Killing them with kindness.

I can't think of any specific examples of when I've done this, but I've done it, Bella, for sure, many times in my life. It can work so beautifully too and leave the person speechless or so flustered, it's a wonderful thing to see happen. It also keeps you on the high road and gives you the upper hand too, because it so throws the receiver off balance. If you can do it, 'cause it's hard, it's a great way to respond to meanness or cruelty or just general bad-tempered people. Good discussion, Bella, you should get some good responses to it.

I have heard that phrase bella sweetheart! In our family though they usually use it to mean someone is spoiled beyond what is good for them! I do think though that when someone is nasty and you remain polite, civil and sweet it really gets up their nose - I have done it many times when I was working while inwardly I seethed and called them every bad name I could think of! xxx

yeah this works perfectly miraculous! i mean, i like it so much i can see how things would turn out when you have actually pissed someone off becasue you are too kind and they are expecting you to be raging mad. you can really get to their nerves. believe me it works. and its such a sweet revenge.

The term killing them with kindness kinds of washing out what you are trying to do in the first place don't you think? LOL I would say the very best thing to do is not allow anyone to upset you in the first place. you heard the term misery loves company, well when someone "trys" to make you upset that is because they are feeding off it. it is a process, but once you learn to have no reaction at all, you will see how peaceful your mind and life becomes.

I hate this phrase, almost as much as I hate revenge is a dish best served cold. I don't kill people with kindness because it would damn near kill me to be kind to someone I loathe.

You don't know what people have been through. You are kind because you are, not rude because they are. People only learn from example, when your actions do not mimic theirs. I had issues with some girls in highschool. They'd stare weird, I hear them say my name and giggle, but when they talked to me and acted nice (I realized maybe they did want to be my friend, and maybe they were mean for other reasons, they didn't really know who I was yet anyway, and I was going to show them) So when they would talk to me, even knowing they may have said stuff, I'd talk to them. Usually these were the people who didn't pay attention in class, because they didn't understand. But I did. When I ended up near them, they were wary of my presence but when I realized they were trying in class, and I could hear their questions and they were confused, but trying, that's when I'd say hey, this is what we're supposed to do. I think they were so used to the "smart" kids, ignoring them and thinking they were dumb and disruptive, instead of realizing that they were people with questions. I didn't make them feel stupid, and I didn't just give them the answers. I let them know, that I am a kind person, and I will help people who actually need it... I think that's what some of them wanted more than anything, someone who genuinely, wanted to help them...

Yes I have heard of that. And sometimes I do and it really does work. Because they get so mad when your nice they want you to yell at them and when you dont they get even angrier.LOL

I was always taught that too. I've also heard the saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer". I tend to just stay away from ppl I don't like...that way I don't have to deal with them at all. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

When I sold used cars, a lot of times people would have buyer's remorse and get upset and hate me right after the sale. After a couple of months (because they paid weekly), they would begin to like me and even send me referrals.

This is impossible for me. I can't do it. I always have to tell people what I think. If I don't like you or someone is mean, I either stay away or tell them to p1ss off. Killing someone with kindness would mean I would have to be fake. I have problems doing that. It irritates me.

Hello bella, I have done this a couple of times before and usually it worked but other than that, it just made the person on the other end silent and not doing anything at all. It's either they are guilty, or pretending as if they are innocent or something. Well, when that happens, I don't go around playing nice guy anymore. I just keep quiet on my end and if they start to 'act' nice and start all over, then I would do the same method again. I think in this life, there are just many people who loves playing victims. Even if you have done nothing wrong to them, they would go all out and run and tell everyone that you either bully them or make them sad and depressed. If you answer them rudely, they will say that you take things pretty bad, but if you just play the silent game and be the nice guy with not so much comments, they would label you as stuck-up and pretending that nothing has happened. I think these are 'attention-seeking' people and it's sad how sometimes even friends could do you this way. Well, who says the world is filled with perfect humans, right. Take care and have a nice day. Good discussion here, I like it.

How funny you should bring this up, I live by this motto, and it is something that my Mum taught me to do years ago. My Mum and Dad owned and run pubs as a career for about 22 years, so they have come across all sorts of you know whats in that time. I decided to work behind the bar and of course came across the you know whats myself, well I was a bad tempered little so and so and would stand no messing and so I would get in a strop and just threaten to knock their blocks off!! My Mum told me one day, the more you do that the more they will wind you up, the best defence against people like that is to smile and be nice. If you smile and be nice they do not know what to do, it throws them because they are not expecting it. You give them nothing to fight you with so what can they do. So I tried it, and you know what it works!! So when I meet an ar-- you know what, I just smile, be nice and agree with them.

when someone is intentionally attempting to cause pain and upset.. im not a turn the other cheek kind sort of person. these sorts are looking for, wanting, a reaction from you. turning indifferent and not giving it.. not giving ANYthing, is the best payback there is. sides.. Karma does more than i could ever possibly dream of in my wildest violent fantasies anyways!

Actually, I just had one an hour or two ago. I got a call from a particularly nasty credit agency, & rather than treating them as they (I spoke to multiple agents, & supervisorszs of agents) treated ME, I quietly explained why I wasn't able to pay, treated them kindly, answered every question politely, etc. Then it just got better & better. We had a long & chummy chat, & when we rang off, they were finally convinced I was telling the truth & simply COULDN'T pay 'til I found a job! And the change in their tone was just incredible! The last fellow I spoke to left it up to ME to call back when _I_ was ready! :o) Maggiepie

See my discussion "How to Tame a Stupid Man"...................ROFL

My mom was a firm believer of this method. I use it at work mostly, on the people I do not like so much. I am always nice to them, it keeps them from being iky to me anyway, and it helps me from getting all bent out of shape about them as well. I usually do not have to work often with these people. Thank goodness because to keep it up every day would be hard.

My mom used to say something similar to that but I found that while that works on some people it does not always work on others.One of my coworkers in the library where I was working always had something grim to talk about.MOst of the staff tended to avoid her but I bent over backwards killing her with kindness and being mary sunshine but all this accomplished was she tried to be my bosom buddy and talked me into the blues with her constant grim stories. I was really glad when she decided to leave for a different job.That time my kindness really did not do what I had hoped it would.

The closest I have come is when someone seems to have road rage. Often people tailgate, when they want to pass, but cannot do it safely, which annoys me and I have taken steps to smarten them up. But as they eventually pass, since that is my real goal, to get rid of them so they can go on to have their blasted accident without me, I usually smile sweetly, and wave. Usually muttering something under my breath that they cannot hear, filled with some profanity or criticism of their dreadful driving habits.

Yup, Yup., Yup. I have heard the expression, and an irony to it all...I heard my step-dad say it, even tho I refer to him as the evil step dad. I don't remember him ever being kind, his rendition was more like "you can attract the bees with honey"...or something similar to that. Anyway. As a child, young adult, I hated him and his stupid remarks towards me and in reference to my brothers. I didn't take the crap, I spilled it all back out on him. But this always made the situation worse. Shortly after I turned 16, I had an epiphany. I just started to smile and nod when he started in on me. He'd make stupid demands and I'd say, "ok" and run off and get it done and return to what I was doing. I treated him with kindness in all aspects. He didn't know how to handle this. It was like seeing a deer in the headlights. My mom and brothers picked up on it, and they all started to do it as well. Not as often as me, but they still did it. He only stuck around a couple more months. His exit from our life was traumatic, as he took many things that were necessary to live, but our lives had never been happier than the time that followed.