Horrible Movie -- Jodha Akbar

Jodha Akbar -- Extremely boring movie - boring
India
February 20, 2008 11:18am CST
What an absolutely horrible movie!!!! What an incredible buildup in marketing and absolutely pssstt… no delivery at ALL!!!Hrithik Roshan as Akbar – tanked so bad, he couldn’t have been worst cast in that role. That simply was NOT his role to do. The guy comes across as this nice, sort of guy all caring and compassionate and whatnot. This is Akbar – for crying out loud! Mughal emperor, king of intrigues, warrior, politician. It would be impossible for him to be Akbar without having at least a few evil moments. Hrithik plays him like he was a warrior-monk!!! You can practically see the halo around him. Aish has one look – sort of a wide eyed – I-am-so-fakely-innocent – she doesn’t manage to snap out of that look even once. Not once does the glazed look in her eyes disappear. When I saw Guru, I thought, could she possibly be more dead if she tried? She responded lethargically here by playing MORE dead!!! You are JODHA AKBAR for crying out loud. Freaking title role in a blockbuster movie, could you possibly show an emotion or two? Apparently NOT!The movie actually starts off on a promising note on a war scene that appears to be well shot for like 10 seconds. Then deteriorates from there. It goes downhill so surprisingly fast, that by the end of the first ½ hour, you know you are gonna be bored outta your mind. Then you fall asleep after an hour, wake up due the cacophony of some really BAD music. Throw popcorn at the screen hoping to shut the suckers up. But alas!!! It continues to drag, and Drag and DRRRRAAAAGGGG for a full 3.5 hours. At the end of the movie, you walk out feeling all refreshed from your cat naps that you are bound to take through the movie. Lets follow the story line (at least those parts for which I was awake) . Akbar is portrayed as a sissy-boy who stands at the sidelines looking all pained and harassed as various wars are fought and extras are fakely dying around him. Then he fires his most loyal general for being too bloody and begins a reign of fake-mercy. I say fake-mercy, because he’s still sending threatening letters to all and sundry kings to merge with his kingdom else he will annihilate them. If he really was all that saintly, why the hell didn’t he stop threatening the kings? So one of the kings being threatened is Jodha’s daddy. When he tries to make peace with Akbar, the other Rajput kings break off relationship with him. Which includes the breaking of Jodha’s engagement. Apparently, she’s heartbroken – or so we learn later from her daddy. The director probably couldn’t get her to play the emotion of heart-broken so decided not to show us that directly. Anyway, so daddy-dearest visits with Akbar who happens to be dancing with an elephant at the time. Yea an actual elephant – whatever… too boring to elaborate. Daddy presents the marriage proposal, Akbar says he’ll think about it. Whaaaat???!!!!Then Akbar goes off to pray at the Ajmer Sharif and there is some quasi-political-religious thingie that happens that convinces him to accept the marriage proposal. Then apparently, and I didn’t quite understand why, but both parties – the bride and the groom parties decide to trek out in the middle of the desert for the marriage ceremonies!!! They setup huge tents there – bride gets the red tent, groom gets the green tent and everyone else is in white tents. Awwww… it looked chooo pretty. Then the bride-to-be in the middle of the desert, sitting alone in her red tent, suddenly wakes up to the fact that she’s marrying someone outside her religion. Has a controlled little fit of sorts with all proper decorum and princessy language, and summons Akbar to her tent. He saunters over just like that. She wants assurance that she can continue to be Hindu and keep her temple. He comes out with great fanfare and fake rage and then just capitulates while calling her a cool babe or something like that in mughal-term equivalents. I think he meant to call her ice maiden, but nice guy that he is, he ended up calling her cool babe. So they proceed with the dual wedding ceremonies followed by the one and only good song of the movie. It was a soulful sufi number that could have been better. But it was probably better than the rest, so I’d say not bad. Somewhere during the song, Akbar has some kind of enlightened moment and starts dancing with the Sufis. That was sorta cool. Then comes the wedding night, when the bride cold-shoulders the groom and you kinda go… whaaaaa???!!! So nothing hot happens and he goes off to sleep by himself… yea right! Anyway, he takes off in the morning and then she follows at leisure at some point. Finally, she ends up at the palace and is introduced to the in-laws. All are really good to her with the exception of one villainess. So then starts the most boring part of the movie – which goes on and on and on for an eternity. Nothing of interest actually happens. Hrithik strips down and dances with a sword in front of Aish to impress her. She’s dutifully impressed. She takes over the kitchen and cooks to impress him. He’s dutifully impressed. Ho humm*yaaawwwwwmmmss*Then some palace intrigue happens and creates distrust in Akbar’s mind. In the middle of all that courtship and whatnot, he just shuts down and kicks her back to daddy. She goes off quietly without a fight or anything. Then he figures out what’s what, and goes to bring her back. She’s supposed to be angry. We know this because the other characters in the movie (including Hrithik) are telling her not to be so angry. But you don’t actually ever see her being angry. You’re just supposed to believe what the others are saying while she looks all dazed and glazed and heavily made-up. Then Hrithik tries to win her over with a sword fight. He wins the fight, but she reneges and refuses to go back with him. At this point, you wanna walk upto the screen and congratulate him on getting rid of her. I mean, if as viewers we were so bored with her, can you imagine actually living with a plastic doll like that?! But Hrithik is such a nice guy, he says to her something along the lines of “I know you’ll come to me because I will win your heart.” And then he leaves. Whaaat?!!!! Then Akbar does some field research and launches a marketing campaign to improve his image. Campaign is wildly successful, proving once and for all, how Paris Hilton got to be successful. In fact, the marketing campaign is so successful, it brings Jodha back home without Akbar having to do anything more to win her heart!!!Then after a failed assassination attempt, they finally get it together. There is this totally fake romantic scene where two very beautiful people who are absolutely aware of their own beauty and careful not to smudge each other’s makeup and camera angles, somehow manage to indulge in a fake make-out session that wouldn’t fool a two-year-old-kid. Then some more family politics happens, which gives Akbar a chance to appear even more merciful and somehow a little stupid while Jodha rides all over the place (away from the action scene) quite pointlessly. But she manages to turn up at the right place in the end when she stands around looking pretty and confused as Hrithik and a supporting actor battle out one-on-one the right to be emperor of Hindustan!!! As if!!!!!! And that’s the end… of the movie… mercifully. Wow… how boring was that!!!Seriously, I wouldn’t even recommend that you watch it on DVD. Definitely, not worth the time. Even AR Rehman gave up on it, the music was so terrible. I wouldn’t have believed it was AR Rehman’s but I actually saw the credit given to him onscreen. Sucked!
2 people like this
14 responses
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
21 Feb 08
dear tweety sweety, phir se chappar fad kar barsaat kar di....lol. I have not seen the movie , so I will comment only after I have seen it. Have a nice day dear. see you soon. Do you still see lil champs.....did you see how AAmir hafis's brother behaved..........
2 people like this
• India
21 Feb 08
Hi my dear I see lil champs only while having my dinner .. My didi told me about Amir hafi's case .. I guess he was a son of auto rickshaw driver and they were very angry with his elimination .. and they created a drama on the show .
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
24 Feb 08
Yeah, Amir's brother spoilt image of amir by behaving so cheap , many people had offered help to aamir , I hope they will not change their minds. By the way I saw koya koya chand.....what bakwas movie.......I closed it in the middle.......could not understand what was going on.....lol
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6612)
• Israel
18 Mar 08
Dear sweetytweety, I finally saw the movie Jodha Akbar, and somehow I did like the movie.....I am not expert dear, but I will tell you the truth...I liked the movie and will not mind seeing it once more......I think they put lot of effort in the movie.......there are many minute noticeable interests, well pasand apni apni dear....this definitely has nothing to do with our friendship........and I still love you.....have a great day dear.....BTW. what is your opinion about this new rock and roll family......nahar and maolli........
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18454)
• India
21 Feb 08
so it went horrible. thanks for saying the review. i don't know why, i think Hritwik does not fit into these types of roles. I think Ash is very artificial type of actor. she lacks emotion and all. She may be good loking, but thats it. Still i think many people will still see it as films are made more commercial way.
2 people like this
• India
21 Feb 08
I agree that Aishwarya lacks emotion .. yes dear people will definitely go and watch this movie because of the controversies and all.
@Buchi_bulla (8299)
• India
21 Feb 08
You really had wonderful patience. Apart from enduring the Best Boring for 3.5 hours, you even described it in so many words so that other people need not endure compulsorily. If it is me, at least for paying through nose about 150/-to 200/- for one ticket apart from spending for auto not less than 130/- to and fro, I will, as duty bound, watch the movie, at least for Ash's beauty. But my children, mercilessly will get up and go out. Actually Ash does not know acting at all. Even in some English Movie review, it was written so. It is just due to her beauty, she is so hiped up. Any way thanks for your review. I will neither step into the theatre for watching this movie, nor watch DVD and waste time. I have better business to do. At least read some pages in Sai Satcharita. That will give some peace to me.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
HI Dear Thanks for your response :) .. is Sai Satcharita a book ?? By it's name I guess it must be on Sai God .. Right? Let me know more about the book please :)
1 person likes this
• India
22 Feb 08
Hi Dear, Sai Satcharita is a book consisting of Sai Leelas occured in many people's lives, when Sai Baba was alive. It is numerous and I tell you, after reading that book, you instantly feel like going to Shirdi and falling at the Stone on which Baba used to sit and give darshan to people. I hope you must have at least once visited Shirdi. There is Dwarkamayi, the Masjid in which Baba stayed. There is always the Dhuni, the fire that Baba had and used to give ash from that to people as blessing prasada. Before that Masjid, there is one room like thing in which the Stone on which Baba sat, the grinding stone that baba used, the place on the wall where he used to rest his hand and stand and talked to people etc. etc. are there. I kept my face on that stone and cried like a baby. I remembered all the happenings that took place there when Baba was alive and I felt I have gone to that time and Baba is sitting before me. Dear, this book is written by Hemadpant alias Dabolkar with the blessings of Baba and why he is called Hemadpant, why he wrote that book, everything is there in that book. You come to know of so many things about Baba and you literally go to that age. This is not just a book. When you want a prayer to be attended to, read this book seven times and your good prayers are attended to. I did not get my flat for 15 years. When I read seven times, at the end of seventh time, I got my flat. My niece's marriage was on rocks and she could not decide what to do and was in a confused condition. I told her about this book. She started reading and now her problem solved. My friend's mum was to be operated upon. When she completed seventh time, her mum has gone to the operation theatre in chennai. Suddenly Doctor said let me check again and took another scan and was surprised to see the problem no longer existed. Like this there are so many incidents. This book is like Gita and Bible to all Sai devotees. You read and then you will know. It is available in the internet. Just go through whenever you can or bookmark it and read everyday a chapter or one or two pages. I read at least some paragraphs everyday before going to bed. Four days back my cat escaped and my husband was scolding me for not catching the bag properly while going to vet doctor and so it escaped. I prayed Baba, you got the mare to some one after two months, in the book. I opened the bag so that it will get air circulation, viz. good intention and it escaped and it cannot find food on it's own and die as it is weak. Please get my cat like the mare that you got for somebody. You know dear, withing 1/2 an hour my cat came home. Search in internet as Sai Satcharita you will get it. If possible buy the book. It will be in Baba Temples. I feel like gifting it to you. But Baba's temple is far. Let me try. In the mean time let me see in the internet. Sorry the answer is long. Thanks and Best of Luck. Let Baba's grace be with you in all your endeavours. After all you deserve it. You are so helpful to others. Your friend.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Feb 08
Hi My dear friend Thank you soooooo much for the valuable information you wrote here about the book .. May God Bless You :)
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
22 Feb 08
Hi sweety, That was an awesome review!! I came in just in time when I was hoping to go for it. (On Saturday to be precise). I will change it to some other for sure. However, I did not have much faith on either Ritwik or Aish. So, It was much as I expected except the music part. Being a great fan of Rehman its indeed disheartening to know that it didn't work either! Great review. Full stars. A complete info.
1 person likes this
@balasri (26554)
• India
23 Feb 08
Thanks Mimpi. If not The Prithiviraj Kapoors definitely not the Hrithik. And what is Aish trying to prove faking that innocence forever?
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25454)
• India
23 Feb 08
...LOL.. well said, bala.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Feb 08
Yeah I agree Bala is simply right :)
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
21 Feb 08
hi there, i fully agree with you it was mere waste of time. i went for the movie, but was not able to understand anything in the movie. To my surprise the theatre was empty on the fourth day of the release of the movie.theres nothing greatin the movie, the songs are equally boring.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
Lolz and specially the hard names -- Jalaluddin and all were like -- who are all these persons ?? Lolz
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
22 Feb 08
seriosuly the names the language cud only be understood by me if at all i was hearing it patiently and with interest..there was no story
1 person likes this
• India
22 Feb 08
Yeah I totally agree with you buddy.. I really don't understand where the story was moving??
@anonymili (3138)
20 Feb 08
So you didn't like it then? LOL Ok I'm joking. Considering I hadn't even heard of this film till I saw it mentioned on this site itself. Don't think I'll be watching this anytime soon, I guess they were trying to recreate the screen chemistry Hrithik and Aish had in Dhoom 2. I do think Aish is beautiful but she's not the sharpest tool in the box and she's certainly not the best actress, although she gets so much coverage... Still have to watch Om Shanti Om which I hear is way better than this offering from Bollywood. x
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
Hi Dear You haven't seen Om Shanti Om till now .. it's a nice movie -- go and watch it :) .. SRK is looking really good in the movie and Deepika Padukone (the new actress ) is awesome :)
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3138)
21 Feb 08
Bollywood - A Bollywood fan devised this do you think?
Thanks for your recommendation hun. I have actually got the film on DVD which I bought in India on my recent trip along with Cash and Saawariya and Mumbai Salsa and Goal and various others. The only one I've watched so far is Goal, because my husband hates watching films but because it was about football I just about got him to sit through it with me LOL! I will definitely start watching the others soon, I think I have to wait till I have a completely free weekend where we have no invites to parties or birthdays or weddings or christenings and have a movie fest (think I'll tell hubby to work lots of overtime that weekend as he won't let me watch a movie in peace) hahaha!
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
Hey that's a great idea :)
• United Arab Emirates
21 Feb 08
I have not seen the movie but I heard the songs. It is lovely and very nice. About the movie, I will comment later after watching it. But, taking the movie as a whole, it is well made. I am not talking about the actress or actor. I feel the movie is made in perfection. About the movie, I read that it clearly displays a message in the beginning that the story is imaginary and not real. I feel the likes and dislikes totally depend on one's personality. Every body has a right to express their views. Enjoy the music .....
• India
21 Feb 08
Hello friend Yes I agree that everyone has their own likes and dislikes .. very well said :)
• United Arab Emirates
21 Feb 08
:)
1 person likes this
@ashsumi (29)
• India
21 Feb 08
k..so u didnt like the movie....but there are others who saw it and enjoyed it.....and akbar was a compassionate king........go and check ur history book..and u said that hrithik is not suitable for that role....... but it is the efficiency of the actor to potray wat ever role has been offered to him.....which he has done very efficiently.....and i think no one could hav done the role except him.....u also didnt notice the grandness of the sets of the movie.....how each and every deatils were looked after......so try not to be so judgemental.....and let others hav the oppurtunity to watch the movie.........
1 person likes this
@jithinsb (520)
• India
21 Feb 08
well said friend...there are people who watch movies just to scream for 2 hours,not to see what is happening in it in detail..and what i don't understand is why don't those people just go and watch movies like welcome,dhol etc...that kind of movies will make them enjoy..not this kind of technically brilliant movies..I don't understand when these are going to grow up and think out of silly cheap comedy crap movies..
• India
21 Feb 08
Dear ashsumi I am not stopping anyone .. do you think I can stop anyone like this ?? It was just my own review about the movie and so I wrote it .. I hope you can see other people comments on this movie as well -- who didn't liked the movie. Everyone have their own likes and dislikes and I feel it's not bad to share.
@niitesh (1656)
• India
24 Feb 08
well it seems all the great directors have made it a point to make a flop movie this time round, first it was the grat sanjay leela bansali wh had never directed a flop with sawaaryia now its ashutosh with jodah akbar
1 person likes this
• India
24 Feb 08
Lolz .. yeah .. I really don't understand what happened to these great directors :)
@dpk262006 (56098)
• Delhi, India
22 Feb 08
OH! What a review! Dear, it would be better, if you become a 'film critic' (the director of the film may not like your canded review), believe me, I am seriously telling you.. You have narrated minute details of the story and those who have not seen the movie so far, will get an idea about the movie. After going through your fair and frank opinion about the movie, they perpahs are not going to waste their invaluable money on watching this movie. I have only read its reviews and I found that in some of the reviews it was commented that the movie is 'Superb' and some reviews rated it as an 'average' movie. I was not clear about the movie. But your detailed review has made the picture very clear to me. I will think twice before spending my hard earned money on this money. Thanks very much for providing us all the important details and your comments about the movie. How are you? have a great weekend! Deepak
• India
23 Feb 08
Hey Deepak .. I am fine how are you buddy ?? Great weekend to you as well :)
@Graagh (95)
• United States
21 Feb 08
I'm so glad that you said this; people have been trying to get me to go with them to see it for so long. "Oh, you'll love it" they say, but if it is even half as horrible as you say it is, I'll tell them no thanks I won't waste my time. Especially with the length of these sort of movies. Three and a half hours is just ridiculous, even for a good movie (which apparently this isn't.) Thanks so much for the warnings!
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
You are most welcome dear :)
@samar12 (991)
• India
20 Feb 08
Oh God it look slike you have a lot to say about that movie. Was it so bad that you wrote so much about it. I just read half of what you have written above. I did not personally see the movie yet and tobe ownest I didn't have any plan for watching that movie as it looked like boring to me from the start. I personally like Hritik Roshan a lot after seeing him in Dhoom too but he did not look good in this movie. He is looking stupid in a way and the character does not suit him at all, no doubt his acting is amazing. It looks like a copy of some of Hollywood movies- as always;)
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
I am sorry that I wrote too much about this movie .. but dear yes .. it was really so bad. I am glad that you read atleast half of what I said about the movie :)
1 person likes this
@limcyjain (3523)
• India
20 Feb 08
Thanks for warning us not to waste our time and money on this movie. I am not going initially for this movie but then the controversy in rajasthan just added to some excietment but after reading your review i am now just sure that i wont go for this junk.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
Yes it's good not to watch this movie
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
21 Mar 08
For a chmage liked the movie & i don't think the music is horrible.It might be that your taste is different but many people have liked the movie as well as movie.
1 person likes this