of yours & mine.
We'll need no spring or summer,
As the sun will always shine.
Our love will always pour down,
In our land of yours & mine.
Our bodies have no hunger,
No want for food & wine.
Our appetites are satisfied,
In our land of yours & mine.
There is no use of language,
For songs, poems or rhymes.
We understand eachother,
In our land of yours & mine.
We'll always be together,
A promise we both did bind.
No need for any other,
In our land of yours & mine.
Hope you liked it and thanks for looking..
1 person likes this
6 responses
@Helpingfriends4uu (150)
• India
12 Jan 08
Your poem gets 10/10, really ur poem was wonderful, each and every lne of ur poem was really touching especially the line "There is no use of Language, for songs, poems or rhymes.We understand eachother,In our lanad of yours and mine." had really touched me.
@goodbody33 (170)
•
12 Jan 08
thankyou, your comments were lovely, sometimes when i write my poems they just happen, if you know what i mean. I have to be inspired. If i sit and try and think about writing, they turn out terrible.. :-)
@goodbody33 (170)
•
11 Jan 08
awww bless you, yes any tips on keeping the love alive would be gratefully recieved lol
@patgalca (18181)
• Orangeville, Ontario
11 Jan 08
It is a beautiful poem and really expresses your commitment to your relationship. I hope your husband is touched by it. I write poems for my husband but he's not really into poetry so he just says, "That's nice, Dear." I hope you get better appreciation. This poem sure deserves it.
@goodbody33 (170)
•
11 Jan 08
Sorry, you made me giggle when i read your reply. Thankyou for the lovely comment, my husband is pretty much the same.
Some men just don't get it, mind you i do get breakfast in bed and romantic meals cooked for me so i can't complain...
@sojournseeker (1244)
• United States
11 Jan 08
Too much concentration on rhyming, although the words chosen evoke credible response in describing a feeling of greatness in 'the land of yours and mine'--I am not a fan of rhyming poetry, I look to the flow every three or four stanzas to show continuity but constant line-for-line rhyme is so geared for people not letting their creative expressionist run freer . . .
just a thought not an insult or put down for your feelings are wonderfully expressed as you know best !
sharing the light and happy new year,
Miss Erica Hidvegi, the Enlightenment_Advisor, B.A. Psych/M.A. Transpersonal Studies- Cnslng/Author, Artist, Photographer, Entrepreneur & Freelance extraordinaire
http://www.authspot.com/Poetry/What-would-it-be-like.4569
@goodbody33 (170)
•
11 Jan 08
Thank you, constructive critisism is always welcome. I appreciate you being honest and will take your views onboard...
@glitzypurple (1477)
• Philippines
11 Jan 08
Very sweet poem! I'm a poem lover and writer too.. I'm sure your hubby loved it! :)
@malibu_barbie_mag (250)
• United States
11 Jan 08
I loved it!! I think it was REALLY good :) your a very good writer; and i'm sure your husband will love it!!
@goodbody33 (170)
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11 Jan 08
thank you so much, i love writing poetry but i really have to be passionate about what i am writing about. I have also written one for my grandson who's nearly a year old, i may post it on here at a later date..
