can you truly be friends with an ex?

@only1shi (405)
United States
May 20, 2008 5:05pm CST
i'm the kind of person that believes in friendship. ideally, before you enter into a relationship with someone, you should be friends. but once the relationship sours, can you still be their friend? my husband thinks not. once he's done with someone, he wipes them completely from his memory. i don't know if that's the way to go either. i guess i'm asking because my first love recently contacted me over myspace. our relationship was really up and down for years. after infidelity on his part, and tons or tears on my side and more lies than i can count. we were friendly for a while until he admitted to trying to sleep with my best friend while we were still dating. not that i'm at all interested in reigniting the flame, but i'm not sure that i can really be friends.
1 person likes this
22 responses
@hellcowboy (7383)
• United States
21 May 08
I personally believe it is better to leave your ex's in the past,because if they try to be friends with them,it could cause trouble between the one you are with,and in my case,I wouldnt let anyone or anything come between me and my fiance.
2 people like this
@kassdaw (593)
• United States
24 May 08
I actually just got off the phone with my ex boyfriend. He calls about once a week or I call him. This would seem strange for most people, I think. But we broke up 5 years ago. Our friendship has been rocky until now. I am married and he is in an awkward relationship. But, I still love him and I can't just ignore him. He was the first for a lot of things. We took vacations together and spent most of high school together. His family, I still consider my family. It breaks my heart to see a girl walk all over him. But at the end of the day I am still his last call casualty. And he is still mine. I know he loves me too, and we are best of friends it puts us in a strange place. I give him a hug and almost expect a kiss, I stand near him and remember holding his hand. I drive and I hear that song we use to listen to. I guess with our friendship comes memories and a little pain. But I would rather be friends then not have him in my life.
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@only1shi (405)
• United States
29 May 08
it almost seems to me that you may be holding on to him for the wrong reasons. how does your husband feel about your relationship with him? though i don't agree that a significant other should be able to dictate who you can associate with, it sounds like you may still have some strong feelings for him that could be unhealthy for your current relationship.
@kassdaw (593)
• United States
29 May 08
My husband, my ex and I are all going drinking on the 7th. My ex is staying on the couch because I wont let him drive after he has been drinking. My husband and him are friendly with each other and don't mind anything. My husband is the type of person that if something bugs him he will tell me. He doesn't even mind that my ex, my son and I are all hanging out on the 7th while my husband is working. He just doesn't care that I dated the guy and that he was my first love and that I still sleep with the bear he gave me for christmas the first year we were together. My husband trusts me and knows that I married him for a reason. I love my husband I am very much in love with my husband. But I can't stop loving my best friend even though he is my ex.
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@cutie143 (215)
• Philippines
21 May 08
of course you can still be friends with your ex... in due time especially both of you has moved on... but it is impossible to be friend with your ex if you still bear grudges or bitterness with him. just let bygones be bygones... its nice to live in a world with many friends around...
• Philippines
28 May 08
I agree with you cutie. it is impossible to be friends with somebody who hurts you if you are still bearing grudge. It is not that easy to do it. Well, if you already have move on and have another love who is much better than you ex- that would be fine. I can be friends with my ex- if I am happy with my present lover.
@marababe (2513)
• Philippines
21 May 08
Hi! Basically, I think it depends on how your first relationship with our ex was. Were you friends first or did you just become "lovers"? How was your romantic relationship? Were you always fighting? Was he always at fault? Was it physical? I think these things are considered when you decide to be friends with someone who broke your heart or the other way around. My first boyfriend and I are still friends. We were together for 2 years and I was the one who broke up with him. we're cool now though. Friends. We go out sometimes with his older sister and his nephew. Although it took some time for us to talk again. My 2nd boyfriend though is so immature. He's like my neighbor but we don't talk. We don't even greet each other. Awkward. I'm supposed to be the one who's mad at him for leaving me for another girl but then I was surprised when I called him to say that I forgive him. He shouted at me. Grrrr. So yeah, I believe it really depends on both of you if you can remain JUST friends. Cheers!
@only1shi (405)
• United States
22 May 08
nothing physical or too touchy-feely beyond kissing. i mean, we were 14 when we met. i wasn't at all interested in getting into that kind of relationship. but, for me at least, it was a very emotional relationship. there wasn't a whole lot of fighting, just more separation because we started going to different schools and just couldn't make time for each other.
• Philippines
29 May 08
It depends actually... When your ex truly hurt you then Im sure its hard to befriend with him again. But if you and your ex got a formal break up with a mutual understanding that you dont want the relationship anymore then I think being friends would be possible!
1 person likes this
22 May 08
I hope so! I'm still in the process of breaking up with my ex - we split up last week but he's not moved out yet. We've been talking about it a lot. He says he wants to be my friend (and vice versa) but only when I'm single... So my fingers are crossed anyway that we can get on ok and don't just slip back into the way we are together.
@hanirose (307)
• Philippines
21 May 08
yes, but not in all cases. i can say yes because i have an ex who is now my best-est friend in the world. It depends on what you have been through too. sometimes if you have been through a lot of hurtful experiences it's almost impossible to regress even into friendship.
21 May 08
About Three years ago i split up with an ex because we argued well too much, we had been together for just over two years. However we got on really well. But we found that we didnt really argue after the split. We decided to stay in touch and still be close friends. We both moved on and have got partners now. But we still talk and he still turns to me when he is in trouble or upset. We are really close friends still, and best of all we get on with each others partners now. Therefore it is ok to become friends and stay in touch with an ex. It is also good because you can talk about good times that you can remember with eachother.
@ryshawneo (405)
• Philippines
21 May 08
Well, honestly, i can't be friends with my ex.. i don't know, i'm just not that kind of person making friends after a failed relationship! :)
1 person likes this
@amirev777 (2552)
• India
21 May 08
hi i think that its very difficult to be friends with your ex.the reason being any person is your ex because u have split off with him-any split,even it may be with mutual consent will always bring some bitterness and that makes friendship very difficult.
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@subha12 (18453)
• India
21 May 08
i think its really tough. it also needs a lot of gut feeling to do that.sometimes the present partner can not be so much comfortable with the idea that you are in contact with your ex.
1 person likes this
• New Zealand
21 May 08
I guess it depends on the situation. For me, I am actually still friends with all of my past love because that's the kind of personality I've got, I always tend to end up as their best friend no matter how much they've hurt me. But if it becomes an issue with my new partner I will tend to lie low but make sure to explain it to my ex because for me it's not that I want to abandon them its just that I have to protect my current relationship. In fact I don't believe that my partner has to be jealous about it but if that's the way my partner thinks then I will respect that. Because to be honest I don't want my current partner to be in touch with the one who hurt her most too especially when there's no assurance between us because in my case though I'm friends with my ex she has nothing to be worried about because I'm all hers, I'm committed to her but she's not.
21 May 08
well for me i don't think that i can be friend with my ex after the relationship is over that is just so awkward! i don't know how to act in some ways or how to start a conversation either. becuz of course when i see him i could only remember our past and everything that had happened with the relationship. so i guess no, i can't be friend with an ex! period!
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@olga64 (1)
• Spain
21 May 08
i think that if you have a good relationship with your ex you can be friends, if you have children is better for them to see you both talking as friends rather than enemies
@batgal (18)
21 May 08
I am friends with both of my EX's. The first guy I was living with for 10 years, the relationship fell apart 9 years ago..but we have remained really good mates & I even get along with his new girlfriend. The second guy I was with for 9 years & actually married to for 8 of those years, we separated 8 months ago but have remained good friends also..I get along well with his new lady too. Although it really depends on the circumstance why you break up as to whether you can remain friends or not.
1 person likes this
@jhartana (1085)
• Australia
21 May 08
I am now married however my previous relationship with the last one did not go really well. Firstly it was a long distance relationship and both of us having trouble in communication and we were seldom meet each other. Secondly there are lots of conflicts between us that sometimes both of us cannot stand. Lastly that my father did not agree with my relationship. We ultimately made decision to break up but we were agreed that we can still be friends. Although I don't get in touch with her for awhile but I believe that both of us still friends. Now that I move on and I got married with my wife, my ex also currently in relationship with her boyfriend so I wish them all the best.
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@ambkeb (782)
• United States
21 May 08
I think you can be friends with an ex. THe person I was with before my husband and I were very close, yes we were together and yes we had a hard break up. But I miss him a lot now and miss just being able to talk to him. He moved away and I havent talked to him in a few years. Another one of my ex's who happens to be my best friends bother and I have been really good friends since I was like 10. My husband doesnt really like him, so I dont get to see him as often as I would like...mostly because the fight it would cause with my husband just isnt worth it. But he knows that Im not going to cut a childhood friend out of my life completely simply because he doesnt like him. My friend and I dated, and were actually together for 3 years before we decided we just didnt want to be a couple anymore. We really do make better friends then we ever did as couple. My husband and his ex wife were together for 12 years. They had a hard/long drawn out divorce. But they are still good friends as well.
1 person likes this
@Ben101 (120)
• United States
21 May 08
I think that in some cases it works really well and other times it doesn't work at all depending on how the relationship ended. In your case it doesn't sound like it would be the best plan but its really up you
1 person likes this
@musicman6 (2370)
• United States
20 May 08
I believe you can, it depends on how much maturity you bring into the situation! I am friends with both of my exes, and I have even gotten to know their new partners and am friends with them also! I'm not saying it was easy, I was hurt for a long, long time, but one day I asked God, "please help me understand, and help me heal these wounds, that have torn me apart"! And then suddenly one day, it came to me, and I rose above the hurt and the anger I had, and it has helped me feel so much better about myself for having this miraculous maturity that makes the world to me seem wonderful!
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@kerriannc (4280)
• Jamaica
20 May 08
Yes you can be friend with your ex. Unless you still have feelings for him and you cannot control yourself around him. Then you must remember that you are married so if he want to visit you do so with your husband. All my ex's and me is friend. We call and talk and laugh. The thing with us we were friends in the relationship and now that it is end we still have that friendship. Remember one has to move on with their lives and you have done that so he has to respect that also. If he come off being negative leave it alone and do not push it o.k.
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