unexpected question from a kid!!!gosh!!!
By lady11eve
@lady11eve (311)
Philippines
May 18, 2008 3:05pm CST
just yesterday,i stayed at home cos of the typhoon here,and watch tv with my 3 year old baby girl,theres these scene on tv that husband and wife fight then got separated,its actually just a trailer of a local movie in here.when were finally at our room cudling,she suddenly ask a questions i never really thought that it would come onto her young mind....she ask me so seriously; "mommy do you had fights with my father?did he ever slap you?""maybe he punch you thats why you leave him?"...she waited for my answer,stared at me so innocently...i wasnt expecting that cos i havent told her yet about her dad,she sees her father when shes just 1year old,and i thought she didnt remember it already.i thought day would come that she will just ask "wers my daddy?,"
how could a 3 years old thought of that,she knows she has a father,but never ask where it is...
i came to an answer "nop baby,we dont fight,your daddy needs to go in to another country coz people there needs his service,and thats why we separate ways...but he will visit you sumday"
she dont ask another question but i know...shes thinking of another one.
we never talk about my ex at home...so im wondering how could she thought of that,,,i used to prepare answers for the posibble questions that she would come up one day,like..."is daddy loves me?,why daddy leave me?,can i see daddy,do you love daddy?..."
kids really think diffrently these days...
6 people like this
12 responses
@TriciaW (2441)
• United States
18 May 08
You have a very bright little girl. I would always be honest with her and open with her as there will be many more questions in her future she will be asking. I have 3 daughters and to this day they come up with questions that shock me but they know they can ask and I will be honest with them. I believe that is why I have been lucky to have daughters that think on their own and don't always follow the group. You will be thankful for that one day too. It may be time to contact your ex and let him know he needs to talk to his daughter.
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
18 May 08
i actually emaild her dad already..didnt recieve reply yet.
im glad your close to your girls.
my baby acting like shes older than me,sumtimes she ask me to go home early cos its raining,or stop watching tv cos its late,other people notice that too,thats shes independent.
shes just 3 but act double of her age.i work at home,spend more time cuddling her,and i thought shes still a baby,until that question wakes me up,noticed shes really independent...now im thinking its too early for her...
@tessah (6617)
• United States
18 May 08
i really hope that what you told her was the truth. eventually she will learn the truth, and if you werent honest with her.. shes going to not only be unable to trust you, its going to be a double whammy of pain and betrayals from all sides.
having raised my oldest without any input from her biological father, im well familiar with the questions and the pain it causes. but you can still be honest without being badmouthing or crass. i didnt buy gifts and put his name on them and lie saying they were from him, but he just couldnt be there.. when shed ask questions.. i told her simple truth without being degrading. i didnt soften the blow that her sperm-donor was just simply a ratbastard that didnt care. his absence was just another thing that she took for granted as ordinary in her life same as every other kid takes ordinary things for granted. now that shes an adult.. shes formed her own oppinions of the man.. without influence in either direction from me, and she knows that she can always always trust me to be honest with her about everything.
3 people like this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
18 May 08
i never really wanna lie to my daughter.
once in a while her dad email me to check on her,and send gifts.shes just happy to recieve the gift but dont ask about his dad.the common question she ask is "did he bought it from abroad?",or "did he ask you what i like?"and she will just say "tell him thanks and its nice"...
we act normal at home as if the separation is not a big deal,and she never sees me grieved from the break up,cos its beens years already.
we never had big fights of her dad instead we keep away our thoughts from each other till we are not communicating at home anymore,and in the end we decided we are not really meant cos we dont share same passion and realize wer not compatible.it was a peacefull break up.you know the feeling that you just accepted the fact your not meant for each other...ofcors i also got hurt,but not to the extent i cursed him,atleast i know he will provide for our daughter.
me and mom dont open the topic of my ex at home,and my baby acted as if she already know me and her dad are on diffrent lives already,im glad its not hard for her to see that.
its just that i dont want her to think that her dad is as bad as what she saw on tv.wasnt really expecting and i didnt expect that kind question would come out from her.its ok for me to let her see her dad if she like,as what hes dad always telling me,that he will see her wen he gets home...
@liquorice (3887)
•
18 May 08
Wow, that must have been a shock. Children never fail to surprise you, and I think it's typical to prepare answers to such things only to find that they don't need to ask these questions after all, probably because they've figured out the answers themselves. They are often cleverer than we think!
And the fact that she remembers things from two years ago, I'm not surprised. People think that children don't remember things, but my daughter also keeps coming out with things that I think she'll have forgotten ages ago, and it really freaks me out sometimes. She's two and she still remembers a trip we made to the hospital when she was one, even though we've never reminded her of it!
Your daughter sounds quite mature and thoughtful with her questions :)
3 people like this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
18 May 08
she actually more like to talk to older people from her,wen we are at the play haus,she just play with the kids there but she spent time talking to the guardian of her playmate,and sumtimes i wake up feeling her hands rubbing my cheek,then she will sing for me,ask me to sleep again...shes doing what i do for her.i even caught her making sandwich for us...shes just 3,and shes acting independently...i thought i spoild her already cos mom said im too giving her evrything she ask,even not neccessary.
@blackmantra_x (2732)
• Philippines
19 May 08
Yah. With this age and exposure. We should be prepare to answer their obvious questions and prepare to get shock from their unexpected ones.
1 person likes this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
19 May 08
somtyms i wish she wont grow fast,,,that she wud just stay a baby,,,so she will need me as always...but thats the contrary...shes growing fast,and cant control it...
@sturner03 (326)
• United States
19 May 08
It's amazing how smart some kids are starting to become at such a young age these days. My daughter does no completly talk yet shes almost 2. But some of the things she does shock and amaze me. That was a good response on your toes. It is hard to know sometimes what to answer to a question like that so a child will know its not there fault without you having to say it and keep them thinking the world is an innocent and pure place.
2 people like this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
20 May 08
i been practicing for years already...for posible answers that i shud come up with questions from my baby...i was once told of her pedia,that i shud be polite and stay calm when answering her.but deep inside,im shaking and wanted to runaway...my parents are separated too,and i didnt recieve any single explanation from them...and i dont want baby to be as confuse as me when i was growing...
@Cole_Trinity_Pheniox (191)
• United States
18 May 08
Kids are a lot more aware then most of us give them credit for. I have encountered some really complex questions during my times around young children. I am always astonished. It seems like if we have the patience to listen and try to figure out where they are coming from there is a far more complex thinking individual in front of us then we might assume. It is obviously natural to be interested in her father. She is just wants to know why her daddy isn't around. She made the connection through seeing it on t.v. or in the movie trailer, that some relationships end because of abuse.
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
18 May 08
i gues the media really affects the way kids think these days...
i shud be more ready to more shocking questions...:)
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
18 May 08
i don't have a child yet at the moment... but i know that children can be very unpredictable at times... they can ask you the least unexpected questions and caught you off guard... i hope you can provide her with an honest and truthful answer as i think she needs to kow about her father... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
18 May 08
yeah...they will ask you questions true to them.questions that they are serious to know and wont take "no/stop it" for answers,so im thinking more and more explanations that is harmless to her understanding.tnx...
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
18 May 08
Kids are a lot smarter than their parents give them credit for being, or want to think they are. With such intellegence comes the knowledge of unpleasant things, like your daughter expressed here. Kids are not stupid, they pick things up in life, whether we want to think they do, or not.
1 person likes this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
20 May 08
i really cant under estimate her...shes been into 2 surgery...2006-clept lip operation,2007-clept palate operation....and shes preparing to face the open heart surgery...but you cant see her get tired or weak...
im so proud of her coz doctors admire her happy personality.
yes im indeed lucky mom...
@phillygirl606 (1112)
• United States
19 May 08
I'm sure you were shocked it just goes to show though that we cannot underestimate our young kids. I just started getting questions this past year from my son. He's about to be 7 years old. When he had started to the other kids would talk about their dads, and my kid doesn't even know his. (This is and always has been his father's choice)
I explained somewhat, but I know sooner or later we are gone to have to have a serious talk about it. That he is gone to have many questions. It's a scary thought to think that it probably will be sooner rather than later that hes really gone to want to know.
1 person likes this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
20 May 08
yeah...no matter how i have prepare for that moment,she still gives me this scay and shocking feeling...i used to make list of questions base on my experience when i was a kid(but never hear my mom answer it)...but my baby com up with questions i never thought before.
philly,i think we shud be more aware of unexpected questions from our kids...im starting to ask some single parents too,and read some books on how to be patien on answering...cos i know every answer ther would be a following question...goodluck to us...
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
18 May 08
lady11eve I thinkit was the movie trailer with the scene
showing a husband and wife fighting that brought that
question into your three year olds mind. she sounds really'
very bright fo a three year old.imaging her picking up on
that. I would treat as an extra ordinarily bright child.
she evidently is about ready to hear about her daddy but
I imagine just in small easy to understand chunks.Kids are
like little sponges now days and pick up much more thant we
realize. have fun with that sweet little girl.lol
1 person likes this
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
18 May 08
tanx hatley...yeah its actually what she saw,,,made her think like that..
she picks up easily.thats why im watching what shes watching,cos i want to xplain ryt away what she dont understand..
im reading an article on how to be mild on explaining things to kids i myt be hard on terms and i dont want that to happen...tnx hatley
@jannijanni (866)
•
19 May 08
whoa...if i was in that situation i'd flip over. kids today are so visual. with that i mean they think what happens on tv is actually a reflection of their own lives...
but i find it kinda sweet she asks those things...
@lady11eve (311)
• Philippines
20 May 08
yeah...shes thoughtful...she ask that questions to know if i got hurt...im lucky to have her...
