My mother past away...
By bkettrick
@bkettrick (13)
United States
March 25, 2008 8:56pm CST
Just last week my mother past away. She was only 56 and she went in her sleep when in heart stopped. I'm only 17, and I really have no idea how to handle this. I have a younger brother and two younger sisters, and our father is a deadbeat. There's so many things right now that we have to deal with that I know we aren't ready for, and probably never could. I'll start off with my sibling situation. We don't have much family, and the family we do have doesn't have the ability to just accept four children into theirs lives. The best case scenario for us right now is that we'll each get taken in by someone else, but I'm not so sure that happens. This is whats been killing me. We are the only people we've got left. They're all that I have left, and we need to stick together, especially in a time like this. The thing is, I think we're going to be split up into foster homes. How can that happen to us. Where's God. I lost my mother, and now I'm going to lose the only three other people I love. I don't want that to happen. I love them to death, but I'm only 17. I know there's nothing I can do. On top of this, I've been depressed. My mother meant the world to me. She was the only one to take care of me. She was here my whole life, and without warning, she's gone. Do you have any idea what it's like to have your youngest sister run into your room crying hysterically saying that mommy won't wake up? If you don't I pray you never do. It's the worst moment you'll ever experience. But I love this woman so much, and she can't just be... gone. I don't know how I'm going to live with myself. Honestly, suicide's run through my head a few times. More than a few times. I know people are going to tell me I should see a psychologist, but I don't want to. Right now, I just want to go like my mother and be with her. How am I going to lead a whole life without her? I just wanted to get it out there, somewhere that people will listen, somewhere people won't see me cry, and I knew I could do it here. If you're reading this, thank you for listening, and thank you for caring.
9 people like this
15 responses
@Courtom (287)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
Wow, I am so sorry for your loss. I think you need to take care of your siblings, they need you. By taking your life or considering to do so, would only bring more harm and hurt. You love your mother, and your mother loved you, and she would definitely NOT want you ending your life and leaving her other children behind. If anything she wants you all to live on and make her proud.
@bkettrick (13)
• United States
26 Mar 08
Thank you. It just seems so impossible that she's not here and we are. It just seems so empty without her here. I don't know what to do without her. None of us do. She's always guided us in life, and for the first time she isn't here to do so. All 4 of us are lost, and I know you said I should be here to take care of them, but I don't know how to do what our mother did. I could never be the person she was, not even close to it. I don't think I can do them much good. I guess you're right. It might be selfish to leave them, too. But I just don't know what to do for them. That's my worry right now. What can I do for them. I feel like... I don't know how to put it into words. It's a horrible feeling though. I guess you can say I feel starnded, and they do too. Do you have any idea what I should do?
1 person likes this
@Courtom (287)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
You are seventeen, I am sure, if you do your research, search the web, and community centers, even child services can help you. depending on the ages of the other children as well. You can possibly find financial support through the government, most child services don't want to separate. I do not know your current financial situation, what money was left to you, if any, but you have a piece of your mother in you, a little of her will always live on through you and it is up to you to carry her with you. You should be proud of who your mother was, and be proud of yourself, like she is of you. Make her proud, you can also talk to school counselors to get numbers and help. Raise awareness in your school and community, local radio stations etc, they can work miracles to try and support you financially
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
26 Mar 08
Your post troubles me, i can only imagine what you'r going through. I know that you are overwhelmed, and feel distraught but life is so much bigger than you. You asked where is God he is where he always was right by your side. He loves you although you may not think so. I can not begin to tell you how much i'm hurting for you right now. But before you do anything drastic think about what your mother would want for you, you said you'r all your siblings have, do you think that they could bear to lose you? Please dont do anything out of grief. Things may seem unbearable now but they will get better. You just have to trust that you can get through this,prayers changes things. And i'm praying for you.
@HawaiiGopher (1009)
• Belgium
26 Mar 08
First, you have to calm down and try to rationalize a bit. I can't even begin to put myself in your situation but you must think about what your mother would have wanted for you. Would she have wanted to see you this sad?
Try to talk it through with a friend or with an adult. It's times like these where you must find comfort in something or someone. Isolating yourself will only cause further depression. Do not inflict that upon yourself.
Just try to remember all the good moments you shared with your mother. Try to keep an optimistic viewpoint. I'm not saying you should hide your emotions, but seeking guidance from a psychologist IS the best solution. One you've done it you'll slowly start to feel better.
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
26 Mar 08
I have said a prayer for you and your mom. You have no choice but to grow up fast. Be strong. You are now the head of the family. You are to take care of your siblings. I am sure that is what your mother would want. You might have to get a job. I'm not sure what the laws are in your country, but if you can demonstrate that you can take good care of your siblings perhaps you'll be able to stay together or at least regain custody of them later when you reach a certain age. You can do it!
@701douglas (2)
• United States
27 Mar 08
I'm sorry for you to lose your mom. I don't know how old your brother and sisters are but, they need you to be strong for them. I am 64 years old and rasing my grandson since he was one month old. I'm not sure you would have to get a job. You should contact social security because I think you and each sibbling can collect enough money to stay together. Call 1-800-772-1213 between 7am and 7pm. Also go to www.socialsecurity.gov to find information about beneifits available. Don't give up if someone tells you that their are no beneifits available. I'm sure you and your sibblings will be elgible to receive alot of money each month. If you have ask Jesus into your life you can receive strength thru him to get thru this and help your younger brother and sisters who will probably look to you for their support. If you havn't accepted Jesus as your saviour you should consider doing so. He can help you with the hole you have in your heart. He has help me in so many ways in 64 years. I feel for you and will keep you and your sibblings in my prayers.
@suhasinihemanth (11)
• India
2 Apr 08
Hi I will not say sorry to u, not because you are not supposed to be sad but because you are not in a position to feel sorry about, knowing the fact that you cant change what ever happened i thing you should now start planning, have more focus on what to do next, though i know it is very difficult. The reason why I am telling you this is because now that you are just 17 your sibling would be much younger, who is there for them? Do you want them to suffer like you? Understand that now its time that you become stronger, tougher by heart and more matured, Let people understand that your mother who has been with you only for 17years had taught you so much in such a short span of life which not many woman can do. Its just the physical disappearance of your mom, she would always be with you, bless you and guide you( you might not realize it for long). If you don't wanna go to a psychologist don't go, you don't require one, just tell those people who ask you to visit one, that its none of their business as they are not undergoing what you are, I don't know about financial position but all that i can say is that since you are in my lot which means you have internet access, there are several other free earning programes, just get started. As far as separation with your siblings is concerned, try avoiding it, if it doesn't help, agree to it but ensure its for a short while, Please be of immense support to them. You being the eldest you have to take this, God sees all his kids as one hence don't ever doubt if God is there or not. Don't think why am I talking all this nonsense, its out of my experience, understand I am not advising any thing dear, just suggesting. Once you are down emotionally, its very difficult to come back. You need to be alright to take care of others.
@sherrir101 (3670)
• Malinta, Ohio
26 Mar 08
I am so sorry for you and your family. What pain you must feel is unimaginable.
You mom sounds like she was an incredible woman. Keep her proud by finishing school. That should be a goal. Make her and you brother and sisters proud of you. Do what your mom would have asked of you.
Remember we are all just a PM away if you should need to talk more. Keep your chin up and remember that it is rough right now, but it does get better in time.
(((HUGS)))
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
Hi bkettrick, I am very sorry to here of you mother's passing, It is sad when someones goes so young and leaves young children behind. You must try and be strong for your younger brother and sisters, that is what your mother would want you to do. I know that you too are young, but there has to be someone who can help you find the right people to contact. How old is your brother and sisters? There may be a way for you to stay together, but in any case, be sure that you keep in contact with each other. It seems that you have a big responsibility for someone so young but you can do it. Your mother will always live on in your heart, just remember that and be strong. Blessings.
@DESMASTER2007 (1130)
• United States
26 Mar 08
Sorry to hear that. Everything is going to be alright. You can endure, this situation. So just stay strong.
@livintx49 (245)
• United States
26 Mar 08
I know you can't be thinking straight.It's understandable.You are stronger than you realize.Are you sure there isn't someone who could help? By all means talk to a counseler or teacher.It's going to be a hard road but I bet you can do it.Get the movie "Gracie's Choice". It's a true story.I wish you the best and all of us here will listen.With you just being concerned about your siblings shows how strong and in charge you are.
@madlees (1377)
• India
26 Mar 08
Dear Dear Bkettrick,
I just don't know how to express my shock at hearing this. It is very very bad to get hit under the belt like this. Losing a mother is very bad and that too when you are all such young kids. What happened dear? Was she sick? Why was this so sudden?
I can understand what it is like and what you would all be going through. You have to pick yourself up, look after your young siblings.. If you feel like this can you understand how your brother and sister will be feeling? Just get hold of yourself and be for them. That is the duty and the responsibility of an eldest at home. You have to be the mother and father for them.
As you say it is easier for you to think of going with your mother and be happy. but it is not that easy. Everyone has a time. Once you are born in this world a time is fixed for you to leave also. GOD has created a play for us. We come into this world like an actor acting out a scene. Once your part is over in the play you are called back. As far as GOD is concerned your mother's act is over. He called her back. There were no more scenes for her. That's all.
So Darling, please do take care of yourself and your siblings. I am a mother and that too nearer to your mother's age. I can understand your plight. All the best dear. GOD Bless you and give you enough mental strength to deal with this.
@Nushka (75)
• Argentina
26 Mar 08
I'm really sorry for your lose.
Before you do anything dumb, think about how would the rest of your family feel if you were gone too. I believe that your siblings are seeing your mother in you, don't leave them alone. Think about the ones who are still with you. Is it a big responsibility? That is life and that is why we love to live it, embrace it, you will grow stronger.
I wish you the best of what life has to offer.
@wnbwnbwnb (426)
• China
26 Mar 08
I feel really sorry about everything.But you know,that is the real life.
Actually,one of my close friend lost her mother when she was 15.At first,her relatives didn't tell her the truth,but one day, she heard about it from a friend.It was really a hard time for her,you know,a little kid,have no mom,and even didn't have the chance to meet her deeply loved mother for the last time!
But life must go on.you know, sometimes, this catastrophe is a decorated gift from god.I believe you will get strong ever after!
Come on,my dear friend!
@xxxitaliaxxx13 (179)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
wow man my heart goes out to you, and i thought i had it bad recently but you really put things into prespective for me, i no its terrible but in reading your post it made me appreciate my situation and realize that there is worse out there, but that its soo bad! i like to say i no how your feeling but i wouldnt know the half of it. about the suicde i think that its a normal feeling to run through your head but its not the answer and i think you know that, you need to be there and be strong (i know that ti is hard) but you have to lead your family unfortunatly youve been forced to grow up much faster than everyone else with this situation! So you and your family will be in my prays man. i hope things get much much better for you nobody deserves that.. sorry for you loss, hope i was able to help even a little
@lonewolfnan (4366)
• Canada
26 Mar 08
Giving you my condolences right now will probably mean little to you.One thing you have done is already started the first process of recovery;acceptance.It is a positive step that you found a way to express your emotions(just putting it on paper is a great start) and when the time comes,you will seek out any additional help you might need.
You are 17,so you are probably in your final year of school.Step 1 for you is to finish the school year as best you can.That is one of the few things you still have control of.Many of the other problems are not within your control.You are a role model for your younger family and it would do them(as well as yourself) wonders to see you fighting on.
I did lose my mom when she was in her ealry 50's as well,but that does not mean I know how you feel.We all grieve in different ways.Do not be afraid to show emotions in front of others.
