Having a hard time pulling myself out of this depression

depression - person experiencing depression
@linda345 (2661)
Canada
April 23, 2008 1:14pm CST
I have noticed the last week I have taken to not getting off the couch until noon. My house work is not getting done as well as it should. I am dealing with my parents seperation and my fathers new realationship. They have put me in the middle. My sons sucide attempt. He gets out of hospital and goes straight to two crack addicts house. He calls me for a ride and I told him I wanted nothing to do with him until he got the druggies out of his life. Then yesterday he shows up at my house looking for money. My oldest daughter is going to move in with her exboyfriend as a roommate. He is a drunk and he does coke. He is out parting all the time. I guess it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't bring it in the house. My youngest daughter who does independent living is impossible. She expects me to drop what ever I am doing and come and do what she wants when she needs it done. I went and got her laundry after my husband got home from work yesterday. I dropped her off at her sisters. She called and said she wanted to go home. I said her laundry was almost dry and I was sorting through it and picking the dry stuff out and going to bring that to her. She phoned about 6 or 7 times. we refused to pick up the phone because we new it was her and we where both doing something. I don't mind helping her out but this is crazy. My shrink is away for a month. I have been having panic attacks and taking more ativan than usual, which is making me sleepy. I also have a bowel trouble which the specialist don't know whats wrong so I have to go for a colonogospy on May 15th. I am worried about that. Usually with my bipolar I go up and down pretty fast. But I seem to be staying down this time. I am crying as I type this and I feel stupid. My really good friend ditched me a month and a half ago, so I don't even have her to talk to anymore. It was over something to do with my daughter and she didn't want it to ruin our friendship but she let it. I emailed her several times and phoned her and she just wouldn't reply. I was a good friend to her I think, helping her out in several situations. How do I get out of these blues?
5 people like this
9 responses
• United States
24 Apr 08
Linda...I am sending you a big hug and blessings. I know what you are going through...exactly what you are going through. I too am bipolar,with rapid cycling. Last week was my rough week and this week I seem to be a bit on the manic side (I've been up since 3:00 am). I also have an anxiety disorder that is crippling my life. I went through a colonoscopy and endoscopy about 4 weeks ago. Luckily they found nothing other than my esophogus is in pretty bad shape. Don't stress over this part...they will put you in a twilight sleep and you won't feel a thing. It is probably stress that is causing the problem, it can do wierd things to other parts of our body, not just our brain. I feel so bad for you. Your kids should know better than to expect you and your hubby to carry their burdens. Maybe your hubby can tell them that they need to live their own lives and quit depending on you both to fix their problems. Also, you or hubby should tell them just what this is doing to you and your bipolar. I pray your friend realizes she made a mistake and the two of you can move forward. As for getting out of the blues, I am probably not the best one to answer that, but I will tell you what my shrink told me: First get outdoors for at least 30 minutes a day...take a walk if you can. The fresh air helps to refresh the mind, as does the exercise. Second, don't dwell on things...get up off the couch and do something. I know that is the hardest part. (My house is a disaster right now). Make a small list of 4 or 5 things you want to get done in the day and do them. Cross them off as you get done. Third, drink lots of water and avoid caffeine. This one is very hard for me. Fourth, if you need to, write a letter to those that you feel you have something to say. Don't give the letters to them though. Just express what you feel. It will help get it off your mind and chest. You psychiatrist probably has someone on-call while he/she is gone. Call the office and tell them you are having problems and ask if they can call the fill in doc. My shrink is on vacation right now as well...for two weeks, and he has a fill-in. I hope this has helped in some small way. Know that you will be in my prayers and that if there is anything I can do, or if you need to talk more, I will be around. Hugs and Blessings.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Thank you for all the suggestions. I think I will try writing the letters. It will get a lot off my chest and I can destroy them knowing what is bothering me the most.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Apr 08
I hope it helps. I know how hard it can be to be on the depression end of bipolar. As I said earlier, if you want to chat, I am here. I'll also be praying for you. Hugs.
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
24 Apr 08
Hi linda345! I really don't know what to say. It is overwhelming and i could only say a prayer for you dear friend. Take care of yourself and love yourself even more. Take the time to just live for yourself until the time you are strong and better...then that way when you are whole again, you can help your children straighten their lives. But for now, I do think it would be better to just love yourself. Just my thoughts dear friend. Take care. God bless!
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Everyone tells me to take care of myself. I know I am my own worse enemy. I am going to have to start listening or else I will be in hospital again. That is one place I dont' ever want to end up again.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
25 Apr 08
Hi linda345! That is true dear friend. You have to take care of yourself first before you can truly take care of others. I will be praying for you dear friend! Take care and God bless!
@subha12 (18452)
• India
24 Apr 08
i completely understand the situation you are into. its really bad i think. itys very tough a sit is giving you so much depression. but i believe that life takes us tests. so we go through tough times. we must face them bravely. hope you come out of them soon.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Thank you for your thoughts. I hope and pray that this will pass soon.
@selby70 (283)
23 Apr 08
I am so sorry for all your trouble wish I could help more, is their no one you could talk to, what about your mother? I was having bad panic attacks a few years ago and I could not get out of bed until noon I still get them but not as bad so I know a bit of what you are going through. I hope and pray things get better for you.
1 person likes this
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
My mother is going through a seperation with my dad after 44 years. He just got into a new relationship and she is having a hard time with this. I am stuck in the middle.
• United States
23 Apr 08
Wow my friend you do have lots of problems. I do suffer form depression also. I am not bi polar but I do have major depression so I know the depression part. I am sorry your shrink is out of town, is there someone on call for him/her? Most docotors have someone to take emergency calles of them when they are out of town this sounds like an emergeny. You have to realize you have no control over your childrens lives. They make their own decisions. It sounds like you need to learn how to say NO to each one of them. I know that is easier said then done. It sounds like your daughter who needed her laundry done should have come over and done it herself. Your son needs to work for his money if that means doing work around the house for you. I was wondering if you are on the right type of meds for your bipolar disease. I am sorry this is happening to you. Good luck my friend.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
We are constantly changing meds to try and find the right piece of the puzzle for my bipolar. Because it is such a rapid cycling thing normally it is hard to control.
@mefadon3 (298)
• United States
23 Apr 08
Sounds like you have a lot going on. The first thing I would like to ask you if you believe in Jesus. I think you should develop a relationship with him. He will make your other relationships better with people if you put him first. I also want to tell you that you should try to use herbal treatment for your depression and not the ativan that you are taking. I suffered from depression and bipolar disorder several years ago. I decided to really develop a relationship with Jesus Christ and slowly, but surely, my relationships got better with the people around me. I also stopped worrying about what people think of me. So I also matured a lot as well. It is a daily process, but I think you will understand that it is all for you to become a better person. I hope that you will come out of this rut that you are in and I will be praying for you.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
I do believe in Jesus I just an not active in my religion. Thank you for praying for me. I can not mix herbal treatments with the medications I am taking as they can be deadly.
@raydene (9874)
• United States
24 Apr 08
Hi Sweets There's not much I can do from here except to say I am sending you a big hug and lots of + thoughts And I will say a prayer for you oxxoxoxoxoxo
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
25 Apr 08
Prayers and hugs always help.
• United States
25 Apr 08
i would tell your kids to defend for them selves unless they really needed you and take care of yourself what good are you to them if you got all the stress and let god into your life let him help thru your prayers wish you good luck from here on
• United States
25 Apr 08
Linda you have a lot on your plate. I can relate. The only way I have been able to keep my head above water was to get out of the pool I was drowning in. My family means the world to me. Unfortunately they have chosen their own paths to walk upon. I cannot pull them away from the path. They need to do this themselves. I had to leave them on their own accord and focus on myself. I have not deserted my kids by any means, but have focused on things that will bring sunshine to my withering mind. If you are unable to shine, you will not be able to bring the sunshine to others. I send big huggers to you my friend. Remember that tomorrow is another day.