Dutiful wife

@mayka123 (9501)
India
May 27, 2008 6:40am CST
Who exactly is a dutiful wife? One who always listens to her husband and does only what he says and likes? One who is at his beck and call every minute of the day and does not make some time for herself? One who only thinks of his likes and dislikes when she goes to the supermarket and does not buy anything that she likes and he dislikes? Is a women who sometimes just spends the day out with friends and asks her husband to make his own dinner not a dutiful wife? What to you think?
2 people like this
18 responses
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
27 May 08
Hi dear to me dutiful wife is one who care for his husband and try to deform as per his desires, take care of his home, kids, wealth, prestige duing his absent. dont cheat. and like wise hubby do the same, care for her mutual concern is always good
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
27 May 08
Please remember that after marriage it is not his home, kids, wealth but hers also. Why do you sai that she has to take care of his home. Is it not hers too. She is the wife not a servant!
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
28 May 08
Hi dear u r right, and i accept that correction but i did not mean as what u understand, i was talking in context as u start as saying His Likes and Dislikes, thats why at end i said, it should be mutual, means Husband is as responsible for every thing as Wife is, If wife is molding herself then husband should do tooo Take care
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
but you say ....take care of his home, kids, wealth, prestige during his absence. As if everything is his only and not hers.
@susanh39 (200)
• United States
27 May 08
Oh Mayka - this type of husband sounds like one who lords over his wife. That isn't a healthy relationship at all. No, this is not a description of a dutiful wife, but rather one who may have a husband who doesn't see them as a real person, a special, precious helpmeet. A dutiful wife is one who takes care of her husband, household, and children (if she has them), but also takes time for herself too. A good husband is one that will take his wife into consideration and love her and treat her as a precious jewel. She has to allow him to do so too though. Wow, the more I think about this discussion, there are so many facets! I hope you find the answer for which you are looking...
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
27 May 08
Staying in India we come across these kind of husbands often especially among the less educated and in villages. It is very difficult to change their way of thinking.
1 person likes this
@susanh39 (200)
• United States
27 May 08
Ahh...yes, I imagine culture has a lot to do with it too. When I was in college I had a friend who was dating a man from India and at that time, she was "allowed" to walk beside him, etc. Once they were married, she had to wear his choice of dress, keep her head down, and walk at least two yards behind him at all times, unless he spoke to her to come forward. It was heartbreaking to see this vibrant and wonderfully smart woman reduced to this "position".
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
I have learnt that boyfriends and fiances are different from husbands. Men like girl friend with short clothes but the moment she marries him she has to stop wearing revealing clothes. How they change overnight. They like oogling at others wives but no one should look at their wife!!!
@juliefaye (1215)
• Philippines
27 May 08
Those things you mentioned are a dutiful robot. Husbands and wives should be equal in everything. A dutiful wife does his responsibility so as the dutiful husband - a give and take relationship. I don't need to enumerate those responsibilities as it is already known to every mankind. The question is how it is being done? the answer showed in a happy face of her husband.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
27 May 08
Yes I agree with you that the things I mentioned are a dutiful robot. But when I look around I find many men who treat their wives like a robot. They are happy when the wife behaves like a robot. Many men dont know how to give in a relationship. They only want to take.
1 person likes this
@juliefaye (1215)
• Philippines
28 May 08
Sometimes it's their culture that influence them the most. The wife to be always submissive to her husband. In Yemen, an 8 year old girl married a 30 year old man and this was an arranged marriage. The child was abused and suffered the most. In some countries, the parents chooses their daughter's husband in exchange of a dowry. In this case, the wife becomes the husband's slave. But in a modern countries, women know their rights and they can even kill or cut-off the manhood of the abusive husband.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
Wives should not be on par with slaves. They why get married. Buy some slaves so that she can leave you and go away if she is not happy. Nobody should be bound this way.
@checapricorn (16076)
• United States
27 May 08
hahahaha...I can't be like that mayka! I guess it takes two in a relationship. We don't need to set rules and stick to it but we can always talk about things and always willing to volunteer to do stuff when we can see one is busy or doing something else.It is give and take to be successful. Not that one partner would like to take all the time or give all the time. I can still be dutiful without being demanding to my partner nor being slave to him! At least I have a very wonderful and open-minded partner...I hate to be treated like a remote!
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
Every woman hates to be treated like a remote. But every man seems to be wanting one. I love seeing couples who share all the responsibilites at home.
• United States
28 May 08
Hello mayka, I should say I am lucky to have a great partner..LOL, I guess no man will do or demand that if the woman will say something. The tendency for doing that and against of will might lead to misundersanding in the future!
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
4 Jun 08
Sorry for the late reply. I seem to have skipped some responses. Its great to be having an understanding partner. All the best and happy posting.
@dpk262006 (41049)
• Delhi, India
13 Aug 08
Appears somewhat tricky and difficult question to me. However, I'll try to be impartial. The who takes care of her family (including herself) and the one who is always concerned about her partner and kids. The one who know how to run her house-hold affairs, with skills and the one who knows how to maintain social relations with near and dear ones. The one who sometimes becomes little bit selfish to enjoy herself. The one who cares about her beauty too. I think the above qualities and some other will make a woman a dutiful wife and I can tell you that my better half has luckily all the above qualities in her, besides she is a working lady.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
14 Aug 08
Why should the wife be called selfish when enjoys herself? You are lucky to be having such a nice and dutiful life. I would also call a dutiful wife one who not only looks after her own parents after marriage but also her husbands parents. And to look after them you need not stay with them or they stay with you. YOu can stay separate and still keep an eye on them.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (41049)
• Delhi, India
14 Aug 08
Selfish was only to indicate, she should spare time for herself also. You appear a very dutiful wife who not only looks after her parents but her in-laws too, and I am quite sure, it is not an easy task. Hats off to you that you are managing all fronts nicely.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
15 Aug 08
I just care for those whom I love. And I think I am just doing my duty and nothing else.
@kaleegirl45 (1480)
• United States
28 May 08
I have to say that I'm just a wife. both my husband and I will do everything together. He works, I stay home do what needs to be done at home and take care of my mom(78 years old). When we go to the market we both go shopping. When we need to wash clothes, we both do it. I have to say, that he is one of a kind. When I do go out with my sister or daughter, he doesn't get mad. He tells me to go have a good time. When we go out, we have a good time also. He is my best friend, We are able to tell each other anything. (don't get me wrong, we have our fights and have gotten close to getting a divorce)But things seem to always work out. And if he needs to eat and I'm not home, he'll make himself something to eat.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
4 Jun 08
Sad to hear that you are seperated. But its good that you are still good friends. And I think all mothers complain that their husbands pamper their daughters. Whenever I have had any discussion on this topic with friends I have heard this lament very often. And there is nothing we seem to be able to do about this.
• United States
29 May 08
Your right, we do have a lot of good times. The reason I said that it got to one point where I wanted to get divorce was because he doesn't know when to say no to our daughter. My daughter and I bump heads all the time. and If I tell her what she need to do, he in turn will tell not to do it and he will do it for her. That is our biggest fights. There is more than this, and I just got to the point, where I gave up and I told him I wanted a divorce and that him and his daughter could move out. This way my daughter would be happy and she didn't have to listen to me anymore. Since than we talked, but I still have not won the battle. We are so called separate. As you said we are the best of friends, but when one friend can not back you up, what is one going to do. Now, he tell her what to do, if she can go out. and if she gets in trouble he's the one who is going to handle it.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
29 May 08
When our spouse is our friend then the marriage cannot be anything but happy. Of course there are bad times in any relationship. Dont brother and sisters or parent and children fight? So do husband and wife. We should know how to come out of it.
@jillbeth (2711)
• United States
27 May 08
I would say this is a culture difference, but I see this a lot in American men, too. To me, a dutiful wife is one who is faithful, considers her husbands likes and dislikes, who contributes to the family welfare. I think women who choose not to work should keep the house and children well-cared for. Women who choose to work, or have to, have a right to expect more help around the house. But the women who caters exclusively to her husband, without any thought to her own pleasure or things she enjoys, is going to be an unhappy wife. A husband who is not considerate of what his wife wants or needs is a poor husband.
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
28 May 08
hi dear very nice and lovely response and i agree with each and every word of U Take care
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
How true. In a house where both partners work I think the work and responsibilities in the house should also be shared. That way both are happy. And both husband and wife should be considerate and think about the others feelings and likes and dislikes.
@matola (32)
• Tanzania
4 Jun 08
I think being a wife doesent mean a slave sentence! infact the more you hover around him the more suffocating it becomes for the both of you.Going out with friends helps to put new ideas in your mind that you can in turn share at home with him.Its about time us ladies began to interprate marriage as a partnership and not a personal maid,mabe we will get more respect.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
5 Jun 08
Hi matola! How right you are. It is really suffocating if you have someone at your beck and call 24/7. But there are men on this planet who want it that way. I dont know why they dont get a maid for themselves.
@edx111 (21)
• Jamaica
29 May 08
I have been married for 26 years. From day one I regarded my wife as a partner, someone who chose to live with me, for better or worse. It has'nt been a bed of roses, there've been good times and bad, if you can't fight with your best friend, who can you fight with. Heck, if you don't regard your wife as your best friend, what did you marry her for? A dutiful wife? what's that? If she chooses to pick up things you like in the shop, thank her, for loving you enough to think about pleasing you with something you like, don't chastise her. get her some scent, some roses, something that tells her YOU have been thinking about HER, for a change Well, I would'nt want someone at my beck and call, I don't want a slave, I want a close friend, someone who knows me better than I do, someone who is there with me, who does things with me because she wants to............and I could go on and on and on.....................
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
29 May 08
I can only say that you both are lucky to have each other. Here in Asian countries there are many men though educatedm think they have brought home a slave and not a wife. I think they still need to understand the meaning of marriage. I too had a very good husband whom I could depend on for everything including getting all the help possible at home if I was sick or came late from work. Life is a bed of roses if we think of our spouse as a friend. Then even the bad times dont look so bad.
@Annmac (950)
28 May 08
All I can say is, I'm not one then! My hubby of 37 years, has never expected or even wanted me to be like that. As he's worked away a lot he's encouraged me to have a life outside of the home and doesn't expect me to change my routine. I have dinner with my daughter after our weekly shopping trip and if he's home he has to get his own dinner. He usually makes something cheesy or curried both of which I rarely cook as I hate the smell! If I'm working I'm out at meal-times so he has no choice but to make his own, and makes mine too because he knows I'll appreciate it! What you are describing is my JOB not my marriage! I'm a care-worker and when in someone elses home I'm there to be at their beck and call. I have most of the duties of a wife to perform to someone I'm not married to and don't even know who doesn't really care what I like or dislike! They don't have to! I expect them to treat me like a servant, I expect my hubby to treat me as his equal.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
29 May 08
How nice it feels when we reach home from work and the dinner is ready! I think I was a little luckier than you coz my hubby would first do the cooking when he reached home and if I was still not home then he would start the washing also. So I did not have to bother about a lot of work being left for me at home.
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
28 May 08
For me dutiful wife is someone who does all her best to make good out of her family. Someone who's faithful and always thinks for the welfare of her family. She may not do all the housechore but knows what her family needs. Someone who checks her children and her husband.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
A very nice way of describing a dutiful wife.
• United States
28 May 08
A dutiful wife is not a slave or martyr like you just described. If you read Proverbs 31:10-31, you will read about a virteous woman. Is she a dutiful wife? You can answer that after you read the Scripture. But, any man is blessed to have a virteous wife.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
Will have to read the scriptures again and only then will be able to give a better reply!
@MGjhaud (11301)
• Philippines
28 May 08
The thought of understanding how can you be a good wife is already hard for me to think of right now. Maybe because I still have no desire to be one. Anyway, I guess a dutiful wife is the one who loves her husband unconditionally. Serve him for the rest of their lives. Respect him for whatever he does and think. Guide and be with him if he needed her. Stand by his side no matter what happens in order to avoid failed marriage. I don't think it's to be taken literally as what you've mention in your first few sentences. It's not about following orders only to impose the word dutiful. Why did you get married if you only needs someone to follow your orders right? You should have hire a helper/maid.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
There are men who treat their wives like maids. I think they should be shot down. I like to see couples who share responsibilities in every way. Marriage is not about giving or taking orders but about sharing work in whatever way convenient for both the people concerned.
• India
27 May 08
A dutiful wife doen't mean that she always obey her husband and always be in a secondary position in the family. Husband and wife should have equality in family life. They are the two sides of the coin and both these sides are equally important. A good wife should listens to her husband in the same manner a good husband listens to his wife. Both husband and wife can share household duties. If the wife is also going out for work or some other necessary thing, the husband can make dinner if he is free at home. There should be sharing - give and take - in all matters with out debate or arguement. Both of them should understand the likes and dislikes of the other.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
Yes you are right. But it is difficult for men who are brought up in remote villages to think like that. They have been brought up with the thought that wives have to listen to everything they say and she should shoulder all the responsibilities at home. Probably his mother was doing that. But he does not think that his mother was only a housewife and not working whereas the wife has a job also to look after.
@ersmommy1 (12608)
• United States
27 May 08
That isn't a wife. That is an automoton. A wifes duty is to be faithful. Anyone in a relationship (especially marriage) should not have to worry about being cheated on. Other than that a wifes duty is to Take care of herself, so she can be a happy well rounded person who adds to the marriage. If a husband wants the latter, let him find a kit and build it himself. Wife doesn't equal giving up of ones self.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
Oh yeah! I agree with what you say. Both the husband and wife should never cheat on one another.
• United States
27 May 08
I believe a lot of the things you mentioned do make for an amazing wife. In my mind, the perfect relationship is one that is completely selfless. If I am only thinking of someone else it is because I truly love them and want to make them the happiest I can be. But on the other hand you do have to make yourself happy in order to make other people around you happy as well. But I would hope that I am capable of doing everything my husband will ever need from me. A lot of people take this to mean that I will be his slave but if you have the right man who is as selfless as you are then you should never be asked to do crazy things.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
I think when you love someone and do things for that person it is not slavery. But if the lord and master just sits and orders you around it is wrong. Marriage is about sharing everything and that includes responsibilites at home. If the wife does not have a job then it is okay for her to do all the work in the house but if she is working I think the reponsibilities have to be shared.
@ruby222 (4849)
27 May 08
Thats a very difficult question ...being dutiful to your partner can only really be taken so far!!..I think you do things for your partner because you love them,and thats a very good reason for doing them,but to think that you have to continually do things out of duty makes you more of a doormat than a wife...I know that maybe sounds a bit harsh,but we are all equals now...and there are some ,if not many things that i would do for my partner willingly,then he in return must be willing to do things to please me too.To ask a hubby to make his own meal now and again is no crime,we cant possibly be there all of the time,that woudnt be realistic.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
When both partners make time for each other and do things for each other equally then no one is a doormat. That is sharing and loving. And if sometimes the hubby cooks for the wife she feels very very happy!
@chrysz (1604)
• Philippines
27 May 08
A wife is a partner in almost everything and not a servant who follows a masters' order or wishes. A wife is also an individual who has her own needs, wants, beliefs and right that should be respected. For me a dutiful wife knows not only how to love her husband but also herself since herself is the only thing she has that he can offer freely to her husband. She must bear in mind that she is not just a wife but also a woman that needs not only to serve and love her husband but a partner that criticizes, has her own stand and beliefs and someone who never give up easily in times of crisis but serves as a pillar of the man she chose to be with forever.
@mayka123 (9501)
• India
28 May 08
Yes that is a very nice way of describing a wife. Hope all men understand this. Marriage is about giving and taking. Marriage is sharing.