Parents and Online Dating

United States
May 28, 2008 8:38pm CST
Okay...so I've been talking to this guy online for a few months now. I didn't meet him over the internet, he actually plays the same game I do. And we just started talking... anyways... He lives in New York, and he wants to meet. I want to take it just one step at a time though. I want to start sending eachother stuff in the mail first, just one step above the internet. But I am sooooo worried about telling my parents about him. I don't know how happy they would be with me talking with a guy on the computer. I made the mistake of trying to talk to my older sister about him, I thought she would be the person I could go to. She was less than happy that I was talking to someone over the internet. And now I'm even more worried that my parents will be just as upset. But I really do like him, and if he's even half as good as he seems right now I'd be lucky.
2 people like this
9 responses
• Philippines
29 May 08
everyone sure does have their own opinion specially family members..i was talking to a guy over the net before and we hang out with each other and dated..i guess you should try to tell them about him..there's no harm in trying, its better to know their reactions on it now than later than your feelings had grown already..your sister might just be worried for you..we all know what lies beneath the internet world..full of lies and pretensions..but if you really like this guy..know more about him and tell your parents what you learned from him..Good luck..
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 08
Yeah, I know I should tell them asap--but I'm just worried that they'll be unhappy about it. I don't know what I'll do if they are...I don't know what they'll do! And if they tell me I can't send him stuff in the mail...than I can't. Becuase of that whole, annoying cliche "as long as you live under my roof, you live by my rules." lol.
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 May 08
Lily. Do you and your guy have an outside interest besides romance? Walker and I met in a writing forum, so when I wanted to tell my parents about him, I started out by telling the truth, that he was helping me self publish a book. I gradually told tem how close we were as friends, but didn't tell anyone we were dating until after we were ENGAGED!!! (serously....)
• United States
30 May 08
Well...my parents kind of already know about him--but like you said, they don't know exactly what really is going on between us. But they know I talk to a guy named Mike from the game me and my siste play. And I tell them some of the funny stories about him that he's told me. Like when he was drunk and made his friend pull over so he could chase a turkey that was on the side of the road. (It ended up chasing him onto the hood of the car =P) lol.
@qxh_baby (27)
• China
29 May 08
If you feel you really love him so much,you shoule be brave to face your love.But if I were you,I would have date with him first,in fact,I have the same experience as you have,but the problem is that after meeting,we find both of us were not the right person for each other,so bad.so I would recommend you meet first,and good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 08
Yeat, the person above you said the same thing. Seems like a popular option lol. And I would actually like to do that. But since he's in New York and I'm in Arizona--I'm not sure exactly how I can meet him without them finding out. I can't exactly just tell them I want to go to New York alone without having to explain myself.
@subha12 (18462)
• India
29 May 08
I can understand your situation. actually mainly many are not that much comfortable with the onlin relationship. now do one thing. just before telling your parents, just you met the guy once to see whether you are comfortable with him or not. if so, then tell your parents.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 May 08
Well it does make sense to meet him at least once before telling my parents about him, and actually I would prefer that, but I'm not sure how I could do that. It'll be difficult because he's in New York and I'm in Arizona. I can't exactly sneak away to New York without them asking questions! =P hehe.
• United States
29 May 08
Well I think you should just do what you want and if you dont want to meet him yet then wait till your ready then tell your parents about him.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 08
well I kind of want to make sure they know if I'm sending him stuff too. Because i don't them to first find out about something when he sends me something back! lol. They might be a little mad that I gave him our address without telling them first =P
@isegor (118)
• Portugal
29 May 08
a couple years ago people would flirt using mail (now considered snail main) because it was the best thing they had to break the distance. later people started using the phone to do that and the phone bills ended some possible happy relationships ;) nowadays we have internet, email, computer games, chat, video conferencing all for the price of 1 computer + 1 internet connection. people are dumb not to take advantage of what they have. it's not the fact that you met someone in a bar that will make him/her a better person that another one that you met on a chat room, or a game you play. it's your life and your decision. if you feel uncomfortable telling your close relatives on how you met him don't do it till they ask. just tell them what you like about him.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24976)
• Australia
4 Jun 08
Lily, there's an old saying that has come into it's own with all the wonderful things to be found on the World Wide Web. That saying is..."if it seems too good to be true , it probably is" and I'm very much afraid this might be the case with your young man. Don't be afraid to tell people. If they react badly just point out that if they continue to react badly you will stop confiding in them. Tell them you are being cautious and careful and telling them what's happening in your life is part of that. Continue to take things slowly with this chap. And if you do decide to meet him take a friend or 2 ...under no circumstances meet him alone.Meet him in a public place in the middle of the day
• United States
6 Jun 08
I believe that quote in some areas of life...but I would like to think that it does not ring true in my current situation. And he isn't perfect...I'm not going into detail (I promise he hasn't killed anyone), but he isn't perfect. And he admits that. I've actually thought about the "I just won't talk to you about anything anymore" threat...but I'm not sure that would work lol.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24976)
• Australia
14 Jun 08
LOL, you know what I mean. If you confide in those you are close to and they criticize and give you grief, you eventually stop telling them stuff. You need your family to be on your side...meantime how are things going with your friend online?
• United States
14 Jun 08
I really really want my parents on my side about this, it'll really suck if they aren't. Maybe that's why I'm so worried about telling them, because I'm worried they won't be okay with it. Maybe not just worrying about them telling me I can't meet/send him mail...but just worried they won't support it. It's going good :) He's just as sweet as always, and lets me totally vent to him about the pains at work lol.
1 person likes this
@Jemina (5784)
29 May 08
Hi Lily..I was in the same situation with you. I actually am marrying the man of my dreams whom I met online. It was not easy disclosing to my family that I was into online dating. Of course there were doubts and apprehensions but when we met those were erased. And I only told my family after I have met him personally. My family haven't met him in person but they have talked on the phone and in the chat. Now I'm with him and thanks God, he's such a nice guy. I hope you will be able to find the right time to tell your parents about this guy.
• United States
30 May 08
You're lucky! I hope I'm that lucky too lol. I would like to meet him first, but he's in New York and I'm in Arizona. I'm not sure exactly how we could meet without my parents finding out about it first. but congratulations on your online success! =D Wish me luck with mine! =P lol
1 person likes this
@Jemina (5784)
30 May 08
As it turns out I'm not the only one here who's got lucky with online dating. Let's accept the fact that it's the newest form of socializing and meeting new people. I wish you all the best.
• United States
30 May 08
Yeah! A couple of you have gotten lucky. Love those stories! lol. Makes me quite hopeful! I defeniatly accept that a lot of people are meeting from online now, I just wish the rets of my famiyl would! lol
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 May 08
I had the same worries with the man I met on line, the man who eventually became my husband. I eventually figured out that it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission. I did what was right for me, and I didn't tell anone!!! We met when we were both working on self publishing books we'd written. After a while, we started talking outside of the writing forum, and then decided to meet. That involved me flying to Arizona, since his daughter had just been in a serious accident, and she needed him there. I dind't tell anyone a thing!!! I knew better. First I flew to Phoenix then I called home. Mom didn't beliee I did it until I put Walker on the phone. A few months later we got engaged, after I'd been home, and flew back a second time. I told my mother, who was surprised but accepted it. I was waiting to tell my Dad. I told my sister first, and SHE told my Dad!!! AARRGGHH!!! I know what you mean about mistakingly telling your older sister. Older sisters can be like that sometimes. We finally talked to Dad, but sadly the grape vine dealt with him first. Walker and I decided to elope. Mom was going to be on vacation, so I couldn't call her on my wedding day, so I told her the day before she let, and did not tell anyone else. She promised not to tell anyone either. I decided to call Dad and tell him we were married BEFORE calling my sister, then I called my sister. She thought we were out of our minds bcause of the age difference (about 35 years), and the fact that we met on line. Oh well. her problem!! In time, my Dad and step-mom flew to AZ, and met us. People in my family are divided. Some think we did a good thing, others think we're nuts. His amily is divided the same way too. Ultimately it's YOUR DECISION just as it was our decision, and your parents really have no say in the mater. I checked your profile, and you're over 18. Of course you're 3 years youngr than I was when I met Walker and 6 years younger than I was when we got married, but YOU ARE OVER 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's all that maters. As long as you've thought this though, it doen't matter what people think. I am not TELLING YOU to "sneak around," I'm simply telling you WHAT WE DID, and about our experiences. Yes, Walker and I exchanged things in he mail before we met. This was easy to do since I lived on my own at the time, so no one was asking me why I was getting mail from Arizona. Do you still live at home with your parents? If so, will they pry about mail? Can you get mail from him at a friend's place, or someting? Not becaue you don't trust him, just because you don't want any outide intererence. I hope I've been able to help you, somewhat. BEST OF LUCK from someone who has BEEN THERE!! I will send this to my husband, and hope that he posts a reply.
• United States
29 May 08
First of all, I have to put this out in the universe...love the name Walker. lol. Okay moving on... Thank you for the response! It defeniatly is one that gives me hope about this. but I'm not as lucky as you. I can't just fly out to New York and meet him. because I do live with my parents and...well I know it wouldn't work for me lol. And yes, my parents would ask me why i'm getting mail from a "Mike in New York" lol. And I can't have him send mail to my friends house, because her parents wouldn't be too thrilled about it either lol. She actually met someone online once too (but he actually lived here too lol) and she didn't tell her parents. She brought me and a family friend though. He turned out to be a jerk-but she hadn't been talking to him as long as me and Mike have been talking. It's defeniatly different. Hey, I live in Arizona! lol. I hope his daughter was okay after the accident.
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 May 08
Look for the response from "vladilyich" Tat's my husband Walker, and yes, I love that name too!!! ;-) I wouldn't be in your position for all the money in the world. First off, I didn't find Walker on line till I was twenty-two, and living on my own or three years already. If this is REALLY IMPORTANT to you, have you ever thought of getting yourself a P O box, and having him send you mail there? Were I still living at home (even in my twenties) and wanted to correspond with Walker by mail, that's wat I'd end up doing. LOL I don't know how you are financially, this is just a thought. It took Walker and I a lot of saving for me to fly back and forth, and we have set up a flying fund, so that there will always be money for plane tickets. Beliee me, we dind't get where we are now, overnight. It took a few years of torture to set it up. His daughter is OK now. She's paralysed from the waist down, but she's getting better. She's being well taken care of by relatives in a place that's more convenient for her wheelchair than our house would have been, or she would have gladly stayed with us I'm sure, and we would have been glad to keep her. We were sad to see her move on, BUT that move showed that she was able to "land on her feet again," even if it meant "sitting on her butt" in a wheelchair. She's one TOUGH LADY and we love her to bits!!!!
• United States
30 May 08
Oh no! That's terrible his daughter was paralyzed! :( I can't imagine going through that. But it's good that she is strong, and trying to make the best of it. Well, like your husband said, luckily, plane tickets between Az and Ny aren't that expensive. I'm not sure how much they costed between you two. I never thought about getting a PO Box, but my parents would find out about that too lol. You can't keep anything a secret from them-at least I can't =P I'm probably just going to have to suck it up and talk them about it...sometime...lol. But yeah this situation really does suck, like you said.
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
30 May 08
That's the hard part about meeting someone online, are they really who they say they are. Sometimes you have to take that leap, and hope for the best. I met my s/o online 3 years ago, and I have to admit, at first he sounded too good to be true, but turned out he was everything and more. Three weeks after we met online he flew from PA to Texas for us to meet the first time, spent a week together, and a month after he flew back home I was making plans to move 1600 miles. I never really told my parents how we met, they figured it was at a convention or something, since we're in public service careers. He did meet them while he was there along with my two daughters, and made a really good impression on all. My parents were very supportive when I told them I was moving. We did agree to meet as just friends to start, that way there was no pressure or great expectations, but we knew we'd be together from the moment I met him at the airport. We were both in our early 40's when we met online, a little bit of difference there from your ages lol. Good luck, I do think that since he is willing, that you should meet in AZ.