Need help with very complicated Situation...a guys in put would be helpful!
By Clara Cook
Rothesay, New Brunswick
May 29, 2008 1:00am CST
2 weeks ago, I posted a message about a very complicated long distance relationship I had with a guy I had met on line. The day after I posted the message, he had said to me, "you know I was unsure, about this distance thing from the start. I don't think we can continue it because I don't wanna get too close to you, and the longer im with u the harder that is." ----K my friends tell me when they heard this, that they think he is getting to close and doesn't want to, because he feels its impossible and we will both wind up hurt in the end. (fair enough) So after that, things were kinda awkward for a few days. I wasn't sure what to say to him, and I thought he was avoiding me altogether. Finally I got the nerve to ask him about it, and he said no, he wasn't saying nething because I wasn't. I also got up the nerve to ask him honestly, if it was just the distance as I was not sure. I asked him if he would still be interested if their was no distance between us. he replied. "Yes sorry I would" Now this confused me because I wasn't quite sure if this was a yes or a no. My friends again claim they believe it to be a yes, but again I wasn't too sure. Now lately we have been spending alot of time together online, and he once again has been teasing me about things. He never comes right out and says anything at all about how he feels or nothing. but he says stuff like..."I can't find my phone, i'd get you to call me....but well you know." and one day he was eatting something and he was like "well this is way too much for me, I can't finish...what am i to do with it...no one here to take it off my hands guess I'll throw it away." So finally I decided, to tell him I couldn't just easily turn my feelings off for him, and I asked him if that bothered him, he said no and the teasing me, and making me laugh, hes doing all the more. As sweet as this guy is he is like neman and a closed bottle, when it comes to things so I am wondering if maybe he is trying to tell me something in his own way with out coming right out and saying he can't turn his feelings off either. Or something. I know we will most likely always just be friends unless we are given a miracle and one or the other just happens to go to the other. I just can't see that happening...he lives over seas, has a good job and told me there is no way he can come here...and told me if only I had met him a while before he would have. I can't see neway for me going to him either because I have a child so there for i have ties to where I live. but some piece of me just wont give up hope that someday things will be different. So I guess what I am asking...is are my friends right, does this man have feelings for me, and will not out right admit it, because he doesn't see it ever happening...and doesn't wanna get close. Or does he really just wanna be friends and is too nice to say so?
29 May 08
I am not a guy. still as I stopped over your discussion, read it, i thought of writing also. but it may not help you at the end. Actually i think he is not too sure himself about this long disctabnce relationship. also may be he is thinking it akward a she has not seen you. i think first try to meet up in person. thee are many problems with long discvtance reklationships. you acn't see the persons and so there are many misunderstanding.
• Rothesay, New Brunswick
29 May 08
He wasn't too sure about it in the beginning, and this I knew from the start, when he first met me, he told me if we couldn't be together in life, we couldn't online there was just no way. Though then he asked me something, and when I answered he was like "damn just my luck. Then said something about if there was a god, he really liked messing with him." A few days after that he changed his mind about things and decided to give it a try...but like I said, after bout a month and a half he changed his mind again and claimed he didn't wanna get close and the longer he was with me the harder that was....but i still to this day don't really have a clue what exactly he means by that...
20 Jan 09
Well based upon what I`ve read i think It would be hard to be in this kind of relationship. You really need to spend some time together to see if this is something you want to go forward with. So someone needs to bite the bullet and travel to the other to see if this relationship is going to go forward.
• Rothesay, New Brunswick
25 Apr 09
well, its been over a year now and you know what? Over that year, we have had some ups and downs together. Sometimes the most passionate fights imaginable online at times I felt I hated his guts, and one little word came out of his mouth and vice versa and everything would change. Yes it is frustrating at times, but sometimes I think that's also why we continue to hold on and fight. No matter what we been through, it seems when the other really needs something the others there. which i think made us both sort of think about that. I don't think you can decide who you fall in love with, where they live or how you do fall in love with them. Just as you can't stop loving each other, even in the worst of times and you don't actually have to be "together" to be in love with each other either. Many times now I wonder if, people who get married and divorced later. Actually were in love or just thought they were. All I know is after a year of this, I love him even more for what we been through and helped each other with. I may have thought I loved him back then, I know I do now hes my best friend in the world. That will never change, and perhaps in time we will meet each other and be together, but to tell you the truth---it wouldn't even matter, I know I love him, and I know he does me, even though he rarely says so, he doesn't have to he proves it to me, by staying by my side this whole time, even when it looked like it was over.
• Quezon City, Philippines
29 May 08
Well it's really up to you if you would like to believe that there's hope in that kind of a relationship. But I would say that to be quite hard. Just like what the guy is saying your' situation is the same as his. There's slight possibility that you two could ever meet in person and the love that you are reserving for one another may just go to waste over time. So in the meantime try to focus on your feelings how much you like this guy if distance could sustain you and him. But the way I look at his point of view he is really not making any effort to get in touch with you except online which is his most comfortable means. Are you okay with this arrangement and is he too?
• Rothesay, New Brunswick
29 May 08
That is exactly what I am trying to figure out, I never went online looking for anytype of relationship, and from what he has told me nither had he. We both went on to play a rpg, and strangely happened to bump into one another while there. That first night I didn't even know his name, yet I felt strangely close to him at the same time. For days we talked and we both couldn't believe how much alike we were. As time went on, he convinced me to use webcam just to say goodnight (innocently mind you), which until him I would never use not even with someone I personally knew. I have felt since day one theres something different about him from ne other guy I met, in life. For the past few months I have been trying to figure out, what exactly I am feeling for him. But I can't, it seems really complicated, and even now that we kinda gave up on the LDR, because it ws hard, and he said he didn't wanna get too close. I still feel it, it just seems to get stronger, the more time I speak to him. He has dropped hints of the phone but when I question him if he wants me to call, he claims it would be too much money, etc. I am fine with talking to him online, and all sometimes though I just wish he would at least tell me, if he is going through the same things as me, or has been able to close off his feelings quickily. I don't know if hes quite about it, because he doesn't want to start something else, or there really isn't nething there anymore...