Love or family? Which would you chose?

Philippines
April 10, 2008 7:11am CST
I have heard and seen many drama movies that evolve around this theme. Selecting family over the love of your life. I am lucky I never have to make that choice coz my family is ever so understanding to give us the freedom to love who we love. But there are times that you have to make a choice to pursue your happiness. But for me, even if you find the love of your life, family will always be there for you to lean on no matter what. So which would you chose, family or love one? Or have you been torn between the two? What did you chose and why?
12 people like this
51 responses
@Elixiress (3893)
10 Apr 08
It has never come to choosing one or the other, but I have been out with a few people that my parents have not approved of. I continued to go out with them, it is my life, my mistakes. I just didn't bring them back to the house.
3 people like this
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Hi Elixiress. Many parents are like that not wanting their children's friends and we cannot blame them as they only want the good for us. But many dont come to terms in knowing who our friends are before judging them and that is the sad part.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3893)
10 Apr 08
I agree. Parents try to do the best they can, but tend to judge people like judging a book from the cover. Or that is what has happened in my experience 90% of the time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Sorry to hear about that but you might want to talk to your parents or prove them wrong about your friends. As a mother, I try to be broad minded with regards to my son's friends and I just warn my son and talk to him if his friends are bad influence to him. A good communication is sometimes the best solution.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
10 Apr 08
If my lovers, family or friends were ever to put me on the spot like that and expect me to choose I'd walk away from the one demanding it..If both sides wanted me to pick one over the other I'd walk away from both of them...I wont put up with that sort of childishness
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
I understand how you would also feel and in some situations, there is not a sense in choosing any from them as love is given to both and vise versa and both are important to our lives.
@sarach (49)
• United States
11 Apr 08
Adding another dimension to this, I'm a lesbian. Gay and lesbians are often given ultimatums by family that they must choose to be straight or be shunned by the family. I was lucky and my family was very accepting, but I would say that half of the homosexuals I know have no relationship with their family because they would be forced to lie about their love. It's a hard choice, but I have to go with Ravenladyj and say that if someone forced me to choose then they would be forcing me to choose them. If someone really loves you then they should want you to be happy. As long as you aren't hurting anyone your family should respect whomever you love - and visa versa. Sara
• Philippines
12 Apr 08
Hi Sarah. Yes I agree with you when families of gays and lesbians don't accept them for who they are and are forced to be straight and I know its hard to live a life the way your family want you to be. They should accept show you are inside and out. Its because they are too ashamed of what society is going to say and not of what you should be feeling for your relative that is to love unconditionally.
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
I will choose love. It all run on the word love. Love because i love my family and i know that they only want the best for me. I will understand them more, more than i know. This is all because i love them so much. People may say that i will only think their happiness and set aside mine but that is not true. My family is my happiness. If they will tell me that i only make this decision, choosing family over love of the opposite gender, they wrong because i was also on the same shoes with them, choosing over love with my family. I choose my family and i have no regret especially my daughter is with me. On reality, my mom doesn't ask me to choose but i prefer to be single because i feel that there are so many things that i need to do. Things that i can do for my family as single and not with him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Well good for you alexigne and hope you have a good journey in your single life choice. I myself is single and I know its been a tough life but I also know that my family is always there and also not being forced to choose, I am now grateful that I am now single as I am better of with him and also my son is with me whom my family also loves unconditionally.
• India
10 Apr 08
I would PREfer love
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Thanks sure do know that you have reasons for picking such.
10 Apr 08
I would always chose my family as they can never be replaced whereas boyfriends can. My family have never had to make me choose, which Im glad. I would never do anything that may hurt my family and always listen to what they have to advice me about my life. I am very close to my family and would not like to imagine life without any of them. I would like to hope that my boyfriend would understand if I had to choose and didnt choose him, family is important to both of us and I know he would choose his family as he relies on them very much.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Hi Cinderella. I agree with you perfectly as me and my friends say, your family will always be there for you but a lover can always be replaced. Like you I am also close to my family and am careful not to hurt them too. Well I hope that you would never come to a point to chose between the two also. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Apr 08
since ive moved out with my girlfriend i sense a bit of tension between my mom and my girlfriend....jealousy i guess my mom cant understand i cant always be there 24/7 for her anymore....i live about a half hour away from her and she gets upset when i cant come visit all the time or take her places.....but with gas prices and living my life its hard....so im having a hard time with the whole thing
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
You mom is right a bit jealous over your girlfriend and she is fighting attention from you. She should understand that you are not in a way leaving her as you just live 30 mins away but you have to live a life of your own. Sometimes family members get like that. They think you are being taken away from them and why they don't just think your love is an addition to the family. I hope it would work out for you, your gf and your mom and will resolve all things so you wont have to choose again.
• United States
11 Apr 08
well thank you that was very nice to hear...im sure it will work out in the near future...it has to somethings got to give its driving me insane! lol
• Philippines
12 Apr 08
You are most welcome. Its just a matter of understanding and communication. What my dad used to do is call her mother every night as my dad was her mom's pet too and my dad dearly loved our grandma. So in that way, your mom would feel your love even though you are physically apart. Surely your gf will understand.
19 Apr 08
this thing never happened to me. but one day if it happened, i would choose family family know which is the most suitable to you, and they didin't want you to get hurt so accroding to their experiences, i will trust them and choose them
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
Well, that is good to know Shijiaxin. I agree that family knows the best for us at times based on their experience.
@jenni7202 (1599)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Well, I have only ever had to make this decision once, and it was a hard one! My father got into a fight with my boyfriend, well technically, it was my father swinging at him and my boyfriend saying he didn't want to fight him. It all started over some stupid stuff, and really isn't a big deal anymore, it's been settled. Anywho, my father was the one at fault for this, so I chose the side of my boyfriend. My mother also took his side, so it wasn't completely against my whole family, but only my father. It was hard, because I do love my dad, but I knew that my boyfriend was at no fault to what happened, and he didn't deserved to be hit because my dad has a bad temper. I've been with my boyfriend for over 5 years, in fact, July will be our 6 year anniversary, and I want to marry him. I consider him a part of my family, even though we aren't married yet.
• Philippines
26 Apr 08
I'm sorry to hear that has happened to you. I really don't know what has happened and what the reason was and I am in no place to judge it. But maybe your father was jealous being a daughter and only protecting you. But anyway, it makes me think that why your mother also sided with your bf. I guess it was really bad for your father to hit your bf and should have behaved. I congratulate you for having a long relationship and I salute your bf for staying with you despite the rift with your father. I guess he loves you very much and good luck in marrying him. « Gab »
@Gesusdid (1683)
• United States
10 Apr 08
i think to me love , cause family isnt for everyone , even sometiems my own family is agaisnt what i want to do or im trying to do , they even knock me down when im im already on my last leg , so love i can always find and not that gimickly image of love either ....but then again which ever comes first the other will follow
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
Im sorry to hear how the relationship of your family is and I know you are wanting to find your love. I hope the best for you that you find it soonest and may your relationship wit your family improve. « Gab »
• United States
10 Apr 08
A person should never have to choose between family and love! Your family is your ultimate "love", unconditional, no matter what!! How would you feel if your Dad told you that his new girlfriend told him to choose between you and her? Anyone that would make that ultimatum of "me or them" doesn't love you as much as they claim they do!! I know someone who's ex girlfriend tried to do that to him, he loves her, but not enough to choose between her and his son!!
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
Yes I agree with you that a person should not be given the chance to choose between family and love. But some are unfortunate, it happens to them. Family love indeed is unconditional and many are lucky to have both worlds. « Gab »
@julyteen (13265)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Apr 08
i always choose my family. that is what happen to me now i am 31 and still single because i will always choose my family. i can find love anytime and anywhere but i can' find family anywhere. your family is one but can have many girls to love. my time for my love is not yet come maybe if that so happen i will choose the right one instead my family.
• Philippines
19 Apr 08
Hi July. I agree with you that being single and with your family means a lot and love will come anytime and definitely will come for you at a better time. family will always there for support.
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
10 Apr 08
Its very hard for me do choose and if I'm in the situation I will not give up any of them since I love them both. I am also lucky to have a wonderful family and loving partner but lets say problems arises like this..Have to find a way to let get them closer, I know everyone has a heart you know, there is always a way to solve and always have a way to make them closer, It may take time but I will not give up to work for it just to have a very wonderful family!
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Hi. Yes its good that you will work it out that way. I have tried that and it pains so much to be in between two stones. The funny thing is that my family like him in a later part when we are already breaking apart!
• China
10 Apr 08
i have not experience this now ,but for me ,i will choose the family ,cz family is forever,actually i do not believe much about love,and are still worrying about it .
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Yes family is forever. can I ask who si worry about what? You worrying about love or your family worrying about you on love?
@cherriemae (3375)
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
for sure, i would choose my family because at the very beginning of your life, our family is still there, on our happy and sad moments..it's not that easy to choose when your inlove with the person, but i've been there before and after the guy leaves me the times of trouble of being pregnant, it's my family whose always there to give me comfort..but maybe, when the right time will come if the right person will come, and i love him also my family love him too, i will go for my happiness because i'm sure my family will be happy for me too..
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Yes i agree that family always gives us that unconditional love no matter what choice we make and give us comfort always. I wish for you that someday you will find the right man that you and your family will love.
@dw2005 (22)
• United States
10 Apr 08
I have been torn apart between my husband and my mother. It wasnt him who was making me choose so I picked him over my mother. We got into a heated arguement over her new (now ex) boyfriend at the time I was trying to tell her what he was all about and she wouldnt hear any of it (although now I get to say I told you so) She started ranting and raging about my husband and needless to say we quit talking for a month in a half. It was hard but I made it. She called right before Christmas (this took place beginning of November) and apologized to me.
• Philippines
10 Apr 08
Well in your case I don't see really the part of choosing between your mother and your lover but you just defended your husband or your mother. You cant blame your mother as she was just in love, and I guess wasn't using her head. And as for you, you were just defending your husband which your mother vented out her hurt feelings. I am glad things have been ironed out between the two of you.
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
16 Jan 09
It is a hard question. To most people in the world, they need both, and can not give up one for another. To me, I also hope I can have both of them. Now I am still young and single, so I may give up a lover who cannot stand with my family, for I have time to find a suitable one.
• Canada
26 Apr 08
I would definitely choose the love of my life over my family, because it is not their decision who I am with and who I am not with. An interesting question for me to find today, since my father and my huband will be meeting for the first time tomorrow. LOL I make it a point to do things, and then tell people about it, when they can no longer influence my decision. I'm sure my Dad and my husband will get along well enough, but it's just easier now since what's done is done, and no one an say or do anything to change us.
• United States
13 Apr 08
I would choose love because if I gave up the love of my loife for my family , I would start to resent my family and I wouldn't be any good to them. I would rather be disowned and happy with my love than with my family and being miserable.
@whyaskq (7553)
• Singapore
12 Apr 08
Given a choice, I would want to have both love and family. I would not be in the right frame of mind if I were to always choose family over love. Choosing love over family is not wise either unless you can rest assured you will always have the family's support.
• Philippines
12 Apr 08
I chose my love because I believe he can understand what I've been going through.But one thing just disappointed me.He can't fight for me even if his parents are so rude to me.He said he's making a way but why are they still like that to me?