My friend's 9 year old pees the bed

@nixxi76 (3193)
Canada
May 4, 2008 6:51pm CST
On friday my friend, her boyfriend and her 9 year old son came over because we were going to trade vehicals to help my hubby and I out with the expensive gas prices. When they came over they assumed they were staying the night so we thought that would be okay, due to the distance that she had to travel to come by. During their visit, her son came in the living room to tell us about one of our kittens and how much fun he was having with it. When he went back to my son's room, after he exited my living room we noticed a potent smell and we asked my friend to check and see if he pooped his pants. When she checked, she seen that he did and apparently he did it on the way to our place. Not only did he not tell her but he lied about it also after being asked twice before she had to check his pants. She asked me if she could give him a shower as it was all over his bum, I said yeah go for it. She mentioned that he has been peeing the bed so we cut up some big black garbage bags for him to sleep on. Well.. in the morning the kids were up at 6am and he was all soaked in his pajamas and moved the garbage bags onto the floor and I could see that there was a circular mark of pee on our futon matress My hubby took the matress outside to air it out and I made him change his clothes while my friend was still sleeping. Later that day my friend and I went to town and I told her if she doesn't fix this now while he's still young, he could end up doing it till he's in his adult years. Maybe he has an overactive bladder or it's not fully developed yet? I don't know but at 9 years old? It seems that this kid's gaurdian isn't doing anything about his bathroom manners and I believe that's a bit of abuse to let him do it. Just his reactions of lying and pretending that nothing happened is a sign of no disaplin. My friend's mom has been taking care of this kid for about a year or maybe more now and I think his grandmother is not doing a thing about this! Is there any other advice anyone can help me pass on to my friend?
2 people like this
13 responses
@cmelton (160)
• United States
5 May 08
I definately agree with you, sometime needs to be done now and he could have a medical problem. My little girl is 9 and she may have an accident twice a year. Accidents are expected in children but this is more than an occasional accident. And to me putting trash bags under him is not the answer. It's almost saying that it is ok and not a problem. It will also pose an embarrasing situation if he ever stays at a friends house. I think the best thing she can do is visit a Dr to rule out a medical problem. If there is no problem they could offer some good advice.
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I will tell her that and thank you for your advice. I think my mom's friend had this problem with her brothers as I heard what they went through when they were kids. She use to let them sit in their Sh*t when they were kids. It's pretty sad and now I see her doing that to my friend's kid.
13 Jan 09
Yes i have a friend she pees the bed every-night so tell ur friend to buy him Good Nighters they where the, in bed while they sleep and they can pee in it without peeing on the bed
@sisterjinx (1136)
• United States
5 May 08
This could be a serious medical issue. My oldest son peed the bed until he was 12 and the doctors told me he would grow out of it, which he did. When he hit puberty the peeing of the bed just went away. It just took him longer than most. It's very embarrassing for the child and the parent. And it is very hurtful to have others believe that they are not doing enough about it. I don't know how many comments I recieve on this issue and we finally just stopped going anywhere until he grew out of it. However the pooping problem could be a sign of encoprisis. I think I spelled that correctly. This is a medical problem that 1 out of three children suffer from. Because it is a very embarrassing medical issue it is far too undiscussed. Also, most family doctors do not know how to treat it. You have to go to a specialist for that area of the body. (sorry I can't remember what they are called.) Shortly after my oldest stopped peeing the bed I began finding garbage bags with soiled underwear. Or he would wash his laundry (he was 12 or 13) and the washing machine would be full of feces. I confronted him about it and he was so embarrassed that at first he tried to lie about it. We finally bought him some adult diapers because everything our family doctor was doing was not working. Finally we were told by a family friend to take him to a specialist. He had been doing it for about 1 1/2 years at this point. The family doctor was NOT helping and my son was so ashamed and embarrassed all the time. He had lost a lot of weight. We were very concerned. A lot of our other friends and family were voicing concerns about our parenting and giving advice on how to punish him for his actions to get him to stop. After all this couldn't always be an accident. How do you not know you are going in your pants. We took him to the specialist and he was diagnosed with encoprisis. The doctor explained that this disease causes the child not to feel the urge to go and sometimes they can't even feel it when they do go. He also told us that most kids go undiagnosed for years because of the embarrassment and the fear that they are bad kids or bad parents. He was put on medicine to clear out his system and then he had to go on a lower dose for about 2 years. He began to put the weight back on. Within a few months he stopped having the issues. My best advice is to tell them my story. Tell them to find a doctor who might have a clue. And tell them there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about. This is not a reflection on their child or their parenting. This is probably a medical issue and they want to get it under control soon because if undiagnosed this can cause long term medical issues that can not only last this child's whole life but can shorten that life.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 08
I forgot to mention that my oldest, who was very ill with this condition for almost 2 years, is now 17. He is no longer on medication, he no longer has the medical condition, and there are not yet any signs of any long term repricussions from it. Thank the heavens.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I'm going to tell her about your story because maybe that will help. I'll let her know about the condition but I'll stretch the truth a little more and tell her it's more common so maybe that will deal with the embarrassment. I really hope he gets help because it's important for his own self asteem. At least your son made the effort of putting his soiled clothes into the laundry and didn't just sit in it till everyone woke up. This boy could have went and woke up his mom and told her but instead he didn't but hopefully my friend's mom does seek help for him but I can't see her doing that because she didn't do it with her own children. Thanks for your help
1 person likes this
• United States
5 May 08
Remember though that my son was older and since I am physically disabled I taught them all how to do laundry at a fairly young age. As they got older they were doing their own on a regular basis anyway. And I never wanted him to feel embarrassed at home about his peeing issue so I had taught him to do his own bedding and how to get the smells out. My child became obsessive about taking 2 - 4 showers a day during all of this as well. Because he knew that there was a smell associated with both issues and he hated it because friends and family would constantly make rude comments either in front of him or where he could hear them. This poor little boy is only 9. He probably doesn't even know how to do his laundry or get the smell off. Tell his mom too that while he is dealing with this she may want to consider either pullups or adult diapers depending on his size. They make the adult diapers pretty thin. It's not telling him it's ok. It's telling him that mom is trying to help him and making him more comfortable while he gets better. Home is supposed to be a secure place where a child doesn't have to feel ashamed all the time. This really helps with that. I don't believe a child this age is doing any of this out of laziness or on purpose. There is something wrong either physically or mentally and he needs to feel good about himself while he is getting treatment. She might also begin teaching him how to do laundry and clean himself up. He is well old enough for that.
1 person likes this
@emarie (5457)
• United States
5 May 08
Something does need to be done especially about the soiling himself and not saying anything. For something like that, a 're-potty training' would be something useful. Its something that may need time. Also, I can be a physical problem with the child in which case your friend should discuss that problem with the child's doctor. After potty training my 2 boys I ask their doctor about bed wetting because that was the hardest part I had with my oldest son. He told me that part of it may be genetic, if the parents used to wet the beds as children, their kids might too. My husband did a lot when he was little and we found out that reducing the water intake before bed does help. Also have them use the potty before bed time and also later that night as well. Pretty much you have to wake them up and have them use the potty. This does take time. My son no longer wears training pants at night anymore, but I am still doing this routine of having him use the bathroom before he sleeps and taking him again right before I go to sleep which is about 2-3 hours after he sleeps. This can vary, it took me a while to get the timing right. Hopefully that will help for your friend.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
Hi emarie, I will suggest this to pass on to her mother because her mom has custody of this child. I feel like whenever I give my friend advice she just laughs about it due to her nervous disorder and she doesn't do anything about it either. It's worth a try though. We told the boy to go to the bathroom before he went to bed and he ran into the bathroom and flushed the toilet and ran out! What she should have done is went in there with him and made sure he really went to the bathroom. He's in this habit of lying also. I get so upset when I"m lied to. I think he's playing his mom and making her think that he doesn't know when he has to go to the bathroom when he really does. I can understand if he pees the bed by accident but not during the day when he's awake and pooping his pants, then lying about it when someone asks him. You'de think he'd want to change his clothes? My friend was telling me also that he's been doing this in school too. So you would think the school could do something? Maybe they have but it's the grandmother that won't do anything? Thanks for your comment
@emarie (5457)
• United States
5 May 08
the lying needs to be taken care of of course, thats a problem in general. If the grandmother is the guardian then she should take more of an active roll. The mother too but if she can't, then by law the grandmother is responsible. As for the doing it in school. The school can't do much, they'll just notify the guardians about the problem. She may want to talk to the school counselor though, there may be some problems. possible he's acting out to get attention who knows. But someone should be able to help.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I sure hope so for the sake of the child's well being. It's just sad to see what a hard time he's going through. I can't even imagine the embarrassment later on when he gets older and goes to a sleepover.
17 Jun 08
I still wet the bed i have to wear pampers active fit 4+
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
17 Jun 08
Sorry for your problem lukedarragh. I'm glad that you wear the pampers if it helps. Thanks for your comment
• United States
7 Jun 09
Well I still wear diapers too, for poop. I have psychological reasons for why I wear. And yes I do see a psychologist for my issues....and although I haven't been diagnosed, I think I may have encopresis, I am 29 by the way.
• United States
5 May 08
I agree Something needs to be fixed with this since the kid is 9 he should be trained to use the bathroom already, and pooping his pants, that should not be happening either, maybe child services needs to look at this to see what is happening.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I agree with you on this one johnscoolplace. I don't know if it's my place to call child and family services but I'm sure tempted too. I'm sure the school has mentioned his problem to his grandmother who has custody of him but knowing her she's probably shrugged her shoulders and said oh well and laughed about it. I don't think she has the common sense to do anything about it but I'm going to try my best to get through to my friend about her son's problem and give her some advice that I've learned on mylot from the responses and see where that takes us. Thank you for your advice
@Hatley (117712)
• Garden Grove, California
5 May 08
Have your friend take her son to see his doctor as a child that age that fouls himself is either having a serious physical problem or is retarded or has some other mental or emotional problems. the doctor should be able to sort things out and if necessary recommmend seeing a mental health person or a consuler or a renal doctor. a normal nine year old knows to go to the bathroom when its necessary so something is very wrong, and its not just being disobedient or ornery either. he needsto be seen by a medical doctor.
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
Yes hatley I agree with you completely and I'm going to suggest this to her. He's in the habit of lying so badly that he's not aware what the truth is, and I believe his grandmother who has custody is allowing him to get away with it and not teaching him that lying is not okay. She's the type that will just shrug her shoulders like oh well.. lets just move on maybe tomorrow will be a better day. She's not with it either. I think the grandmother needs help as well mentally. Thanks for your information about what that doctor is called it will be handy once I've passed it onto my friend.
• United States
5 May 08
i would definetly tell her to take the child to the doctor now.there could be an underlying medical problem. one of my ex's had two members of his family one 5 and one 14(!) that still wore diapers.the 14 yr old progressed to adult diapers by that time. i only know because he asked me to change the 5 year old once(i refused). so,it definetly can continue.
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
That's so sad and I don'g want my friend to go through that either. I'm going to let her know all of the great advice that mylotters have given. thanks for your advice as well.
• Philippines
5 May 08
His son needs great attention. He lacks of it that is why he is doing that. His parents should let him realize that what he is doing is wrong. They should let him realize that he is a grown boy already and what would his other playmates say if they knew he was doing that still at his age. Tell you friend that if her son still doesn't change after talking to him about this things try giving him a price if he doesn't wet his pants in a day. Tell her to tell his son that he will have a treat if he tries very hard to go to the bathroom when he needs to pee or poo. Or another thing she can do is let him pee before he goes to bed. Set a time for him to seat on the toilet bowl for a while for him to have a scheduled time to poop. When he gets settled to that time he'll be doing it often that time and your friend won't have trouble with it anymore. Tell her to have him go to the Toilet as often as he needs to just to get him familiarized that he needs to go there when he needs to. I have 5 kids and when they were learning we had them seat on the bowl for a certain period of time to pee or poo. Before sleeping, when waking up, before going out of the house and coming in. It does work. She just needs a little patience with his son.
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I will definitly let her know what to do by telling her about your theory. Thanks for your help I"m sure it will be in good use. Unfortunitly my friend doesn't have custody of her child, his grandmother does and trying to tell her what to do is like talking to a wall. I would call her but it's not in my place to... or is it? It's like he has to learn to go to the bathroom and how to use it all over again. My friend believes it's psychological and when she said this I told her it's in her best interest to get this fixed now before he reaches his adult years because I have a cousin who wet the bed until he was older. I can see that accidents happen but I really believe in my heart that my friend's son is just doing it for attention. Thanks for your help!
@sweetdesign (5152)
• United States
5 May 08
If this is a recent turn of events and he just suddenly started doing this it could be a sign of abuse. Children who are molested or sexually abused tend to regress into bedwetting and other behavioral issues.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I can't really assume that he's being sexually abused or any other kind of abuse done here, but he is special needs and I think this is his problem. I'm going to suggest that she takes him to the doctor to get some help and if she doesn't then I will consider or suspect that as a form of abuse then I'll take it to the next step. Thanks for your thoughts
• United States
5 May 08
My stepsister wet the bed until she was about 12 or 13 when they finally took her to the doctor as it was NOT just going away. She did not wet herself or poo during the day though, it only happened at night when she was sleeping. The doctor put her on meds because they said that she slept so hard that there was no way possible for her to wake up on her own and they give her some kind of medication but I do not know what it was. But this very well could be a medical problem. I hope they find out what it is though.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
I hope they find out what it is too because I don't want anymore sleep overs. He's ruined a $300.00 matress of ours. I hope his gaurdian takes him to the doctor or the school does something about it too! Thanks for sharing your advice
@subha12 (18472)
• India
5 May 08
i have seen many children having this. actually due to feeling of embassasement many do not admit it or consult doctor. it may be he is not all doing this intentinally. may be he is having some problem. when he is pooped on pant, it may be he is having some real problem. better to consult with doctor and till the rprblem is solved, put him in adult diapers.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
Thanks for your advice
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
5 May 08
Maybe he needs to see a doctor coz there must be a cause. Tell her to seek professional help for her son.
1 person likes this
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
Thanks for your comment
@mbs730 (2155)
• Canada
5 May 08
Its normal for kids' bladders to take a while to develop but this sounds excessive. Yes, the child should be seen by a pediatrician and see why he is having accidents so often like that. Parents sometimes are in denial when something is wrong with their child, and I know this from experience. I hope the parents will accept that something is not right and get the child seen by a dr.
@nixxi76 (3193)
• Canada
5 May 08
Hello mbs, My friend was asking the same thing also.. maybe it's psycologically something wrong but then that's her problem, she won't seek help about anything that passes her thoughts. I told her this needs to be fixed now before it can't be at all and I went on to tell her about my cousin and how he wet the bed even until he was in his adult years. Thanks for your comment