Patient & Doctor

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An old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: OH NO! That's awful! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??? Doctor: You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you. Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory? Patient: What pills? The resident began his examination of an elderly man by asking him what brought him to the hospital. The man replied, "An ambulance." How do you tell the difference between male chromosomes and female chromosomes? Pull down their genes! A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the businessman a fee for his services of $5000. The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things: 1 screw $ 1 Knowing how to put it in $4999 $5000 total The businessman never argued. A professor watched while a mechanic removed engine parts from his car to get to the valves. A surgeon, waiting for his car being repaired, walked over to observe the process. After they introduced themselves, they began talking and the talk turned to their lines of work. "You know, doctor," the professor said, "I sometimes believe this type of work is complicated as the work we do." "Perhaps," the surgeon replied. "But let's see him do it while the engine is running." A man walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" "You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word."