I swear that the older kids get, the worse they get.
By gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
June 2, 2008 8:58am CST
In all his 16 years I have had troubles with my boy, but just lately I swear he is getting worse!! He is at present taking his GCSE exams at school, they are his final exams and so extremely important to his future.
He has had a couple, but this week and next week he has about 12 exams to do, this morning he had an engineering exam from 9 am - 10 am. Now for those of you that follow any of my discussions you will know that my boy has been having trouble at school with a group of lads, and in his first exam I had trouble getting him to go because of these boys. I sorted it out with school and they said my son could go in early and leave last and that they would be there to make sure there was no trouble. Problem solved or so I thought.
Oh no nothing is ever straight forward where my son is concerned, this morning he commented that he did not need to do this exam and did not want to do it. I told him he had to do it because all his exams were important, also I said that if he did not take the exam then I would have to pay for it and I was not willing to do so. So he set off to school, but left his pens behind. I phoned him and told him but he said that he had one with him. I took my boys to school, but I had a sensation that someone was in the garden, but could see no one all the way to school I just had this nagging feeling.
Then my mobile rung, and it was school, they told me that my son had not shown up for his exam. I was so cross and I said I would try and track him down. I then realized that my battery was going on my mobile phone, so I had to borrow someones phone! I did not expect him to answer it but he did and I asked him what he thought he was playing at. He said he did not want to go in for the exam, I asked him why and he said it was because of these boys that had been after him. I said but the school sorted this out they told you what they were going to do, and I told you that I would walk to school with you or get someone to take you so why do this to me? I did not have a clue where you were, anything could have happened to you. I told him to get his backside down to me right away so that I could walk him to school and hopefully get him into his exam.
I had my 2 year old daughter with me and I walk everywhere, so a friend I was with offered to take her to a cafe for a drink to save having drag her everywhere, she is not the fastest walker either with being so little! I was fuming and I gave him such an earful, I told him that his behaviour was very selfish when we had all gone out of the way to make sure he was protected to take his exams and he pulled a stunt like this. I asked him where he had gone, he had been hiding in the garden which is why I had the sensation that someone was there. I got him to school and I had words with the teachers again, and they told my son that no one will be able to get to him, they would make sure of it. Luckily even though he was half an hour late he was able to sit the exam.
I don't know, what do you do with them ah?
Is anyone else having trouble with troubled teens or children?
Willing to listen to any rants or problems that you may have?!
3 people like this
14 responses
@Elixiress (3878)
•
2 Jun 08
It sounds as though he is getting seriously bullied, but once his exams are over the bullying will be over too and he must focus on that idea. Once he has left school he can go to college that none of the other boys are going to, since all of those boys are probably not going to qualify for college or go to a really awful one since that is stereotypically what happens to bullies. Maybe you could give him a lift to school in the car and then nothing can happen to him on the walk to and from school.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Jun 08
Trust me, if I could drive I would, I don't drive. I also have 2 other children to get to school at exactly the same time as most of his exams start.
The thing is, he is not being seriously bullied, the lads have not said one word to him since the whole thing kicked off. His friend has told him rumours and the whole thing is just way out of hand.
If these lads had actually said something to my sons face, actually threatened or done anything to make me think for one minute that they were going to harm him in anyway then they would have had to deal with me, but they have done and said nothing, it has all been hearsay.
The school has taken as much action as they can without any proof of bullying and I have done all I can to reassure him, I shall just be glad when next week is over because then he will not have to go back to school again.
@Elixiress (3878)
•
2 Jun 08
Maybe you could ask a family friend to drive him or something?
Are you sure you have the whole story, because he seems truly terrified and sometimes teenagers don't tell their parents everything as they don't want to worry them.
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
2 Jun 08
Hi gemini.
You're doing fine seeing that this is the first time you are experienceing the terrible teens as i call them.
I always say you can handle them better when they're two, it's when they hit their teens that all h*ll seems to breakout.
I've been through the please run away from home, or i will faze, the times when i swear i could strangle them{ and i would have if i thought i could get away with it}.
After many episodes of literally pulling my hair out, and my grey hair count going up, thing's are eeriely quiet, i'm just holding my breath and praying that whatever battle is next i come out of it without going to jail lol.
But on a serious note they can be nerve racking at that age, all we can do as parents is pray they come out of it soon, and one day we can look back when their kid's are putting them through the same things and smile and say "how does it feel to get a taste of your own medicine?"
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Jun 08
I have already told him that when he has children of his own it will all come back to haunt him! Just like it has to me.
I hope I do not get the run away from home phrase, I did that to my parents and I really regret it now, they did forgive me, but it must have been awful for them.@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
3 Jun 08
Yes, when they say that i tell them "no you stay, i'll run away" that usually shuts them up.
Sometimes i swear i jump in my car with that intention, but my car takes me right back home
You really got to love them though.
You really got to love them though.
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
8 Jun 08
I am out of that stage now, thank god, my son got into plenty of scraps too, he was always picked on because he was not a fighter like the rest.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
2 Jun 08
wow!quite hard to handle gemini, I know this behavior of him is the effect of how rude those lads with him. After the exam, are they going to be schoolmate again? or your son will be going to a different school?
Maybe he is not feeling safe by going there and to avoid those kids, he thought that would be the best decision...I am not sure either, just my feeling about how I read the story and the past post! how about transferring him to the other school?
This time, you need to talk heart to heart and draw from him what are the reasons really and try to be very open to you!
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
3 Jun 08
OK..that's good so maybe this time, he just don't want to meet those guys! I hope he will feel better and assured by your help the the teachers help also!
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Jun 08
In UK, a child attends a high school until they are 15/16 they then take final exams called GCSEs which is what my boy is doing now. He should be going to college after this but it will depend on the results of his exams as to whether he gets in or not.
Once he has finished the exams he does not have to go back to that school, in fact they all officially left a couple of weeks back.
@tessah (6617)
• United States
2 Jun 08
ahh i do not envy you. i had countless battles and problems the likes of which you could not even fathom with my eldest child.. straight up until the day she turned 18, and was removed from my home. she is now 19, hs returned home twce.. and had to be removed yet again. ..;sigh;.. the only advice i can offer even in the slightest.. is that at this age, their decisions are theirs.. they will do as they feel like regardless, and unfortunately there isnt anything you can do but pretty much sit back on yer hands.. and hope they grow out of it and not totally destroy their entire futures.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Jun 08
Sorry you had so much trouble, I was a bit like that with my parents too. I have totally left his decisions to him to be made, and we do talk to each other we do have a very good relationship with each other.
I think that I thought it was sorted and we had spoken it all through and everyone was on his side and he had all this support and then he goes and hides in the garden thinking that no one would notice!
I said to him that the fact that he did that was what annoyed me the most, especially when I offered to walk with him and the teachers had offered their help too! Arggghhh kids they drive me nuts!
@Aaroncheong (16)
• Brunei Darussalam
3 Jun 08
well its true and common for children to become more how to say, "bad". an example can be seen in school. some students are so arrogant that they barely respect the teacher moreover insult the teachers. well all i can say is that the teenagers these days are more exposed to the world and so they learn these habits from them.
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
2 Jun 08
Bless your heart. My son is 24 now, so we're beyond that. He's a fine young man now, but at 16 we had our problems.
If it's any consolation, a youth director once told me that for boys the time between 15 1/2 and 17 (plus or minus a few months either way) are the worst. She said she compared that time for boys to the second terrible twos.
With my son, she was right. About a month shy of his 17th birthday, everything changed and he became that charming kid I once knew.
I do think that bullying is an issue in many schools now. It has to be hard on kids.
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Jun 08
It is definately been the worst time for him, I do think with the bullying it is now more of him letting a fear get too out of control. I cannot blame him for that as I was in his position more than once as a youngter!
@vanities (11395)
• Davao, Philippines
3 Jun 08
that was tough..nope havent experienced that to my children..but i really admire you...doing all that...and its good,,teens now a days really need some guidance and moral support ...
@firstcontact1990 (1784)
•
3 Jun 08
I kind of take offence to the older we get the worsew we get. I agree that we do get stages where we are hard to handle and exams are a struggle, but I was ok with them, Im nearly 18 btwe. Anyway I did have a period of about 2 to 3 years where me an my mother were constantly arguing and after that I sopped, but we argued a little anyway. But she was no angle, I give credit was defensve of her kids me and my brother but wasnt the best mother. I can see where he is findin it hard. I wouldnt say it was lazy but this bullying he isd facing I have had it for years, and although I am in my second year of 6th form and dont get it anymore the bulying I beleive is more the main cuase of his behavior than anything beleieve me! I have exprerienced it for atleaset 5 years constantly and it affected my behaviour even now, although now I get hyper, I would talk to him and see what he has to say, School doesnt always solve the problem trust me! it may work for a while but then starts again. I wouldnt say he is troubled but the Bullying can really affect the way he works or is ability to get on with his exams and can also affect his confidence. It will be tough for him with the exams and that but try and see it from his point of view that what Im sayingh, it may work.
@mummymo (23706)
•
3 Jun 08
Oh honey i was so hoping that things would go smoothly after that first exam! I know how frustrated and irritated you must feel right now and I feel for you I really do but I hope and pray that he will get to the rest of his exams with no more problems! I do remember what it is like being that age and no matter how big and tough you are it is still very scary to know that there are a group of people 'after' you. I am really pleased that you got the teachers to reassure you and him again and remember we are here if you need any support!
I have been having a few problems with my 14 year old but it is more along the lines of teenage attitudes and strops at home. I got my revenge this morning though, his new head phoned to make sure it was ok for him to travel to another city with a 6th year pupil to attend a big teaching awards ceremony that his eco club leader is in the final of! Niall is her 'right' hand man and she says she doesn't think the eco club would be very succesful without the amount of work he puts into it. Anyway neither the leader who is up for the award nor the headteacher can take the 2 boys so they need permission for them to travel there alone. I told her of course it was fine for him to go but that I was in a bad mood with him for the way he had been behaving at home and wished I could say no to teach him a lesson. She is now going to wind him up a little and tell him if his behaviour at home doesn't improve he will not be getting to go to so many events to represent the school like he does now! lol I bet he comes home in a real strop now! lol xxx
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
2 Jun 08
Your son must really be worried about those boys. Have they hurt him before or do they just give him a hard time?
My son is only 8 years old, so he has not been much trouble yet. He won't even try to fake sick to get out of school. Give him a few years and I am sure he will start giving me grief.
@Samanthavv (1380)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Wow. I have no clue to help you at all. I was a pretty troubled teen, and I know I sent my parents to hell and back. Hopefully your children aren't THAT bad, you know? Just try to be understandning, and listen. Being a teen is tough.
@kiran1978 (4134)
• Australia
2 Jun 08
Wow your intuition is pretty good, you knew someone was in the garden. It must be frustrating for you that your son did not go to the exam and that you had to drag him down there. He must be pretty worried though about these boys, I know that the school would have protected him, however it is hard explaining that to a teenager.
I know when I was 14 years old I was having some trouble with these group of girls. It all started over a guy, they were jealous that this guy went out with me and not them. He was noones boyfriend, they just did not like it how he chose me, it was really silly. But they all bullied me and threatened to beat me up and called me malicious names. I couldn't bear the thought of going to school and facing them again. So I left at lunch time, I just jumped the gate and walked home, took me about an hour, I didn't care, i was not going to put up with them again. I told mum when I got home and I refused to go bach there ever again. Luckily mum changed schools for me and it was the best move I could have ever done, I loved my new highschool. If I had stayed at that horrible school, those girls would not have stopped, my school work would have gone down the drain and my self esteen would be shattered. I still don't forget that day, even today, so I can't imagine what would have happened to my personailty and self image if I was to have stayed there.
Luckily though your son, only has his exams left at this school. It is an awful thing to go through being bullied by a group of nasty kids, particularly guys as they often have physical fights. I think you have made the right decisions though, you have stuck by your son and you have protected him.
@neildc (17239)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
3 Jun 08
I have also an eighteen year old son which behaves like he knows everything. He is really a pain in my heart.
He used to argue with my wife which is her step-mother. I guess that problem happened when he was still 15 years old. Me too don't know what to do when they are in arguments. I just don't want to get in the situation because I am afraid I got pissed off.
The last thing I done with my son was to sent him back to my father's place. There he could meet her mom is he wishes to.
But that doesn't stop me from worrying either. My wife still complains about my son. If ever she thinks of him and send him text messages, he mostly never replies. But when he does, she doesn't feel she was treated as her mother...
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
2 Jun 08
No I haven't had these problems yet but I am sure my day is coming. I hope that it won't but I am realistic of the fact. I hope that you are able to find something that helps you! Best of luck to you!
