Is Race A Factor in Relationship?

Nigeria
June 7, 2008 1:22am CST
I hav always believed that all human beings are the same irrespective of differences in background, race, academics and so on. So I would always like to look at a person first as a human being before thinking of what colour she has or hasn't. But I am always amazed at how people react to this issue. I am black, African descent and I hav never gone out with a white woman because of this factor. And I lov a white woman with passion not necessarily because she is white but because I feel a sense of kind of pride that I am dining with an angel, but unfortunately, because of racial divide, I hav never been able to date a white woman. Yesterday, I was on my singlesnet and got talking to a white woman, the moment she knows I am black, she hung up. Should race really play a role in relationship? I mean look at Obama, his mother is white and father black yet today he is the most popular Black American in the world as he guns for the white house. what do u think? Please help me with ur wise analyses.
3 people like this
8 responses
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
7 Jun 08
No, of course RACE by itself has nothing to do with being the same or different. I think what people confuse about this is culture. Race may have nothing to do with culture, here in America there are many different races but any and all of those races can share one common culture and have basically no differences in anything. If you are going strictly by COLOR, COLOR has nothing to do with what kind of person somebody is or isn't. It has no bearing on their background, education, social skills, influence, intelligence, etc. Regardless of COLOR, every person is a human being. I think people should stop even mentioning color, if nobody could tell there were even different shades, people would not even have an issue! Culture can be a factor though - because that's where you might disagree about things that are a big deal. It may influence where and how you live, who you live with, your job, future education, how you handle or don't handle certain responsibilities, and who is ultimately responsible for various things.
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
7 Jun 08
Your answer is borne out of a deep seated consent of the mind in a laboratory of common sense. I really do like ur response also very similar to janujanet's response. But the brush off from the people I really do love to be with has been so enormous that I decided to cry out. Thanks for being my fairy godmother. bless u.
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
7 Jun 08
thanks for ur comment. It helps a geat deal.
• United States
7 Jun 08
1. There is no such thing as "race" in biology, there is in Organic Chemistry. We are different Species, but for some reason the word race won out, despite it being incorrect. (Ask your professor of biology at any university) 2. People are attracted to other people because of whom the other person is, and species or "race" has nothing to do with who that person is, unless you are a bigot. It was illegal in the United States toIntermarry without State permission. "Intermarriage" was defined as a union between a man and woman of different race, and was prohibited, back in the "Good" ol days,when we had discrimination, lynchings and all the other horrors of our so=called civilized society. This law is long gone, but the echoesstill remain: Marriage licenses! The are only required to "Intermarry" and not necessary at all. In fact the code section on Licenses, is followed by: "Nothing heretofore stated shall cause any marriage to be held invalid, merely for lack of a license thereto." If you think about it, mariage is an institution of God, not the government, and requires willing participants, 2 witnesses, and a member of the clergy, or captain of a ship. ANY TIME YOU WAIVE A RIGHT, AND ASK FOR PERMISSION (License) YOU ARE CONDESCENDING TO THE GOVERNMENT WHICH IS SUBORDINATE TO WE THE PEOPLE. ANything persuant to a license, is granted at the whim of the granting authority, and may be rescinded. Under a State issued License to Intermarry, your CHILDREN are State Property... this is how CPS and other agencies derive their authority to act. I do not see why you cannot date a white woman...in today's world mixed couples and mixed marriages does not even raise an eyebrow...all that matters is that you each care for each other. Hell if you go far enough back we all have a mix of various strains in us...most Black people I know have some white in them...I have about 1/32 Cherokee in me, and could have some Black, Asian, or who knows...frankly I don't care...it's all good. The planet is too small to keep up the stupid "us and them" mentality...we will either grow up, or all die together anyway! You know, with the exception of a few Nigerians I know, most Black people aren't BLACK, and other than Albinos White people ain't WHITE! We are all varying shades of beige to brown...and all the same colour underneath...so let's get over the prejudice crap and grow into the twenty-first century!
• Nigeria
7 Jun 08
Ridgrunner, I must confess I am quite overwhelmed by your erudite submissions on this issue. U dug deep into the legal AND social-cultural affiliations of the stuff. but the fact still remains that I hav constantly received the cold-shoulders from the whites is the problem with me? PLEASE LETS SPEAK FURTHER ON THIS
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
I don't think people really care once they fall inlove. If they fall, they fall and it doesn't matter what a person's race in that case. But of course, before a person let him/her-self put in a relationship, they have preference for that, so relationship comes next to that. I, myself, I have my preference and I know what I want in a relationship, but there are times you can't be sure who are the person's you spend your life with. =)
• Nigeria
7 Jun 08
Thank u very much smooch091784. I appreciate. But how do you fall in love with someone when preferences (which i c as racism in disguise) is constantly a factor. that is my point. u may want lov in a relationship but if u don't give the guy a chance, colour prejudice may overwhelm the idea or thought of giving him a chance. u look white to me. can u honestly give a black guy a chance?
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
Everyone has their chances. Not all the time relationship means having a gf/bf. Relationship may be friends where everything starts. I can hangout with someone that I feel comfortable and secure with. It doesn't matter what his race. And btw, I ain't white. I'm an Asian. =)
• Nigeria
9 Jun 08
Thanks smooch091784. u were very honest in all your repsonses. u're an angel. can we be friends. I think what I need now is the Asian Tiger spirit.
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
7 Jun 08
In this realistic world, I would say some people are vain they choose their friends and partners by the looks. Not only race, but looks, figures, sizes, financial ability, jobs..etc. To me, nope, I don't think race or any of the appearance matters. But differences in religions, background and academics does matter, not that I personally had gone through that, but people around me are breaking up or relationships turned sour because of those matters. Problems may not surface when 2 are "madly in love", but it will somehow or rather create friction as time goes by. Anyway, no matter what, I felt that if anyone who doesn't accept us for who we are, is not worthy of our time and effort, their loss. =) I hope you'll be able to find your one and only angel who loves you as who you are!
• Nigeria
7 Jun 08
Thanks gwenns. so helpful. but what would u say, would u go out with a blackman when he loves u dearly and constantly dots on u?
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
7 Jun 08
Seriously I wouldn't mind the skin color, it's more than that in building whatever relationships. I Hated it when people discriminated me without even knowing me, I certainly wouldn't do that to others! =D
• Nigeria
10 Jun 08
Thanks gwen. can we chat via yahoo messenger? mine is yakpasubi@yahoo.com
@MsEddie86 (236)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I dont think raceis a factor in a relationship i am a mixed race person and i am darker skinned because i am more indian and i like the sun but i have dated white men before and they approached me everytime. Its not much different than dating ablack man. i actually think white men care for my feelings more than the black men i have dated in the past. i am single now but i am gettin approached by white men more often now. I dont think race should be a problem because we all have feelings and we all love and respect people in the same way.
• Nigeria
16 Jun 08
thanks mseddie for reassurances of real love..even though swtjenlove will disagree seriously with you.
@SwtJenlove (1090)
• United States
16 Jun 08
I wouldnt date outside of my race but i wouldnt look down on someone who did. My aunt dates an african american man, My sister has dated one and i have had some friends who have dated them or married them. I believe in the saying "If thats what makes you happy then so be it" I also believe in its a free country you can do and say as you please so do what you want and need to and be with who makes you happy :)
• Nigeria
16 Jun 08
That is exactly what I am afraid of: Hear you "I wouldn't date outside of my race...." that is it. Why wouldn't you? Is God of the whites not the same God of the blacks or any other race? Why would you feel that race matters in a relationship? This is exactly what am concerned about.
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
Actually, it's not just the Black people having the same problem. As an Asian, we, too, are often racially discriminated. But don't worry, ebookyoung, you will find that one angel you're looking. I guess it's best not to think too much about having a relationship and just go with life's flow. Who knows you could be friends with a white woman and might find yourselves falling in love with each other. Sometimes, too, people already have a concrete description of who they're looking for. Maybe the one you met at singlesnet was looking for a particular person so she hung up on you. While that's not always the case, I could say that all you gotta do is to brush off these things and live your life with pride -- pride with yourself, your capabilities, and yes, pride in your color and race!
• Nigeria
7 Jun 08
Thank u very much janujennifer. With people like u out there, God is not far from me anymore. Ordinarily, I wouldn't hav complained aloud if this has happened once. Even at a particular staircase in a highbrow (5 star hotel) I was so enthused with a particular white woman whom I know to be single that I greeted her aloud. Before she could answer me, she looked again and kept going, I almost prayed for the grounds to open and swallow me up, anyway, thanks for ur candid advise. Remain blessed
@challs12 (549)
• Malaysia
7 Jun 08
Race is not a problem at all to me in relationship. In my country, we have 3 major races here and we have no problem if we even have serious relationship between races.