Would it be right of me to talk to him about this?

Canada
January 23, 2008 9:15pm CST
I've known this guy since like 5th grade. He's an amazing guy and one of my closest friends. I love him like a big brother and I'd do anything for him.. Well, he's liked this girl for a while now and he finally asked her to be in a relationship with him.. She said yes. So here is my problem.. I feel the only reason she said yes was because he asked her to her face and she didn't want to upset him. She doesn't talk to him at school, but she flirts with every other guy that walks past her. He tries to talk to her and she won't say more than a word or two back to him. Would I be right to talk to him about this? He's such a soft hearted guy and I feel like all he's going to get from this is a broken heart, but I don't know if I should try talking to him about it, or just wait and be there for him if he gets hurt.
3 people like this
8 responses
@Darkwing (21590)
25 Jan 08
I've read through some of your responses here, and your comments on them, and I noticed that you had started a relationship also? In fact, you said that you fell out with this girl for that very reason? So... do you think that she may only have accepted your friend's invite into a relationship to get back at you, for some reason? It certainly sounds that way... almost as if she's trying to prove something to you. Perhaps she had designs on the guy you are now seeing, or perhaps she's just jealous of the fact that guys like you, and not her. I don't know, but something doesn't ring true. Here's what I would do as a test run. Invite your friend and the girl out with you and your boyfriend, for a meal or something. Get to see first-hand how they are when they're out of school, and make your own assessment from there. After doing that, if you are still feeling uneasy about the situation, I would probably confront her first, although that could create a sticky situation in that she might go telling tales to him, on you. Perhaps it would be better to approach your friend as there's possibly more trust there, but be gentle with him, don't bad mouth the girl, and just give him space to work things out for himself. I'm sure things will pan out in the long run, one way or the other, but maybe he already feels she's doing him down at school, and feels too embarrassed to say anything. He seems to be a very caring sort of guy, who hates to upset anybody, and it would be such a pity to see him hurt by this girl. You're a good friend to him, and I'm sure he'll listen to anything you say. Good luck and Brightest Blessings.
• Canada
25 Jan 08
I definitely know she isn't doing it to get back at me. My boyfriend is one of those guys you find really cocky and like an a-hole if you don't get along with him, and she doesn't get along with him..at all. I don't know what she could be trying to prove to me. He treats me perfectly and she's the only one of my friends that doesn't get along with him. (long story that I wont get in to. lol) I have friends that have seen them together outside of school and I guess the only time she's ever really close to him is when they're at the movies or they're away from public. She's a very "out there" kinda girl so when I see her giving him the cold shoulder, I almost feel like she's embarassed to be with him. And I don't want him to get hurt. Thank you though for the ideas, I'll definitely be thinking about it.
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21590)
29 Jan 08
You're welcome, but I feel you need to know what your friend's feelings are about the way she has been treating him. He may be fine with it.
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
24 Jan 08
Maybe airing your concerns for him is pretty much okay. But then let him decide what is best for him. Just show him what you feel is likely to happen and I think that is enough for him to decide what is best for him and her. He's pretty much lucky to have you as his friend though at least there is one person that will be concerned if ever your guts would come true.
• Canada
24 Jan 08
Thank you. I would never straight out tell him I think he made a bad decision with her, but I don't want him to put his heart out and try so hard to grab hers then have her just let him down. I hate seeing him hurt. I will wait a bit, I'm hoping she's just easing in to the relationship 'cause I know it's been a while for her too and she's just not comfortable with it. But I've seen the way she acts towards other guys, she has no problem flirting and showing them affection.. But she won't even stand next to her own boyfriend. It's just annoying.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
24 Jan 08
Well you can always tell him slowly and so as not to hurt his feelings. Don't delay it any further...
@michelyn (717)
• United States
24 Jan 08
Unless you also have some type of relationship with her, I would ask him about the way things are going with his "new" relationship and leave the door open for him to approach the subject first. If you just start bashing her to him, she could turn it around to you being jealous because you like him and just couldn't tell him... or something along those lines. If he doesn't see anything wrong with the relationship or the way things are going, then just make sure he knows you are there should he need to talk. You can always remind him of that without attacking the girl.
• Canada
24 Jan 08
That's what I was planning to do.. Just ask him how things are going and see what he says to me. This girl and I were good friends till the start of semester in September, 'cause I started dating someone she didnt like too much.. But I mean, I notice the way she acts around him and I think he deserves the best, and he isn't getting that from her.. I'm just gonna wait a bit longer to see how things go then ask him how it's working out. I wouldn't downgrade her to him though, I don't do that kind of stuff.
• United States
24 Jan 08
What grade is he in now? I feel it's a hard choice to make here. he can see what she is doing at school. If she is not talking to him. She may just want to keep it private at school. She may even be guilty of not liking him. I am not sure she would say yes because, of being in front of him. Does this guy have a nice car or have money or something? I say wait and be there when he falls down.
• Canada
24 Jan 08
He's in grade 12 now, and he hasn't had a girlfriend since him and I dated (this was in 6th grade.. when relationships weren't actually relationships, you just called eachother boyfriend & girlfriend. lol) he drives and all that, but I mean he's so shy and he's trying so hard. I just don't like how she has no problem flirting and hitting on other guys in front of him. I don't want him to be let down and I think he's just trying to ignore what she does. I don't know. I guess I'm just protective. I don't want his last year in highschool to be a letdown because of her. And he's never been one to handle hurt too well.
• Philippines
25 Jan 08
I would suggest that you talk to him and say the things you ought to say. If your really his friend, you'd help him out and tell him what his girl's been doing. That's the least you can do to give him some support. Plus, it's better if he gets hurt now than later in their relationship. The longer he's hidden about what his girl's been doing, the harder it would be for him to take the damage. So it's best that he knows everything now.
@SheraD3 (207)
• United States
25 Jan 08
If I were in your situation I would think about how I would want him to handle it if the situation were reversed. Would I want him to tell me if he knew something about a situation with a guy I was dating? I personally would want someone that I were close with to let me know what was going on. Although if you do choose to talk to him, keep in mind that no matter what you say its possible he may not listen to you.... sometimes no matter what we do people have to learn and figure things out on their own. But if your friendship with him is strong then he will realize you care about him and are trying to help him out.
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
24 Jan 08
If you are as close to him as a brother/sister type relationship, then he should be open and love the fact that you care enough about him to warn him or worry about him getting hurt. I would definitely talk to him and just explain the way that you feel about this situation. It might hurt his feelings a little, but i think in the end he will respect and appreciate you looking out for him. keep us posted and God bless
• Philippines
24 Jan 08
Well,I feel that you should talk to him about this.It isn't right anymore.Talking to him is one little but great way to save him from heartbreak which might lead to any untoward incident.After all,you are his friend so you'll only do what is best for him right?