should a 42 yr old woman get pregnant or not?

@ruthinian (2311)
United States
February 22, 2008 9:51am CST
I'm 42 yr old and just got married recently. I have no child of my own but I am raising a 6 yr. old autistic boy from my hubby's failed relationship. The boy is his third kid. The first two children (both girls, working and in a relationship too) from his first marriage are both normal. He smokes pots until now... his boy's mother is a druggy and a bi-polar. I am afraid that if I get pregnant my own child will also be abnormal since my hubby still do pot every now and then. Will it affect my child if we decided to have a new baby?
12 people like this
22 responses
@Debs_place (10551)
• United States
22 Feb 08
At 42, I would be more concerned with Down's syndrome then autism. You should check with your doctor before making such a decision. I know several women had babies in their 40's with no problems but their hubbies did not use pot.
2 people like this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
thanks for the response, yeah i heard about that too, and equally troubled. Down syndrome and autism are equally scary.
• Australia
22 Feb 08
I don't see any reason why you shouldn't get pregnant but from what I hear there are some more risk involved for someone trying to get pregnant when they are older. However, my sister is 35 and she is not going to start trying until she is 36. I knew a woman who got pregnant when she was around 40 and she had a beautiful healthy boy. However, my ex husband's aunt had a baby when she was around 38 and he had Down Syndrome. It's all a matter of chance in the end but it could happen to anyone at any stage in their life. My only concern is that your husband smokes pot? Could you talk to him and ask him to quit perhaps? I mean, he's old enough that you would think he would want to anyway. No offense....
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Of course, but sometimes you don't want to take chances specially if the decision you are going to make is leading you to point of no return. thanks friend.
1 person likes this
• Australia
25 Feb 08
I definitely understand that. I hope it all works out for you!
• United States
22 Feb 08
I don't see a problem with getting pregnant at 42, but, if you are worried about your husbands lifestyle maybe you should discuss that with him before you have the child.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Yes, I guess too. He even promised to stop, he said he just need time. I know it's not that hard to do it since he has been doing it for 30 years now.
@babystar1 (4236)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I dont want to tell you what you should do, but if that was me I sure would not want to get pregnant at the age of 42. But there are a lot of women that do. I would talk to your doctor and see what he has to say about it, since your husband is smoking pot.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Yes, I guess so. It's just that I wanted to feel a complete woman you know... I never had a kid of my own, I married late (just last year).
@kykidd (6825)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I don't see any reason why your age would be an issue. You are still very young and people are live well into their 80's and 90's today. Maybe even longer by the time you get to be that age.
1 person likes this
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I'm afraid my kid will be autistic too.
1 person likes this
@Alloy42 (373)
• United States
23 Feb 08
If you really want to have another child, I'd say talk to your doctor. The risks are very high for mothers above 40 and get higher every year you wait. My best recommendation (as a high risk pregnant Momma myself), especially with your concerns over your husband's habit, is to look into adoption. There are a lot of kids out there that NEED a loving family.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Thanks for responding anyway... it's okay. Adoption is still not in my mind. I know there are lots of kids you needs family but if I can't get pregnant, I have a step-son who is autistic and that would be sufficient. And even if I consider adoption, i dont think my husband would like the idea because he had 3 kids already and we dont have enough money to go through the legalities of it.
@Alloy42 (373)
• United States
23 Feb 08
Note: My wife posted this comment from my account because I forgot to log out. I am NOT female, sorry for any confusion. *takes mackerel to helpful_ideas's tush*
• United Arab Emirates
2 Sep 08
Hi, I am 42 years old and I want to get pregnant too, I have been married for one year and a half, after six months of my marriage I got pregnant but unfortunally I had misscarage on the 10th week and the doctor told me that the baby stopped developing after 6 weeks,and my husband used to smoke pot as well!when i had the misscarage I thought it is bcause of my age and my eggs are no more in good quaility to concieve, but know after reading all this comments I am thinking it might be because of my husband,now I moved from the us to dubai and I am trying my best to get pregnant to a degree I am having stress each time I have my period, i wish I can concieve again and my age is still strong to hold a baby especially my husband stoped smoking pots here in dubai,i wish the best for you and me
2 Oct 08
To all you 42 year old ladies who want to get pregnant, RELAX and go for it. It is NOT highly dangerous as some have said,but the risks are higher for miscariage and Downs particularly. We are all different and I don't want to sound smug here but I and my partner both smoked and drank and yet managed to convceive at 42 (all naturally)- so please be happy to hear that it is not impossible. The bonus is as you get older you have more chance of having twins! We had 2 beautiful healthy babies(I was 43 & 5 months old by then) and a trouble free, healthy pregnancy. I am writing this just to offset the doom-mongers as it does make a difference - throughout my pregnancy no-one ever made a big deal of my age and the assumption that all would be fine really helped it to happen that way, I believe.
@ledouxs (64)
• Canada
25 Feb 08
I'm glad I could be some help. I have read the other posts on here in regards to your situation about autism and down syndrome. They are highly advanced now and there are plenty things you can do to prevent both even at your age. They also do several test throught out the pregancy to detect whether or not your child had these things the test for down syndrome at 18 weeks this I know for sure I have had two babies of my own as you already know. I think you should before trying t get pregnant talk to your doctor about your concerns and start planning how to deal with these things if by chance it happens. Another thing about your husband and pot I would have a talk with him and tell him if he doesn't want to quit to do it else where so you have no problems with child services that what I did with my guy he also smoke pot and I simply asked him to go elsewhere and do it he did for a while but now he's been sober for a year and a half and he feels great he can remember things and enjoy the life he has with our daughter and my daughter which I had in another relationship but he has accepted my Mercedes as his own.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
My husband only do pots now and not likely to do it for long. He committed to stop for me but he said he needs more time. I can understand because he has been doing it for 30 years... it's not that easy. And I dont even see him do it. He never smokes in front of me or in the house. Only when he sees his old buddies which is very seldom. I just know that he did when I smell it in his clothes or hair. And yes, my doctor said I will be closely monitored. Thanks for the effort. take care.
@ledouxs (64)
• Canada
25 Feb 08
I also thought the same with my first about the pot thing but my doctor told me it goes by the mothers intake not the fathers the only thing it does to the male is lower their sperm count so it might be difficult to concieve. And as for your age if you think you can do it go for it I know a lady who has been taking care of someone elsesbaby since the baby was 3months old and that baby is now 2 and this lady is 60 so if you feel comfortable enough with yourself to have a baby you should there is no greater joy
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Thanks for your response. This is what I really want to hear. I was thinking the same, but you know, I need affirmation. I never had a kid of my own, I married late (last 07/07/07) and just married for 8 months, and it is my first and hopefully my last. And I just wanted to have my own family.
@psyche49f (2513)
• Philippines
24 Feb 08
The risks are high, especially that you're over 40....and another factor which can trigger the fear of abnormality on your unborn child (if ever) is the fact that your hubby does pot, which again is a potential high risk. However, if you're really desperately need to have a baby, you just have to check it out with a doctor which specializes in the so-called genetic counseling (I'm not sure if this is the correct specialist) who can adivise you as to the risks and whether you can go for it or not. I'm sure your doctor will give you the pro's and con's of such pregnancy. I admire you for taking care of an autistic child who is not even your own. But my point is: somebody should really take care of the boy. I hope you are getting professional help and education from autism organizations in your place so that he can really be helped. God bless....
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Thanks. We are considering professional help for him. I have a Master's Degree in Psychology too but my knowledge and expertise just wont work. I cant be objective in this household since I am a new-comer (PLEASE CHECK MY OTHER DISCUSSION... "THE MAKING OF A BRAT") and from another country. I know you know what I mean... i can help other people but i cant help my own family. The boy's autism is borederline. He only seemed a spoiled brat, and his autism symptoms are few. I guess, with his temper he is more bi-polar. But i can be wrong. My husband has also committed to quit and doing his best.
• United States
24 Feb 08
You may want to have a serious discussion with your husband about his lifestyle and maybe make some changes together. You have a right to have a fear--and keep this in mind, a man's sperm do not age. Women's eggs age. So your husband will have the sperm of an 18 yr old and you will have the reproductive system of a 42 year old. You may also want to consult your OB. Good Luck!
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Yes, we talked about it and he also committed to quit just need time, i understand because it's hard if you are doing it for 30 years. i dont even see him do it, i just smell it in his clothes or hair and it not always.
• Aruba
23 Feb 08
if your doctor says it is ok at your age because i'm also a 42 mother of 2 and why not i would like to have another baby at my age if my doctor says it is ok for me. so give it a try
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
thanks... I will consider it. My doctor said i will be closely monitored when I do get pregnant.
@ellie333 (21030)
23 Feb 08
Hi this is a difficult one for you, not having any children of your own it is only natural to want one. 42 is a fine age to have a child. I was nearly forty one when I had my little boy. However, I do understand your concerns re the asutism. My borther has a boy who suffers with asperges and it is hereditry on the fathers side I believe and asperges is on the austistic spectrum. My brother and his wife decided not to have another child because of this and my nephew actually now after years of being not allowed in state schools goes to a specialist weekday boarding one where the teacher ratio to pupil is 1:6 rather than 1::31+ in mormal schools. This has helped him a lot. If you really wanted a child that much I would say go for it and there is a 50/50 chance of child being a girl, but it is a serious decision and one only you and your new husband can make together. I would suggest that you stop smoking pot even if it is only on occassion, it wouldn't surprise me if his ex-wifes bi-polar problem didn't stem from that too as it has been proven that its effects can lead to mental health illness. Good luck with what ever decision you make. Ellie :D
@dette47 (19)
23 Feb 08
Hello, I had my baby when I was 37/38. I had no problems at all through my pregnancy and after 14 hours of labour I had my beautiful perfect son. I am now 47 and I have one regret and that is not having another child. I hsve stated the reasons before on the site why I didnt, ther was too many other not so nice things happening over the past 8 years. I would have a baby if I was 42 again, in fact probably up to the age of 44/45. Think about it and don't leave it too late as I think i have now. As for the "pot" I wouldn't worry too much about that.
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Regret... that is one thing that I dont want to deal with later on. I married late.. just last year. I have all the reason to be pregnant now and I want to do it. Just a bit worried. And so thanks. It helps to hear other opinions.
@kiran1978 (4139)
• Australia
23 Feb 08
I do not think you should deny yourself having a baby just because you are 42 years old. There have been many women that have been known to fall pregnant at this age and had healthy babies. Also as for your hubby smoking pot, I have heard from doctors that is has no effect on your baby. It only effects the baby if you smoke pot whilst you are pregnant. Of course if you are pregnant and your hubby smokes pot in front of you then that will effect the baby through passive smoking. Talk your worries through with a doctor that might help put your mind at ease and help you make decision on having a baby. All the best :)
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Oh thanks, I had this idea too... I just need confirmation. And doctor said that I just need to be closely monitored if I decided to get pregnant.
• Canada
23 Feb 08
I am by no means a doctor but I do know that having a child after the age of 40 is of great danger to both the monther and the child. I suggest tlaking to your doctor about all the potential hazards that having a child at this stage in your life can bring. you doctor will also know everything about your medical history which we do not know. If your doctor gives you to go ahead then I wish you the best of luck :)
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Yeah, my doctor told me it's ok but I will be closely monitored. Thanks
@jhl930 (3607)
• United States
23 Feb 08
You should watch trying to get pregnant at 42 for a few reasons actually...for one the obvious is that your husband does pot and that will affect the baby...and that can cause alot of birth affects...and I have also heard that when a woman trys to get pregnant later on in her life there is a possibility that something could go wrong with the woman or the baby...so just be careful and really think about this before you do anything!
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
Yes, Thanks for your response. I will consider it.
@NCgirl (488)
• Philippines
22 Feb 08
my mother had my youngest sister when she was 44, it's a risk pregnancy though, but it went well. I think you should ask your gynecologist about the chances of getting your future baby be affected with your husband's pot sessions.. But I don't think so, I heard some stories like yours, and their babies just went fine.. Goodluck! :)
@ruthinian (2311)
• United States
25 Feb 08
thanks... I need prayer for that. I wanted to be a mother... that's the only role I have not played yet. And I am confident that I will be a good one.
• United States
8 Apr 09
I turned 42 in December 8th, it is now April 8th. I got pregnant ib February, but lost it. I have now missed my period, and I only had one since the miscarriage. I have no biological children, and want to have at least one. Nowadays, more and more women are getting pregnant in later years. I think that you should go for it. Your child will have plenty of friends that have parents in their forties and even fifties-adoption... My friend has 2 young, adopted, perfectly healthy daughters, 7 and 2. She is 54. So, if your ob/gyn says you are healthy, then I would go for it! Good Luck to you-and to me. Maybe someday are kids will even play together-LOL-it could happen.
@sid556 (31037)
• United States
2 Oct 08
I don't think moderate pot use will be of any harm to the baby. Heck my husband was a heroin addict and my children are grown now and all perfectly fine! I have 4 children and became pregnant with my last when I was 39. She is 14 now and perfectly healthy and again...that was 14 years ago!!. 42 is not that old any more and if you are in good health, why not? I have no regrets.