how many children?

April 29, 2008 6:24pm CST
How many children do you have.? I recently married and now have a boy and a girl. They live with my husband and i full time. Can you give me some tips on how to be a good mother (of course i will never be their biological mother) My son is 6 and daughter is 8. Warning of any major pitfalls would be welcome.
1 person likes this
8 responses
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
2 May 08
I have 4 children and the only advice i have is make sure they know they are Important and that you love them.
2 May 08
I do make sure of that.
• United States
1 May 08
Teenage years are the major pitfalls to be concerned with, but you have time to deal with that, you dont have to be a biological mom to be a good mom, you wanting to is what will and probably already has made it happen. I have 5 i gave birth to, 2 are grown and out, and 1 of "our" children lives with us and we are trying to get the other 2 of "our children. Right now we only get them every other weekend, I would love to get some kind of structure in their lives they so yearn for it, to have real food instead of cereal for dinner. Kids really appreciate things like that. One thing to remember is they are kids and sometimes will say cruel things, my own kids have done that more than any of the step kids, but kids are kids and if you show them love, structure and support it will all be good it wont always be easy but it will be good. You and your husband must be on the same page though, if you two can communicate about boundries and "house rules" you will do just fine. Good luck
2 May 08
I have a 12 yr. old brother and a 13yr. old brother and i can truly say that i DO dread the teenage yrs. the one good thing is that they live with us full time and are good kids for the most part.
• United States
30 Apr 08
I see that these are your stepchildren. Being a mom of three children and two stepkids, I will tell you this. Be their friend. Let them know that you care about them and want what's best for them. Now, at the same time, they have to know that they can't run over you and disrespect you. And believe me, they will try to push your buttons to see what they can and can not get away with. It took me almost a year to get it through to my stepdaughter that her dad and I were together and there was nothing she could do to change that and that while she was in my home she would listen and do as she was told. Mind you, I'm not a strict or overbearing parent and I do let kids be kids as long as they don't disrespect me or my husband and as long as they are good. And they normally are. Now, my stepdaughter wants to live with us and visits every chance she can. Be patient and be there for them. Everything will work out in time. But also remember to stand your ground and don't give in.
1 person likes this
2 May 08
My son (step) would rather stay home than visit his mom. and my daughter (step) likes to go but she wants to go to my mothers or her dads mother instead of her moms.
@Deblwest (98)
• United States
30 Apr 08
I have 5 children. My oldest three ages 18,16,and 12 are from my first marriage. My youngest two ages 7 and 4 are from my current relationship and I have a step son age 14 from my current relationship. So 6 total. I treat all of them equal with love, time, and gifts so no one feels left out or loved less. We do not believe in step brothers or half brother titles either. I can tell you that for step children it is a bit different because of the fears of causing problems. Kids generally try to put one parent against the other-don't take it personal its natural. Also when they forget to do things, or just dont do them don't take it personal either. Children do not mean to upset thier parents they are just being children. You have a good age to start with luckily. My fiance had a real hard time with my 16 year old when she was 11 to 14 because she was mad at her real dad for leaving but also resented the new man for entering our lives. It has taken us quite a while but we have a routine and we stick to it----most of the time. I can tell you this from my experience. Only threaten to punish with something you are willing to do. You must follow through if you are going to take something away if they do not do what you have asked. Try to keep a schedule with bed times because when they get older they will continue with expecting you will have a schedule for them; makes life easier. Spend a little time each day asking them what happened at school, or sharing what ever you canwith them. They may answer with a yes, no, or uh huh, but they will appreciate that you care...I love to help people by sharing what I have learned. Feel free to ask any time if you feel like it...
1 person likes this
2 May 08
Thanks for all the good advice. I am sure it will come in handy.
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
30 Apr 08
Everything you do in relation to them, do it in love.
1 person likes this
2 May 08
I do love them dearly.
• United States
30 Apr 08
i have two boys. just love them and try to understand things from their point of view. especially when it comes to their mother.
1 person likes this
2 May 08
I try never to let them hear me say anything against their mother. I have found out that their little ears can't hear you when they are standing right in front of you but they can hear at least a mile away if it is something you don't want them to hear.
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
29 Apr 08
Follow your heart. It will show you how to be a good mother. But there are a couple of tips that your heart may not show you. First, you and your husband have to make a deal never to undermine each other. If one of you sets a limit or doles out a punishment that the other doesn't agree with, you discuss it in private and the person who set this whatever is the only person who should change it if it is decided it will be changed. Next: Set boundries as a team. You and your husband should sit down and decide the basic rules together. make sure the kids know them and what the consequences will be if they are broken. If a situation arises that a rule doesn't cover but it needs immediate attention, deal with it and then discuss it as a team later. The best thing the two of you can do is agree that this is a team effort. Bring the kids into the rule conversation only after the coaches (you and hubby) have discussed them. You and your husband will continue to get along much better if you keep this one major point in mind.
1 person likes this
2 May 08
The first lesson we learned was to NEVER let them play us against each other. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
30 May 08
Hi Shell, this your aunt. Tell them you love them and give them lots of hugs and kisses. I don't think anyone can be told they're loved enough, and who can't use a few hugs. And above all, be compassionate. I've had to learn a lot of things the hard way and the wrong way.