Brother and sister, good relationship, then bad... to worse.

Thank for the advice. My brother and I used to be very close and even though he has moved away for over 10 years, we kept in touch alot a nd he calls me often to sit and just talk about nothing.... (things were great up until 1 year ago) When he met his fiance, this was still great. Up until she moved in with us for a summer job that went on for one year. I did take your advice and told him that we need to talk. I knew he was coming to town and called him to let him know first hand that I like to spend some time to talk and clear the air. He arrived for 4 days but did not make the effort to try to talk to me about the problem. I was so heart broken knowing that he knows both sides of the story now but has not made the effort to talk to me. One very good example on an incident that got me regretting letting her stay with us. My future sister in law did this one day. She asked to borrow a blanket- which I gave lend her our newest one we have at home. A week later I notice that she did not used the blanket to keep her warm. Instead the blanket is on the floor. She use it as a mat so she can have cushion on her butt when she applies her make up etc. So my blanket which I always kept in good condition was stained with her makeup, it was also full of dust balls, and dirt from being on the floors for so long. I politely asked her to stop using my blanket for that purpose instead she replied back she has back problems and she needs cushion for her butt to avoid prevent additional strain to her back. So I suggested that many sports store have mats available that she can buy and use for that purpose. (oh she did not have a dresser, so she applies on her make up with a small mirror and she sits on the floors applying that) She refused to buy the mat and insist that I was being inconsiderate to her back pain condition. I don't know anymore. I did not realized it was my responsibility to provide accessories to accomodate her pain. When she claims she is cold, I lend her my blanket but she lied about I was lost for words, she was using my blanket for all the wrong reason and getting it dirty. I wanted to make sure the blanket was still in good condition for my kids when winter came around. But instead she continued to use my blanket as a mat and it was dirty. issued #2 (out of hundreds) Right before she left, She requested I close lock up her room. (she was renting a room from me). She left her new bed and dresser, and will be moving it back home in six months. So for the time being, she wanted me to lock up the room until she returns. I was kind enough to let her keep her stuff there but I will need to use the room my daughte was suppose to move back into the room. She been sleeping with me in my room. However, her request had more meaning because she totally showed me that she did not care about me or anyone else. Nor did she show any respect by demanding such. Now that she has moved back, i am slowly recovering from the fustration and dissapointment. I wanted to help my brother and offer my house to her. In turn I lost my brother. It is saddening. I will miss him.

He likely feels a conflict as well. He is probably afraid to offend his girl friend. You should write both of them a letter, making sure not to say anything negative about the girl friend in your letter to him. Tell her that you wish to begin a new with her, and that since you both love your brother it is important for you to get a long for his sake.

Thank you. yes long distance can be costly. Not to mentioned the time difference. When he gets off work he has about 15 mins to talk before he gets home. But at that time I am still at work and cannot talk. When I get off and calls him he is already at the gym and cannot talk. Then when he gets off from the gym, I am home and no time to talk because I have to young children at home who needs me. I don't know what my son's reason is but I am hoping he will tell me soon.

My brother and I have been close even after he moved away. he moved away right when I had my first born so I was a mess myself and could not help him. but he still kept in touch with me and called me all the time. He remembered my birthdays and called me each year. I agree being in person is not the same as being on the phone. We are five years apart and he is my younger brother. As a young child, I bathe for him, fed him and took care of him because both of my parents worked long hours and had no time for us. He was very close to me too, he come to me for everything. I just wished I could rewind back time and do two things: Do not agree to letting her stay with us for the summer Agree, but inssist that he also move down too. then i would not be in this agonizing position. Thanks for reading my post. I feel better just writing it all down.