You had your partner's family, what do you do?

@winterose (39931)
Canada
February 19, 2008 11:51am CST
Many relationships break up because of outside interference, I know so many people who are having problems with their in-laws, yet their partner refuses to see it as such. Would you try to get along with your partner's family just to please your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, because you know it is important to him/her, or would you put your foot down and say no way am I going to be treated like that and it is up to you to speak to your family about their behaviour
3 people like this
9 responses
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
Well a lot of people deal with their in laws and it is just part of your marriage life.. You can't turn them away or not receive them into your home .. even you want to do the most evil thing for them to move out of the house you can't. Being considerate at all times, if you don't like what their doing then say it coz you'll always be the boss around the house no matter what.
2 people like this
• Canada
23 Feb 08
I would never get along with people I can't stand, just to impress someone. Walker and I have had many wonderful discussions about how to handle family conflicts, and we both agree. My father is coming to see us here in Arizona, in a couple of months, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous. He and my Dad are from two totally different worlds. We're not sure how it will go, but we'll have to get together first, in order to find out. If they don't get along, I know Walker will be nice enough to TELL ME ABOUT IT. If they don't get along, it will be between them, and them alone. Sides? I'd try to stay neutral unless one of them really takes a knock at the other. I'm just "what-if'ing" here for the sake of this discussion. Yes Dad and Walker are like night and day, but there really shouldn't be any problems. I'm a little "nervous" but not really worried. I may have to explain the two of them to eachother, but that's probably all I will have to do. LOL
1 person likes this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
23 Feb 08
it may all work out fine, if they can both be responsible level headed adults
1 person likes this
• Canada
23 Feb 08
You're right about that. They both have their MOMENTS on either side of the line. Both can be extremely levelheaded, and both can go off, at times. My gut instinct is that it'll go OK, but my gut is also telling me NOT to let my guard down.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
20 Feb 08
My relationships always broke up because the guy I was with just could not be faithful to me. Now in my marriage, we have had alot of ups and downs over the years due to his children and his siblings as well. Well, one of his sisters. she always wanted to talk about his previous marriage even though it was not a happy one. she would never include me in their conversations. She acted like I didn't even exist. I got tired of it and did not want to go there anymore or be around them. He couldn't undertand it for a long time but he now sees that his sister did not want us together and his children do not come around because they did not like me being with him from day one. I do what I want to do and how I feel. I take his feelings into consideration but i have to do what is best for myself.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
20 Feb 08
good for you
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
20 Feb 08
Yeah. I hate to be mean to anyone but I am the only one who will look out for and protect my feelings.
1 person likes this
@KEBELG (2)
• Australia
20 Feb 08
my mother-in-law , i am informed, alledgedly put a contract on my life. In the past 2 years i have been shot at , attempt of kidnapping me etc.....sickly this didn't stop at those failed attempts and they just kept going on and on. I say that a couple should first and foremost apply a rule of putting each other first, without being selfish! Take all threats and unhealthy comments by in-laws very seriously and do not ever take it for granted that prevention is better than cure and if you have the time to talk about issues then do so. If a relative appears to be concentrating on just too close comfort, then support each other and do not blame each other, but protect anyway and get some advice from a professional or advisor. Take anything that doesn't feel right in your gut seriously and seek out some opinion. kg
1 person likes this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
20 Feb 08
how horrible
• United States
19 Feb 08
I love this question for it is a good question. I am with someone for nearly 5 years and we have been through a lot of drama due to people from my side. I have had only one problem from someone on his side and that is his 22 year old daughter. From day one, she has never accepted me. I wanted to get to know her because she is a part of the man I am with and thought it to be important. I have 3 boys of my own and my eldest was giving him a hard time at one point as well. His daughter is extremely rude and disrespectful and he is supposed to be moving in with me but I told him "no way will she live here in my house". I have tried to be nice but now, if we see each other in the street, we act like two strangers passing each other by which I don't like but it's a two-way street isn't it?
1 person likes this
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
20 Feb 08
it REALLY SHOULD BE A TWO WAY STREET, BUT WITH SOME FAMILIES YOU ARE ALWAYS THE OUTSIDER.
@MsTickle (25014)
• Australia
25 Feb 08
In these circumstances I've found that no matter what you do the family won't accept you. It's like you're damned if you do and damned of you don't. Some families will go out of their way to push a family member's partner out. Their reasons could be many and varied but it's my guess that the feeling is that someone isn't "good enough". If you take a stand and say "Enough!" that's when they agree and suggest you leave...or hint at it.
1 person likes this
@mykmari_08 (2466)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
It really depends on the situation at hand. If the reason behind they're staying with us is primarily financial in nature, then I guess there is no way that they're going to leave us in the very near future. But personally, I'm a calm person and I prefer living with people in peace; whether officemates or relatives or in-laws. I believe that there is a reason behind every person's varying behavior. If ever any problem will arise regarding my spouse's family, I'd be very open with my husband and tell him how I feel. It's up to him to do the next move. I'm a married woman of five years with one daughter and I can say that I've encountered such problems in our marriage already. His parents aren't living with us, but I can see that my husband still listens to what his parents say. It doesn't mean that listening to parents is bad but sometimes; particularly in marriage, some things are better communicated and talked with your spouse first(house and lot to be purchased, car, child's education, bills, etc).
@Swaana (1208)
• India
19 Feb 08
It is difficult when anyone interferes be it inlaws or someone. But when it is inlaws you are forced to accept them for the sake of your spouse. But when it the interference gets overboard, it is for us to put our foot forward and let our points and views to them very clearly. But you have to take your views only to your partner or spouse and not to your inlaws. But all this have to be done with great care so that it will not affect your relationship with your partner or spouse.
1 person likes this
@Ldyjarhead (10161)
• United States
19 Feb 08
I'd have to say it would depend on the situation and who was the problem. If there is a family member that is just basically an obnoxious person, I'd be less inclined to be cause a ruckus about it and just try to avoid the issues as much as possible. If it was say, a mother in law who was absolutely making your life miserable, I'd do my best to come to a compromise with my spouse. There's the issue of respect to their parent, but once married, the spouse should come first (unless you are being completely unreasonable). I'm sure there are as many opinions on this as there are possible situations.