What i need to do to get a good relationship with my gf?

@cross10 (506)
Indonesia
April 29, 2008 9:43am CST
I do not know which one that had the fault, me and my girl friend was having a smooth relationship. Till we had 1st year anniversary everything get screw up. I'm still a college student with Architecture as my study, and my girlfriend with Public Relation as her study. Now I had really busy things in my study, but i don't know exactly how is hers. I almost don't have time to prepare a good 1st year anniversary celebration. That day was the most horrible day in our relation. I was try to get a good place, but then i just remembered one thing she ever said before the anniversary. That was she want to eat a Korean food. Now i get forgot that because of many task that i have on my college. She just get hurt with that, and hard to understand my situation. I also really feel guilty about her, but the thing is i want to get our good relation back again, but i don't know how to do. My friends just keep saying just leave her, and also my family didn't support me as well, they say she didn't understand my situation and too ego. I keep have whispering in my heart that i still love her. And i don't really want to hurt anybody badly. Please let me know the answer what i need to do now Thanks before for any responses you gave
4 people like this
18 responses
@jesbellaine (4157)
• Philippines
29 Apr 08
I think you just need to apologize to her then tell her that you would do everything just to make your relationship works without sacrificing both of your studies ofcourse. It would be nice if you keep a list or plan book so you can arrange your date when it is your anniversary or you know.. sometimes... SMALL THINGS really matters like having time to walk or dine out or just stay at home then watch movies with her... you know just spend time with her. Hope your relationship with her will work out fine. Goodluck!
• India
29 Apr 08
How right you are! It is the smallest of the smallest things that matter so much to us women. A light kiss, a pat on the cheek, remembering our birthday, giving us only one flower, a small love note, telling us we are lovely,....well, how much time does all this take? How on earth would such things interfere with a guy's studies or his career? Then they say they don't understand women or that we are too demanding, while all we want are little things from them. Cheers and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
Hey thanks a lot for the tips, well now she are really in angry mode, but still we men need to get understanding that we are really busy until unable to prepare things, but still i will try to fix everything from now on
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
Oh Okie! hehhe.. Just give her some time. I remember when I am in "angry" mode and my bf gives me sometime before fixing things with me... hehehe goodluck!
@jhl930 (3605)
• United States
29 Apr 08
i cant really tell you one way or the other because in the end that is going to have to be you that makes that decision...and not anyone else i mean i know that you said that you still love her and if that is so and she still loves you then i am sure that there is someway that you two can work things out between yourselves...good luck on that in the future and i hope that everything works out for the best...
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
thanks for the response, i really appreciate it, i just believe in love, if she had to go i will face it, but if no i will be really happy for it, well wish me luck
30 Apr 08
You follow your heart as it is your relationship not your friends or family. Why don't you take her out to the Korean dinner she wanted and speak to her about how you feel. Tell her you are so sorry you got caught up in your studies but you love her lots and are sorry if you hurt her. I'm sure she'll understand.
1 person likes this
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
I guees you right, i need to really hear from my heart really saying and feeling
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
i understand your situation and i already experienced that problem with my past relationships. it is really hard to adjust your schedule especially when you are studying and you have a relationship. i would suggest that you talk to your gf. set a day with your gf and bring her to the korean restaurant where she wanted to eat. though its already late, just make an effort to bring her there. spend the whole day with her. make it clear to her that you both have priorities and its your studies. just try to make even one day every week to be with her. or if you can sned her simple notes or letter, reminding her how much you love her even though you're not seeing each other everyday. call her also ones in a while. if you really love her, give yourself another chance to show her you love her. try to widen also your understanding to her feelings although it sounds selfish to you, just explain to her that its the adjustment that you both need to endure for your relationship to work. hope this will help you, but still its up to you. take time to think about your situation. don't make any decisions too quickly that you might regret in the end. have a nice day.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
Yeah sometimes that what happen to me, i decide to fast and it became a disaster, well from what you saying i think you as a girl really understand our situation right now. I'm really grateful to you for sharing your opinion in here, thanks a lot, it really become a big help for me
@Mingjie (20)
• China
30 Apr 08
Maybe she is still very angry now, so you can leave her alone for some days. When she calms down you can have a formal talk with her, telling your love and regret again, of cource in a very soulful tone. I think this is the only thing you can do, if she still can not accept you at that time, then just throw her away. Such a selfish girl is not worth your love.
1 person likes this
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
hey maybe i will try to make her calm first then i will talk wit her good and wisely, thank for your response
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
Try talking to her again, explain to her that you were very very busy with your study, she should understand. If she couldn't understand it then she is not a good girlfriend for you, maybe you should find another. Having a nice 1st year celebration should be from both sides of the relationship, if you were too busy why didn't she help with the restaurant reservation or anything. She shouldn't be too selfish.
1 person likes this
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
well the things is i get my self waste to much time in thinking which place is the best for us, so in the end i get my self no reserved place. So still i still need to consider about it more
@rhim_40 (41)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
I think the best thing you do is to have a heart to heart conversation, ask her what is really wrong about you, or you have to explain whats in your side. Imagine you have already started to build up a strong relationship, in just a simple mistake you will break, thats not good. Try to confront her and maybe she will realize her mistakes. Maybe this time you cannot give all your attention with her, cause until now you're studying, the same also in her situation. Just follow your heart and you'll never go wrong. But dont forget to remember all the limitations which is the most important (That is your studies, see to it that you can handle your situation). Good luck to you...
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
thank you so much for the tips, i really appriciate it, but you know its not that easy to ask her what is my mistakes, she always say to me to think it my self
• United States
29 Apr 08
well i tihnk men have a hard time showing a women there feelings and a hard time showing a women love but most women need to know they r loved so just think how you would feel if the tables were turned
1 person likes this
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
so you were saying to see me from her side, and try to find out why she get angry? well it even make me dizzy lol
@Adelida2233 (1008)
• United States
29 Apr 08
First of all, regardless of how your family and friends feel about the situation, you are the one in it. Sit down and figure out how you feel first. Do you want the relationship to continue or are your friends right and it is too much trouble? It sounds as though you do not want to give up on the relationship and are just looking for answers. Being in a relationship while in school is difficult, regardless of everything else going on. School(at any level) has a way of taking over your life. Appearently its been so long since professors were in school they've forgotten that the students are trying to have a life as well. The first thing you can do is to ask her when she can make time for you in her schedule. Since your class schedules are probably really different, you may not get to see her as much as you like, but any amount is better than none. Asking her to set aside a regular time to meet (whether it be between classes just for a few minutes or a whole night when she's free) will give you both soemthing to look forward to. I had a hard time with this when I was in school with schedules changing and have exams and such come up that you have to study for instead of getting together. What I did to solve this was one of us would go cook/order delivery/pick up dinner while the other would continue studying. We would take a break for meals and talk and rest for an hour or so, then back to studying a little bit. It makes the studying go by so much easier when someone else is with you. If only one of you has an exam and you still want to be together, the other person can read, listen to music, write, whatever they choose. The point is to be together and enjoy each others company. If you constantly have to amuse each other, its going to get old fast. As for your anniversary, its doesn's have to be a huge production to be speacial. My last anniversary was spent at home playing Call of Duty(a video game for those that don't know). I had an awesome time jsut sitting around relaxing. If you wnt to do something special, just do it. It doenst have to be an anniversary or anything. In fact it makes it better that its jut a random day, then she's not expecting anything. Is it possible for you to make Korean food(they have plenty of idiot-proof items in the grocery store if youve never made it) or is there a place around that serves it? You don't necessarily have to go to the restaurant if you dont want to. Ask her what her favorite dish is and what you need to make it. Then get all the stuff at the store(much cheaper than the restaurant by the way) and make it together at home. Finally, good luck and let me know how it works out for you.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
There so many things that i learned from you and i guess it will be very helpful for me,but there is still somethings that she get angry, that is she want me to get a better personality, i mean sometimes i get to cold with surrounding, and to reckless in deciding somethings which sometimes end bad, i had try to change that in one year, but since it already become one of my habit, it is a bit hard to change, any recommendation?
@kykidd (6820)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Maybe keep a notepad in your pocket, and when she says she likes something, write it down. You are not the only one who is this way, a lot of men have a hard time realizing how much us women get hurt when our guy doesn't realize what is important to us.
1 person likes this
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
I think that is what i miss, the small things that important, maybe i will try to fix it now
@rmuxagirl (7568)
• United States
29 Apr 08
it is hard to say for sure what you should do. Ultimately it's up to you, but if it was me...I would understand if my boyfriend forgot I wanted to have Korean for dinner on our anniversary because of a busy schedule. I would appreciate that he still remembered the anniversary and tried to make it special.
1 person likes this
@rhane7315 (5673)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
girls are really sensitive when it comes on that matter so my advice to you is approach her and ask her for your forgiveness. or if not, write her a letter with a flower/s, telling her that you're really sorry and explain it to her why. hey why don't you celebrate your 1st anniversary even though it's kinda late, a good surprise would be really good for her. i hope this helps you and good luck to both of you
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
Yeah it help me, because what i need now is a vision from girl. I think i will do that, try to give a suprise
@rhane7315 (5673)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
just keep in mind that girls love surprises
@busta1 (1029)
• United States
30 Apr 08
u need to show them u love them no matter what...that you trust them and and youll do anything for your relationship
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
YEah love does need sacrifice
@Marcola (2776)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Well, I think girls love to hear these words from a guy-"I was wrong. I made a mistake. What can I ever do to make it up to you? I'm sorry. I want to make things right between us and I'll do whatever you want to make it better." That's a male's point of view, anyway.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
hehe well that is also exact things that i want to say to her
@clrumfelt (5421)
• United States
30 Apr 08
She should be understanding of your situation and not let small things affect her like that. If you explain your situation and let her know you weren't just blowing her off on the anniversary, and if the really cares about you, too, give her some time. She'll come around and realize you're only human, not perfect.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
Yeah, i think you also got a point, because both of us are not yet still get lot learn about life, and we still even didn't know are we already a grown up or no
@melken (15)
30 Apr 08
Your friends are right you must leave her or other way you will hurt her badly.You do not love her that much.If you love someone you really wanted the best for her and you will make her happy no matter what or how busy you are. To think that it was your first year anniversary no reason not to make super special preparation for it.Come to think of it.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
Man i know that i already hurt her badly now, but i just want to repair it, you know not every people can prepare such things. I am born in a family that doesn't even care about those anniversary things, so i get some of that attidue. Its really hard you know
@anex08 (868)
• Philippines
30 Apr 08
For a relationship to keep running in good, both of the party should have time separated from your activity outside the relationship. If you want to keep your gf for good you must learn to consider those things that matters to her. Either way, if you're gf is understanding and truly cares for you maybe she can give you a second chance, anyway the things you have done is not a grave mistake. But if not, think about it, don't waste your time. It's hard to accept the fact at first but on and on you will learn to save yourself and grow more practical.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
But the things is that she already don't care, and think that 1 year is lot to change someone personality, now it really getting harder
• United States
30 Apr 08
Relationships are learning experiences. You have to take everything one day at a time. Spend as much time with her as you can and really show her that you care about her. She might be feeling neglected.
@cross10 (506)
• Indonesia
30 Apr 08
It really need experience, i'm still don't have that. and also the thing is its hard to find time to be with her.