When a child commits suicide do you blame the parents?

United States
January 29, 2008 10:17pm CST
My 14 yr old nephew committd suicide this past Oct. He and I were very close and he showed no signs of depression or anything. I know my sister in law is messed up in the head and had done all kinds of things to upset him all his life which is why he lived with me on and off. So I blame her for his death but I feel guilty at the same time because I felt like I raised him too so am I to blame as well. I always thought I was his "safe person" that he could turn to, guess I was wrong about that one. :(
5 people like this
9 responses
• United States
31 Jan 08
I am sorry for your loss. I don't think you should put blame on anyone in general. It may have been other issues, not just living situations. That age is so rough for children these days.There is so much pure pressure. How was school,friends with your nephew??
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
31 Jan 08
Oh dear, don't blame yourself for this at all. It's obvious that he cared alot about you or he would never have come to you as his safe place. A lot of times, when a child is that young, i have to blame the parents. i mean, at that age, what is so awful that they feel that is the only way out? I believe that it was his parents fault, whether is wasn't getting the attention he so desperately needed from them or him being abused. i don't know the situation, but something made him feel this way. I'm so sorry to hear this to. I know it must have been so devestating for you and i will be praying for you on this. it's hard to take, i know. God bless you though and just remember it's not your fault.
@elisa126 (166)
• United States
31 Jan 08
I'm so very sorry for your lose. First of all get into some counciling, you dont know what was going thur his head,no one knows but him, You took him into your home and loved him, teenagers now days are so more into peer pressure, its so sad to see this, I lost a son in 1994 in a hunting accident( not comparing this too what your going thu)but I too had so many questions, I was a cna for many years,and I couldn't save his life, all the training in the world didn't help, I felt so quilty for so long,That I quit working as a nurses asst. I went thur many months of seeing someone, Dont blame yourself,god only knows why this happened, so please see someone and talk about it with them. My hubby's 2 brothers both killed themself's deep down they were troubled which his parents didnt even know about, Just belive you did what you could,and pray for guideness, I wish you well.
• Canada
31 Jan 08
thats sad, sorrry and a hard question as well, ITS not 100% her fault at all there are times when its trully not the parents fault at all ( which might be rare) and fault is not maybe the right word the parents should know wHats going on with their children !
@jayie35 (67)
30 Jan 08
i am sorry to hear you have losted someone you love.....my family lost my bother in law a couple of years ago,he did this in there home one night after a drunken night out,my sister is very messed up from this as she blames herself but i believe he (as an adult)made a discision a long time ago to do this one day.he had tryed as a teen but was found before it was to late,now my sister has moved from her house to try to rebuiled her life..the point to me is we are all on the edge at sometime in our life may be love money or someting els pushes us to the edge some of us can cope and some can not,but we we are vunerable at some point in our lives............once again i am sorry................................xxxxxxxxxxx
@Galena (9123)
30 Jan 08
I blame other children. it's disgusting how children are allowed to torture each other at school. it destroys lives.
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
30 Jan 08
First I am very sorry for you loss. You probably provided some of the happiest times in his life. Mental illness isn't anyone's fault; not yours, not his moms & not his. I'd guess from you saying his mother was messe up, that she also suffers from mental health issues. Your nephew had both a genetic predispostion & was raise by someone with her own issues.
@cdparazo (5768)
• Philippines
30 Jan 08
I am very sorry to hear about your nephew. If i am in your case, i would feel guilty too and will keep on asking myself what i had not done or did that made me do such a horrible thing. But as I see it too, we can only do as much good and help him. His mother can only also do as much to make him feel bad, but at the end of the day the person's values, decisions and actions is his alone. One cannot force one to do something no matter what if its really against the person's inner conviction. I may say that the mother is partly to blame and should have watched her son more closely, but then again, the mom can only do as much. We are all responsible for our actions and decisions. I pray that he is now resting in peace and may the light of God guide him.
• United States
30 Jan 08
Ya know this is a hard topic to reply to, no1 wants to say anything wrong. Plus, you sound like you need a counselor or a therapist. He sounded like he was very sad. Trying to put a front on the outside so you wouldn't know. He was probably very good at that, it was probably a life achievement of his to appear normal. Cause he probably felt horrible about himself..But thats all I want to say..ya sound like you need more help than I can give ya without me being scared you'll take something to seriously.