My Husband's Mother

@CatsandDogs (13964)
United States
May 14, 2008 10:51am CST
She passed away this morning. She's at peace finally. My husband was with her when she went over to the other side. She was in a great deal of pain and suffered quite a bit so is why I say finally. It's not to be mean at all for I'm not like that. I'm not a vindictive person. I may get angry but I'm not vindictive. I'll always stand up for what's right and never for the wrongs. Bless her heart. She's with her mother and father as well as her two step brothers that she dearly loved. May she rest in peace! Hubby will be coming home some time today. I wish I could just drive up there and get him but he says no, that he'll be home soon. I just want to wrap my arms around him for I know he's grieving so hard. He loved her dearly all throughout his life. To him it didn't matter what she's done and didn't do, he still loved her with all his heart. My husband could be a saint in the making for he's got qualities that most of us don't have. He can love without malice or ill feelings. I'm so glad he's mine!! Can't wait to see him again and just hug him silly! And I will when he gets home! Thank you all for being so caring and understanding at my absence however, it just might get a wee bit worse for I've got other things that have come up which I'll explain in another discussion. Hugs to all of you and thank you for your prayers on her behalf!!
7 people like this
17 responses
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
14 May 08
Sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers. I totally understand the 'finally'.
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you. It sounds like I'm being cruel to some but it's definetely not meant that way. She was suffering so much and to finally see it end or hear it end, is a blessing to my heart and of course my husbands. She will be missed by him, no doubt but she's in a much better place.
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16194)
14 May 08
I am sorry for your hubbys loss but if she was suffering then at least she is at peace now. I think that it is the worst feeling in the world to see someone that you love suffering, I think that it causes more stress waiting for the inevitable than when it is over. But as usual all my thoughts are with you all and I hope that everything else gets better for you all. xx
3 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you very much gemini_rose. I'm happy for her to be at peace now instead of the unbelieveable pain she endured and for so long but yet I'm sad for my husband for he loved her so much even through her meanness towards him and everybody else. It's such a sad shame that she was like she was but maybe now she knows how loved she really was.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
15 May 08
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope things will start looking up for you and your husband. You guys have been going through alot lately. Just hold on to each other and keep the communication open and you will make it. I will keep praying for you guys.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
Thank you for your kind words.... In truth, it's a relief that it's over for his mom because she was suffering terribly even though she was on the morphine patch. She had to be so for her to pass over is a relief because I know she's in a better place and to be honest, a load off of us. I know hubby will miss her but she's much better off and we both know that. Oh I'm going to hold on to him real tight when he comes home!! He's going to stay at his sisters house for a few more days because all of his siblings are there, which is a rare occasion to happen so he wants to spend some time with them all which I completely understand. He needs this time with them to reflect on the past and happy memories which will help him to heal but when I get him he's going to get a great big ole hug from me!!
@pyewacket (44041)
• United States
15 May 08
Oh my goodness CatsAndDogs..I'm so sorry. You really do have a lot on your plate right now, between what has been happening with your own mother and now the passing of your husband's mother. And yes, I do understand the "finally" part. When my mother was in the hospital the very last time, adn she was in a medicated induced coma, they kept telling me, I guess to reassure me that my mother wasn't in pain, which I knew to be a lie....she had severe pneumonia and the would have to clear out her lungs, and suck out the liquid...but I'd be there watching them do the procedure, and even in her coma state I would see my mother's face grimace with pain...so when she went, it was in a sense a blessing to that she was finally out of pain as well. Sending prayers to both you to cope with your needs, and for your hubby for his loss. ((hugs))
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
Hi Pye.... Yeah my plate is a wee bit heavy right now but some how I'm managing... barely. Hubby decided to stay at his sisters for a few more days because all of his siblings are together which is very unusual so he wants to spend some time with them. I wish so much that I could be with him but I can't because of my own mom. Talking about guilt. I feel guilty for that and for my mom making it and his didn't. I almost lost mine three times in two weeks time! We both know that life isn't fair. Never has been and it never will be so we have to accept what happens because there's no changing it. When we thought we'd have to agree to mom having her lungs suctioned out again, she was adamant that she didn't want it done. We could tell from her eyes and the way of her body language so we held off doing that which landed her back on the ventalator. At least that's what I think. But now she has the trech in and is sleeping peacefully and her color is back in her face but she's so darned depressed. She cried and I cried. It's so hard to see someone so active to be reduced to not being able to talk or even hold a pen. Damn! I wish I could help her but I can't. She just doesn't deserve this!
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
14 May 08
I am so sorry to read this Cats, I am so sorry that you are both going through all this tough time right now I hope that your Husband will be fine, but I am sure with your Love for him he will get through this tough time now You are both in Heart and thoughts Big Hugs to both of you
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
Thank you gabs! Yeah we're going through some rough times but we're making it thanks to the love God has for us. He's giving us the strength to go on. It's the only way I can figure as to why I haven't fallen apart - yet. Hugs to you too sweetie!
@GardenGerty (93698)
• Marion, Kansas
14 May 08
You have a kind attitude as well to see this in him. Please continue to keep us posted. I am not online very often, so I am really behind the times on news from you. We all need a few saints in our lives, it keeps the rest of us nicer, as well.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 May 08
Oh gosh GardenGerty, it's been pure hell. To give you a basic run down on my happenings, my husband's mother was suffering from circulation in her legs and dementia, she got gangrene in one leg but her kids knew she wouldn't want to have the amputation done so they abided by her wishes. Now that she's passed, it's a blessing for she's out of pain now. My mother had a bad stroke, which is in the brain stem. Most people who've had this kind of stroke don't survive to get to the emergency room. My mom did and it's been a roller coaster ride ever since. We almost lost her two more times afterwards, she's been on the ventalator twice and is in surgery at the moment to be fitting with a trech which will be so much better for her. She'll be going to a rehab center in Greensboro sometime tomorrow. She's alert and is raising her hands when asked to and looks at us in the eyes and nods or shakes her head and even cries so she's still with us in her mind. She can't breathe very well because of the flem in her lungs keep building up again and again. Her gag reflux, vocal cords and coordination is affected a great deal. She can't swallow at all because they're all paralyzed so she has a feeding tube. We hope she'll regain the use of most if not all of these things with rehab or at least some of it.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (93698)
• Marion, Kansas
14 May 08
You probably feel very torn between the two ailing mothers.Thanks for the quick update.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 May 08
You've certainly have that right!! It's horrible!!
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
15 May 08
Oh my good friend, I've been absent from here for some time too. I reach out and send my condolence to your hubby and family. Thanks for keeping us up to date over your mother in law during the difficult times.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
Well hello there Loen! It has been a while since you've been around here, hasn't it? Good to see you back! Thanks for the condolences. I'll tell my hubby for I'm sure he'll be appreciative as well. She's in a much better place and not suffering anymore.
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
15 May 08
Hi there, Yes, and let your cats and dogs bring comfort to your hubby too. They are such angels during difficult timtes. (((hugs)))
@mummymo (23709)
14 May 08
Oh sweety at least she is not suffering any more and her family are not being tortured by watching her suffering and knowing that it is all in vain! I do understand why you said finally and I think anyone who knows you would understand that! You have such a lot on your plate right now it is good that your husband will be home soon and you can support each other! Thank you for updating us cats and please pass on my sympathies to your husband! xxx
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for understanding me. You're a real friend! Hubby decided he's not coming home for a few more days because they're going to have a viewing tomorrow afternoon. I wish I could go and be with him in support but I can't because my mom is going to be moved from the hospital to the rehab center so I need to be there for her. Gosh, I'm so torn! I will pass on your condolences to him. On his behalf, thank you.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
14 May 08
Cats honey I understand you want to be there with and for him but your husband loves you and understands that right now you cannot be there and he is probably torn too as he wants to support you and your family through everything! You will both be fine and I pray you are together very soon! Take care sweety, Hugs xxx
@Hatley (163980)
• Garden Grove, California
15 May 08
CatsandDogs sounds like you have a wonderful husband and I think he is lucky too for he has an understanding wife too. It will be hard for him with his mom gone but sounds like at last she will not be suffering any more.hugs to you both.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
Awwww that's a sweet thing for you to say!! Thank you!! I try to be understanding but I do have my bad moments. Afterall I am only human but I do try to be a good person to everyone especially my hubby and my parents and of course my friends but I'm not perfect but I try!! I agree, his mom is in a better place and not suffering anymore. Bless her heart. Some day hubby will meet her again but I pray it's not anytime soon!
@wisedragon (2331)
• Philippines
14 May 08
I think the loss of a loved one is the worst, most painful experience a person could ever have. But we trust that God will have mercy on them and keep them. I will pray for your mother-in-law.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
I can't agree more. I almost lost my mom three times the past two weeks due to her rare stroke which is another discussion. Even though we all knew she was going to pass, it's still hard on the loved ones. I just hope and pray that my husband is able to handle it alright since I can't be with him because my mom being in the hospital. He does have his four siblings to be with so I think he's in good hands. I can only hope.
@luvstochat (6916)
• United States
14 May 08
I am sorry to hear of the passing of your mother in law. I hope you husband will find peace in that his mother is now in a better place and is no longer in pain. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you all prepare to say goodbye to her for the final time.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
15 May 08
Unfortunetly I can't be with him because of my own mother being so sick in the hospital. It's been pure hell for the past two weeks having to deal with both of our mothers, one is dying and passed today and the other we almost lost three times but luckily were able to save her. Hubby and I live an hour and a half away from his mom and step dad and so with the gas prices like they are, it was nearly impossible for him to be there as much as he wanted to but he did make it just in time to be with her when she did pass. Yes I agree whole heartingly that she is in a better place and not suffering anymore but gosh, it's so hard on my husband for he loved her dearly. Thank you for the prayers. Bless you!
@foxyfire33 (10017)
• United States
14 May 08
I totally understand about the 'finally' part. It is very hard to watch a loved one suffer. You and your husband are really having some trying times lately. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 May 08
Thank you for understanding for it certaintly wasn't meant to be cruel. She's out of that suffering body now and is at peace. Even though she was a mean lady, still I didn't wish her any harm because I'm a firm believer in what's right is right and wrong is wrong. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers. We sure do need them. Bless you!!
@mamakat (321)
• United States
20 May 08
I'm so, so sorry about you and your husband's loss. I completely understand your sense of relief in her passing, since she is now out of pain and is no longer suffering. I'm glad your husband was able to be with her at the end. That had to be hard on him, but so wonderful that he was there supporting her as she was finally freed from her suffering. Please know that all my (and my family's) thought, prayers, and love are with you and your family as you go through this difficult time. Give your husband a couple extra gianormous hugs--sounds like he's a wonderful guy who deserves them! *hugs*
• India
17 May 08
I am so sorry to hear the news,and will def pray that her sould rests in piece. If she was suffering, its only fair to let her be at piece. its also nice tokow that there are still nice people around the place who care without mallice and forgive and forget. God Bless...
@cher8558 (425)
• Canada
15 May 08
Hi friend, I am so sorry for your loss and your husband's. It sounds like she was suffering a lot and for that I am thankful that God has taken her and she is truly at peace now. God Bless you and your family Cheryl
@rhettaa (215)
• United States
15 May 08
I am sorry for your husband's loss and yours.
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
15 May 08
I am sorry to hear of your grief. You are fortunate to have such a man in your life so hold him close and he will be grateful for your love and support. More prayers go out to you both as you deal with being without her.