Can a lot of presents spoil a child?

toy - Thomas the Tank Engine toy
@chestyna (113)
April 23, 2008 10:12am CST
here is the story....i was brought up the way that i didn`t have many toys as it was expensive back then and i appreciated every one of them. I want to bring up my baby son the way that he won`t destroy his toys purposely, but be glad that he has any at all. At the moment we live with my mother-in-law and she is a great woman and i have great relationship with her, aswell as my little todler. She is brilliant grandmother. But she is buying toys to my son like every week. At some point i told her that Joshua has just too many toys and he is throwing them and breaking them and doesn`t appreciate them so we shouldn`t buy him toys as often. Like once in month is enough i think. And 2 days ago she came home again with 2 new toys for him, telling me to give it to him myself so he doesn`t think it is always from her. But that is not the point. I dont want him to be spoilt but i think him getting toys every week its just spoiling him. What do you think about it? Am I wrong?
2 people like this
9 responses
@bdugas (3581)
• United States
23 Apr 08
My son and his wife divorced, and Gary (my son) said he was going to make sure his son didn't want for anything, from the time he was about 5 years old, when he came stay with Gary on the weekend, Gary would take him to Toys R Us and let him pick out whatever he wanted that was in reason, (and some that wasn't in reason too)this went on monthly over the years. All of a sudden one morning Gary goes to word and he didn't have any job, when his son came on his usual visit, he wanted to know when they was going to get his toy, Gary explained to him that he couldn't afford to go there this time as he wasn't working. But that they would do something else fun. he son replied well if you aren't taking me to Toy R Us then take me home! Point is they come to expect that toy or what ever and when things change they don't understand. Gary's son has always been given things to make up for not having both parents in the house together, and he don't appreciate anything. It is good to get them things at times, but you can give to a points where it is expected and that can be hard if something happens and you can no longer give. I'm sure your mother in law is a great woman, and she loves her grandson, and we all want more for our children than we had, but we can give to a point where tear it up I will get another one and that seem like what is happening now. No I don't think you are wrong, as they grow so does the price of their toys.
@chestyna (113)
23 Apr 08
thank you very much for response, it is very interesting story that you said. And i see the point and that is exactly what i was worried about, that he will get used to getting toys. I just replied to other lady that sometimes joshua behaves really bad all day, and his grandma comes home from work and gives him a toy. But it is too late for me to take it as he is already playing with it. So basically he gets a signal that no matter if he behaves good or bad he gets something. She thinks that joshua is a bit too young to understand about deserving the things (he is 20months old), but i think he does know. Even if he doesnt it is good to start to teach them when they are young, isnt it? thanks again
@bdugas (3581)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Yes he maybe 20 months but he will learn to expect something every time she comes there, one woman I know back home has a son and they tried to make up for him not having a dad by getting him what ever he seen in the wal-mart toy isle, when he grew up his toy became expensive, jet ski, dirt bike,, 4 wheeler, he got straight F's in school, he would tell them tomorrow when I get home I want that 4 wheeler we looked at, if if wasn't there he would throw a fit and sometimes he took all the phones in the house to school with him so they couldn't use them, they would tell him you aren't getting it and he would look at me and say watch if it isn't here in 3 days, and yep it was, he cussed his mom and grandma, now he is married and struggling to give his kids a place to live let alone fancy toys. He doesn't buy toys for his kids every day says he couldn't afford to funny how when you get older, wonder if he looks back and thinks of what he done to his mom and grandmother, he has a wife tht demands the best and they are constantly into it because nothing he does it good enough, I somehow look at it as payback maybe.
• United States
23 Apr 08
I think that all depends on how the child has been taught. Just because a child has alot of toys or belongings, does not mean they are spoiled or not well behaved. My children have plenty of toys, and I try to get them most of the things they want. However that comes with terms. They have to be polite, kind, and caring. I do not reward naughty children with presents. We do not spend outside our limit, and sometimes they get less than other times. Children are intelligant and can fully understand that sometimes, money is not as abundant as other times. My children, very often get money from relatives. They are taught to save their money, to buy something they really want, rather than just wasting it to just spend it. I think children can have lots of things, maybe everything they want even, and still be well behaved, unspoiled children.
@chestyna (113)
23 Apr 08
I see what you mean, and i am trying to get my son whatever he wants to, but i think he needs to deserve things when he is behaving good. Lets say he was bad all day and grandma comes home in the evening from work and give him a toy. I dont think that teaches him anything. Maybe he is still quite young, i dont know, he is just 20months. I am starting to be confused about that, but want to do what is best for him and have him well behaved. Maybe it is just stage in his life, that he is throwing toys around. Will see. thanks again.
• United States
24 Apr 08
I agree they shouldnt be rewarded for misbehaving. However at that age, I dont think he will correlate getting a toy from grandma, as much as you taking a toy away that he threw. At that age, it is actually normal to throw his toys, and one of the things your pediatrician may ask you if he is doing.
• United States
23 Apr 08
Ahhh yes the grandparents..... You know, I absolutely like- LOVE- my grandparents. They are more trustworthy than my parents. But they did not buy me stuff all the time!!! I'm very grateful they did NOT. I was able to cherish any gifts they gave me much better because it was a GIFT from them and gifts were special. Not daily occurances. I am going through this with my in-laws too. They will go bankrupt buying crap for my son (that we have 0 room for!!!) than not buy him anything. I suggest telling her that he will be able to appreciate gifts better if he's not jaded to them already, and at such a young age. Good luck!!
@chestyna (113)
23 Apr 08
thank you very much for response,....i did try telling her about appreciation if he doesnt gets toys as often, but she doesnt think that he understands yet. (he is 20months old). She brought up her son - my husband- the way that he got all the toys he wanted, and he came out fine, but that doesnt have to be my son`s case. It is a difference of cultures and nationalities as i come from different part of the world as they do. But i think i am doing (hopefully) the right thing, and he will learn to appreciate his gifts and toys. thanks a lot again.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
23 Apr 08
Hi chestyna, I don't think that getting a lot of toys will necessarily spoil a child, as there are many other things involved. I would hasten to add however that it would be more difficult to to teach appreciation, and I agree that is very important. It seems to me that you are thinking clearly and will make a good parent, if this is true, your child will be fine. Blessings.
@chestyna (113)
23 Apr 08
thanks a lot, my mother-in-law is saying the same that toys wont spoil my son and it is probably true, maybe i have to find different way how to teach my baby to appreciate his toys. One lady suggested i could try taking old toy away when he gets new one, so then he doesnt have as many toys. I think i will try that. see how it works. thanks a lot again.
• United States
23 Apr 08
You got a point. Having too much will make them a little spoiled. I have the same problem like yours, where my in-laws and other relatives give my children gifts constantly. But then, I genuinely see that my inlaws are enjoying what they are doing, probably because when they were raising my husband, it was the exact opposite. They haven't given him too much because they have to send him to private schools and education for them is the most important one. So basically, they are making up for it. Plus, a grandchild is always so precious to the grandparents. My husband always says, they never do that to me before...:) If your mother-in-law is happy with what she is doing, let her. What you could do is, if there are 2 new toys...take 2 old toys out. You can either hide it and let him play with it days/weeks later or donate it. You can just minimize the toys he is playing so in that way, it will not be overwhelming for him to see all these toys.
@chestyna (113)
23 Apr 08
Thank you very much for your response, i like that idea of taking few old ones away, i will definitely try that. My mother-in-law loves my son, and he is the only grandchild at the moment, as my husband is her only son, so she loves buying him toys and seing him how happy he is and enjoying it. Thanks a lot for advise.
@athinapie (1152)
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
let me put it this way, there is a big chance that a toddler won't get spoiled because of many toys IF he or she doesn't ask for it. they are merely gifts right? but once a child asks for it and you give it to him or her all the time, then that child will be spoiled eventually.
• United States
24 Apr 08
Spoiling a kid will make him ungrateful. But please don't stop giving him stuff, especially when he's older, cause then he will feel left out. As he is just a toddler, spoiling won't help anyone. And I get that, grandmas and grandpas always like to buy presents for the grandchildren, but not their own children.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Apr 08
i think yes, they can very well spoil a children. they will think that they have got more than enough.i saw it with few children . so they should not be provoded much than they really need. they should value them
@jstaubin (423)
• United States
23 Apr 08
I think some gifts are ok but if the child is given everything that they want they will come to expect it and will be spoiled.