would you put your parents into a care home or look after them yourself?

June 4, 2008 3:38pm CST
years ago there was not the option to have people other than immediate familly care for elder realtives. Nowadays with the options of care home and the like there are more choices for people when there relatives become frail and unable to take care of themselves my question is if you parents became unable to care for themselvs would you take them into your home and care for them or would you prefer to have them be cared for by somebody else?
3 people like this
12 responses
@spalladino (17927)
• United States
4 Jun 08
I would never put a family member into a nursing home unless I honestly couldn't care for them because I've seen how much it upsets the person who is put there and I've seen how they are. We took my ex-husband's grandmother in many years ago because she was put in a nursing home and she was so upset after two weeks that we knew she would never adjust. She had dementia so we had to have care for her around the clock but we managed and she had a couple of additional, happy years that she would not have had otherwise. I also knew a lady from the neighborhood who I used to take to the doctors once a week for blood tests who became ill and was hospitalized. She was getting better and they wanted to send her home but instead her daughter, who she had been living with, put her in a nursing home because she was weak and couldn't get around very well. As soon as she was transferred to the nursing home she closed her eyes and never responded to anyone again. She suffered a fatal heart attack a few days later. Nursing homes are understaffed, with budget cuts causing them to have even more staffing problems. They are warehouses, not homes, and I would hope that my children or grandchildren will never make the decision to put me in one.
4 Jun 08
thanks for you response, I do agree with you that the familly environment is the best place for relations to be cared for and i would never under any circumstances put any of my familly into a home.
1 person likes this
@Barbietre (1442)
• United States
6 Jul 08
I admire your courage to do that, but I highly doubt I could. And luckilky in NY we have very noce ones and they are plentiful. My Mom is the only one I would have to deal with but she is very difficult now while in good health and she irrataes the crap out of my husband and vica versa, so they would both drive me crazy.
@mychattime (1013)
4 Jun 08
That is really hard, it depends if they had a medical problem, I worked in a care home for 6 years and it was a great home however there are so many horrible homes. I am lucky as I know the difference between a good one and a fake one, anyway if they were ok I'd look after them but if they were ill i.e. alzheimers then it would have to be a home especially in the later stages! My husband thats a different issue ha ha only joking!
1 person likes this
4 Jun 08
lol at the husband comment. you are right tho there are so many bad care homes here in the UK and i would always be wondering what would be happening to my relatives. thanks for your response
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@beth214 (68)
• China
5 Jun 08
now i am only a student,i have no ability to look after my parents better.But i still try my best to make them happy everyday.Parents take good care of me.So ,when i have a job,i must let them have a happy and good old life.
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@ruby222 (4848)
5 Jun 08
I hope more than anything else in the world that I wil be able t look after my Mum if she ever needs it..and im more than willing to give her what she needs..but there are some cases that it just isnt viable..my cousins have just come across this,their Mum..my Aunty has been going downhill for a while now...and she moved out of her house and moved in wiith her daufhter...but she now has dementia...so its too hard a job to care for her full time...she has gone into a nursing home to be looked after...and she spends time there and time at the daughters houses....and sadly she has now been diagnosed with lung cancer...so please God ..that she will pass way quickly....to be in pain on top of everything else is so awful to think of...
1 person likes this
@luvstochat (6916)
• United States
5 Jun 08
If at all possible I would take care of my mom myself if she got down to that decision. My dad passed away 3 years ago while in the hosptial so nursing home did not come into play. I worked in a nursing home for awhile so if I can at all help it I would take care of my mom myself even if I had to hire a nurse.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
5 Jun 08
I prefer to have them in my house so I can also help taking care of them. In that way, I can see them everyday and spend time together in our house.
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@Pescoe (101)
• Philippines
5 Jun 08
I would take care of my parents at my home...they have raised me when I was a kid and of course I would return the favor...because I love them and I value them so much..
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2871)
• Australia
4 Jun 08
There are 3 kids in my family so i guess any 1 of us could do it although to me, it doesn't seem fair (to my parents though). It's not that i don't love my parents but if there was something wrong there, i think an aged care facility would be the best option. You're probably wondering why but the old people homes allow a person to be independent & i know my parents are both very self reliant. Also, should they need anything, there are always professional staff at these homes so if they needed the help, it would already be there to help. They still allow the people in the homes to be independent & not 100% rely on anyone else. There's still a full social life in a home as there are so many people in little homes all close together. I don't think i could have my parents living with me though & i know they'd never ask - they'd want to stay in their own place until the day they passed - unless they were severley ill or something like that.
@Emma30587 (402)
22 Jun 08
I would look after my parents for aslong as I took. My mother looks after her eldery mother, with the help of her sister. If my grandma was put in to a home we all fear it would kill her because its not the type of enviroment she could live in and the stress would get too much. Luckly for my mum, my grandma is very healthy and independent for her age. The only way I would ever put my parents in a home is at there wish. I also have a sister to help me look after our parents when they do get older. I can understand why alot of people put there elderly parents in home if they have a long term illness like Alzeimas (Im not sure how to spell it!!). I know a few people who know people that work in retirement homes and they say that most of the elderly people sit in the rooms just waiting for people is visit and they never do and alot of the time, when it gets to visiting hours, they get all dressed up just in hope of someone visiting. They have just been dumped in a home and left for the staff to look after and I think thats one of the most hearkbreaking things ever. If I ever did have to put my parents in a home, I would be visiting a few times a week at LEAST.
22 Jun 08
Sorry, i mean to say I would look after my parent for aslong as I could! (not took!!!!) haha!
@poohgal (6848)
• Singapore
22 Jun 08
Recently my grandma fell down and had an operation. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks and was later transferred to a rehabilitation hospital for physiotherapy. She will be discharged soon and we'll all take turns to stay home to take care of her. The past few months have been tough as we visit her almost everyday. Now that she can move back home, it's better for us but we face a new challenge. As all of us are working, it's impossible to take care of her 24-7. We can take off-days but there's a limit to the number of days we can take. Anyway, for the time being, we are taking care of her. We may eventually hire a helper to help us. Leaving her in a care home is not an option as we could not bear to leave her there.
@plumwish07 (4060)
• Indonesia
18 Jun 08
i think it will be the last option to do but as long as i can i will try my best to care them with my own hand cause in my opinion, old people needs their own family than having very best care home to their selves
@robert19ph (4586)
• Philippines
5 Jun 08
No, I won't send my parents to a nursing home. I don't think nursing home can provide the much needed care and comfort for your parents. Most parents don't want to go to a nursing home or a hospital even though the can't take care of themselves. They prefer to die with dignity in their own home. They worked very hard for it and we as their children should give them their wishes. Even when I grow old, I will tell my children not to take me away from my home. I rather stay in that home than go away taken care by strangers. There is nothing like home and so I will provide that last comfort for my parents.