Would you still love your friend, if she broke up your marriage?

United States
June 8, 2008 1:33pm CST
Personally, I don't think that I could stay friends with someone who stole my man and then married him. That would just be the worst. How would that make you feel? It would be the ultimate betrayal having to see them together all the time. And, I would blame him too, for not being smarter. If your best friend stole your man and then married him, or took him away from you, would you freak out? What would you do? Would you still be her friend, even though she broke your heart and caused you so much pain?
18 people like this
71 responses
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
9 Jun 08
According to people I know who have been in similar situations, a person can never truly know how they will react if it ever happens to them. But I am guessing that my friendship with that person would be over. For me, friendships and all relationships have to have trust. While I would work hard on forgiving them because the anger is not something I would want to carry around with me for long, I doubt I would be able to be friends with either of them after such heart ache. It is good to think about such things now and then. Thanks for the discussion.
1 person likes this
• Canada
8 Jun 08
If she broke up the marriage and stayed with the guy then No I would not stay friends with her. BUT if she made a mistake and slept with him but then stopped all communication with him so that she could stay friends with you then yes I would because it proves that she values your friendship more than having your man.
• United States
8 Jun 08
The thing is if she already slept with him, she already lost the trust with her friend and who knows how many other men she has done this too. but don't you think she would just do that to keep her as friend. and than go back to doing the same thing? If she was truely a good friend, she would have not cross that line. There are plenty of men out there, why him. and for him, if has going to cheat at least be a man and let your wife know that you want out of your marriage.
• United States
13 Jun 08
I don't know that I could forgive him or her. That's just me, though. This is all hypothetical.
• Canada
13 Jun 08
Well I go by the motto " Men come and go but friends are forever" I have had this happen except I was not married to the man. I am still friends with the woman and she has NEVER done it again.
@mummymo (23707)
8 Jun 08
Well honey whilst I truly believe you can't help who you fall in love with I do believe you can control your actions and any friend much less a best friends integrity would be demolished if they did something like that! I don't think I would ever be a friend with someone like that again - I mean after all like being in love friendships rely on trust do they not? Once that is gone how can you still be friends! xxx
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Most things Mo says are well said!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
9 Jun 08
Thanks sis - I try my best! xxx
@snowy22315 (51224)
• United States
8 Jun 08
I wouldn't. someone who would do that is not really a friend anyway. I don't think you'd be losing much.
• United States
8 Jun 08
snowy, your right,he's not worst a tear.
9 Jun 08
Yeh ,of course she is not ... As a friend ,the one should not have any thoughts like that ,and should not act like that ...
• Philippines
10 Jun 08
then, that is not a friend.You should dump them both
• China
10 Jun 08
WOW.dump them both. it's a nice advice.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
8 Jun 08
That is really messed up. The girl that took my ex husband use to be friends with my little sister. Of course they weren't the best of friends but the thought of her coming over to the sam house I lived in growing up really aggervted me at the same time he wanted to be with her also. It takes 2 to do something like this.
• United States
13 Jun 08
I'm in agreement with you. He's as guilty as she is. We can't forgive him and then not forgive her. We can't accuse her and forgive him. It's as if he couldn't control himself, so that makes what he did ok. That's not right. Both are guilty. Both are adults. Both should be accountable. I can see that. It would aggravate me too. I would have a real fit.
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
13 Aug 08
No I could not stay friends with someone who stole my husband as if they can do that to me, then they weren't really my friend in the first place. The trust of the friendship would be gone and that kind of trust would not be able to be earned back so I couldn't be friends with her. I did have that happen to me many years ago. My first husband fooled around with my girlfriend, obviously not a good girlfriend, and they are still together today after 25 years. I have children from my marriage but they don't have any together so I guess I still got the best part of him, my kids. She was one of my friends, not a best friend, and when I was 8 months pregnant the two of them got together and fooled around but I never found out till about 5 years later. When I found out I confronted them both, together, and they didn't deny it, and so I gave him a kick to the curb and they started seeing each other again. I got a divorce and she got my man, but at that point I said, you can have him and she does have him and as far as I am concerned she can keep him because he has cheated on her several times over the years and will probably continue to do so, as once a cheat, always a cheat, in my books.
@secretbear (19464)
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
i don't i can be friends too with someone who have stolen my husband and broken my marriage! i might forgive her for doing so but everyday i would remember what she has done and i'm sure i won't be a good friend to her. forgiving and forgetting are two different things right? i think i wouldn't be able to forget what she did. so it would be best not to be friends with her at all. like i could! i couldn't be friends with someone like her that have done a grave thing to me. not in my life. i sure would freak out if a friend of mine steals my husband. the very day that i will find out about it, that would be the day that our friendship would end. and i would probably be angry like hell and i wouldn't be able to forgive her for a long time and after i do, i still wouldn't be able to forget what she did. i wouldn't be friends with her again. just seeing her would remind me of the betrayal. that behind my back, they were seeing each other. i can't tolerate that.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I am sorry to tell that i would not consider her as a friend.If she is, she will never hurt me.But i will move on with my life and trying to be a much better person.I never need them and i beleive i deserve a better guy.I will try to forget them though its hard and would try to think they they never exist in my life.
@julyteen (13259)
• Davao, Philippines
29 Jun 08
i don't think i could still offer her friendship. she's not a friend at all if she did that to me. and i will really feel betrayed for the rest of my life for that. i won't think such kind of person is worthy to be keep as a friend. but at the end, i think i would thank him for saving me from the wrong man.
• Australia
16 Jun 08
I don't think I would be very inclined to remain friends with someone who doesn't understand that she can't have what I have just because I have it. Nope, I might be able to forgive my (ex)husband, because men are not programed like women, but there is no way I'd forgive her. I'd still be civil to her, but would certainly not be spending a day at the beauty salon talking about his bad habits.
• United States
16 Jun 08
Well, i see it this way. If your husband is willing to divorce you to be with another woman. there is not the love that you want in a marriage. And If your friend is willing to get in the middle there.and steal your man.wether she marrys him or not. Is not your friend. so if shes not my friend why would i be friends with her?? And wether or not i freak out would depend on wether i have children with thia man.. If i did. i would flipp the fu~k because of the kids. what divorces do to kids these days its sad. I would never let my kids see me flipping out. nor would i put them through a rough divorce. i would just take what i need for my kids and give the guy the rest. that way there is the divorce. but theres no added pressure of their mother and father fighting all the time. and then after that i would be on my marry way with my kids... No man ever never ever never would mean more then my children so i think i could easily walk away in a situation like(as long as i had my kids)
@MsTickle (24983)
• Australia
16 Jun 08
This has happened to me. It wasn't a best friend but a co-worker and friend I had helped out on more than one occasion. She got into strife and was sacked. She decided it was my fault and to pay me back she seduced my partner who then turned against me. I moved on and didn't look back but the events have come back to haunt me a few times.
@scapula (760)
• Jordan
14 Jun 08
How could you say that someone with these feature could be your friend, if anyone do it with me I won't say that he/she is my friends, he won't be anymore, of course I won't forgive anyone who tried to hurt me in any way.
@celticeagle (119241)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Jun 08
I guess first I would need to know your discription of 'friend'. I am relatively sure that this 'friend' showed herself for what she was long ago and you either didn't see it or didn't care. No, I would no longer be her friend and I hope I would of seen the real person not too long into a relationship with her.
• Indonesia
12 Jun 08
I think by the time I found out that my friend stole my husband, our friendship would end right away at the very second I realized the fact. No, no longer ‘friendship forever’. After all, the person had shown her real character, so she might get my ‘forgiving’, but she would be no longer in my friend list from that moment on. About still loving my friend, I don’t think I will, after all, I would have stopped loving the man, so why would I love the one who stole him away from me? I would forgive them, but I don’t want to be any part of their lives. If they didn’t go away out of my sight, I would be the one doing that, I'll walk away.
@suzhouzb (17)
• China
10 Jun 08
oh~That friend is not really your friend. You don't need to treat as her the friends.
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
10 Jun 08
no. My mom had a friend that was always around and sleep with my dad and even as a young child I knew this was the reason my mom and dad split up. She then tried to talk to me when I was older and I don't know what she expected me to say she was at my place of work at the time and I could of just said yes I remember you your the one who slept with my dad and split my mom and dad up but I just ignored her. Why do people tend to come up to you later in life and expect for you to be friendly with them when they did something wrong. Yes I may have forgiven you but its not like I want to be your friend if your that kind of person who splits up a marriage just to get your freak on.
• China
10 Jun 08
Of course not.I will cut off friendship with her.Losing such a friend is not a loss.A real friend shouldn't do that detestable thing.
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
10 Jun 08
I am not a saint. I have emotions. Much as I wanted to remain friends and continue loving the 3rd party, I too cannot do it. Such betrayal hurts greatly and it can impair a person's life unless I have become totally devoid of emotions. When that happens, what is love?