can a friend be your lover

India
April 8, 2008 6:25am CST
hi guys, what do you'll think Can only a good friend be a lover? do you think the relationship would ever remain the same. I have a dear friend. we get along real well, infact always have a few laughs together. to be homest it has played on both are minds for a while now. Although the relationsip would never move any where from there. Would it ruin the friendship? would we stop laughing together after that? would we be able to share the same sentiments? or would we start taking each other for granted. Love to get some views on the same.
4 people like this
16 responses
9 Apr 08
Nope it definately wouldn't ruin your friendship. I haven't had this personally but a few friends of mine had been mates for years before becoming a couple. At first it might be a bit awkward because of the change, but after a while it'll be like normal!
@luskas (3430)
• Portugal
9 Apr 08
Yes i think so... My wife was 10 years my friend until i married her... I mean we still friends:P. Of corse that could ruin many friendships cause being good friend is not the same as dating or something.
• Philippines
9 Apr 08
yes it's very possible. most of the relationship started as friends. it's a good start since you're already know each other since then.
• Malaysia
9 Apr 08
Most people starts off as being friends first before they take their friendship to another level and start a relationship together. We can fall in love with our friends, that's no doubt about that :) if you're worried about things might not be the same if you guys start a relationship, best to talk to each other about it first i guess...but hey, you both should give love a chance and just go with the flow ;)
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
9 Apr 08
Friend can be your lover as the same time. But just be ready for any circumstances that may come in your relationship. Bad or good...Its depend on you both if how you work for it.
• United States
9 Apr 08
hiya~ that's a tough one...but still one that, at least to some extent, can be answered. i had a girl friend, we we're best friends....then we started dating etc....and it didn't ruin our friendship....but i know that thats not always the case. i think it depends on the ppl....with ur description, i would say i probably wouldn't ruin your friendship...it may even strengthen it....but it is a risk none the less.... so my answer is it depends on the people, and how much they value the friendship ~j
• France
8 Apr 08
Yes it will change, when you have new work, new friends and new life circle. When time changes, maybe your good friend will be your lover, then your family member. You must know that friend is a friend, the lover is lover, but the wife/husband is another thing, she/he will live with you all along, getting older with you, while friends may leave us, lover may love others, wife/husband will stay with you, enjoy life and overcome the difficulty of life.
@hadi81 (436)
• Indonesia
8 Apr 08
for me, it's impossible...i can't love her if i've get a friendship for more time. i don't know why, that's my commitment....friends always friends. i can't changes my feeling to her.
@Ajaxus (33)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Because of my own inability to find someone who respects me and what I want I've been advised numerous times to take someone I am interested in, become friends first and if that works then begin pushing towards a relationship. My parents have been at the front of stressing this approach to me. They themselves began as friends and claim that it is their friendship that keeps their marriage strong. They are able to understand eachother on all levels besides just the intimate ones. I am hoping that this holds true and that this advice can lead me to what I seek most. So yes, I do believe under the right circumstances that a friend can be a good lover.
@cortjo73 (6500)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Only you can really make this decision for yourself. Each person is different with how they handle a relationship. But, I can tell you my experience. About 13 or 14 years ago, I worked with a guy that I really only considered a friend. We actually met at work. He was quiet, shy and really awkward but, so sweet. Just one of the most generous, sweetest, genuine guys I have ever known. We worked together for a summer and, I liked a few guys throughout that summer and they were all jerks. He was always there in the background and always there making me laugh, keeping me company and just generally being a great friend...my best friend. I started looking at him a little differently. Just enough so that, on my last day, when the jerk boss separated the two of us so we couldn't work together (I worked at an amuzement park and he sent me to another food stand for spite) on my last day there, I was broken hearted and sad all day long. It was then I realized how much I cared for him. So, we spoke on the phone several times and finally admitted out feelings for one another. But, here is the thing. I could never imagine kissing him without feeling weird about it because we were such good friends at first. It just kept making me feel awkward so, we never gave it enough of a chance to make it work. We never even got started. I think about him often. We lost touch and he is someone I always have in the back of my head. So, while I think some people can make a friendship something more but, I didn't feel comfortable because, while I did have genuine feelings for him, I couldn't get past the almost brotherly/sisterly friendship we had at first.
• United States
8 Apr 08
I believe that some of the best relationships happened because the couple were friends first. I have, although, heard of friendships ending because they became lovers so it's really a 50-50 type of thing. If both of you have the same feelings of wanting to up the anty in the relationship then I would say go for it. My sweetie and I of almost 5 years became friends first. We can talk about anything and we do. I believe it's important to be friends first but on the other side of that coin, if you two have been friends from like child hood, then I can see where you will have some worries. Best of luck!
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
8 Apr 08
Let me make sure I understand what you are saying first. Are you saying you would just kind of like to mess around so to say with your friend, but not have a romantic relationship? Or are you saying you would like to take your friendship and turn in it into a love romance full fledged relationship?
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
8 Apr 08
for me, it's possible..theres are some who become friends at first and later they become lovers, it's nice to have that kind of relationship because you already know what's the real attitude of the person and both of you have choice if you let your feelings go into that deep relationship..but on the other hand, some are not really into it because they wanted that friendship will still remain no more no less..
• Uganda
8 Apr 08
Yah, it's true that good friends can make good lovers, but it's good to lay limits of the extents of each relationship type. For example, as friends you can talk about anything, but as lovers, there has to be limits to certain topics... Therefore, while living together as "lover-friends" it good to be able to coordinate both relationships... Otherwise, don't fear anything if both of you believe the next level of friendship can work out... give it a try... risk... may be it may work out well for both of you... but, be sure that when you loose, you will loose two things; your friend who's also your lover! Nice time!
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
8 Apr 08
there is a saying "friendship is the beginning of love" it is very advantage if a lover came from being friend. meaning you know already the person whom he/she is...so both of you can adjust any misunderstanding while you relationship going on. much better if you continue your journey than starting your journey if incase you are newly lover and no friendship being made before. i prefer to become friends in the beginning and become lovers at the end. getting to know each other is the most important before you deepen your feelings.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
8 Apr 08
yes, its very much possible.it won't ruin the friendship if you are in love, dear friends have so many things in common. so there are many comfort factors as well. so its easy to fall in love after that. you can share this and go ahead. best of luck.