If you were me...

Philippines
June 28, 2008 9:59am CST
I'm in a very lenient relationship with my bf for almost 2 years. I love him, he loves me. And yet he doesn't know what i'm doing everyday, and i don't know what he's been doing everyday. We just talk once every night and that's it. Don't get me wrong, i love being in a lenient relationship with not much restrictions, but the thought comes to my mind "do i really have a boyfriend?" cause i don't feel i do when he doesn't know where i am or i don't know where he is. Do you get my point? --What do you think?--(^^,)
4 people like this
20 responses
@rane0328 (129)
• United States
28 Jun 08
wow interesting relationship.. i think i would want a relationship where there were some restrictions... b/c its not much of a relationship if you to have seperate lives where u just do what u want
@fjgamer (543)
• United States
28 Jun 08
In a family, children are governed, but, once you grow up, those restrictions are lifted, and you may do whatever you like, but you have responsibilities. Restrictions should be limited to whatever's morally correct. For example, you should never lie to someone you love, and that someone should never lie to you or someone who trusts him/her. Your responsibilities in marriage or even with a simple dating situation are obvious: make your partner happy. It works both ways, though. Good luck getting your partner to do what you want. You may have to give a little to get a little.
29 Jun 08
He probably trusts you very much. My husband used to call me ALL day long.. He always had to know where I was at and what I was doing. To tell you the truth it was obnoxious. So I'm sure you trust him enough to know he's not doing anything wrong. I think a trust filled relationship is a healthy one.
29 Jun 08
You need to speak to your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Before my boyfriend and I lived together we never really kept tabs on each other. However we did text and chat everyday. Trust and communication are important in a relationship. If you are happy with the way things are then it doesn't matter. Perhaps you'd see him more often to strengthen your relationship? Good luck!
@Elixiress (3893)
29 Jun 08
Do you ever see each other? By the sounds of it you have a relationship that isn't even friendship, you don't do things together, but you talk once a day. If I have interpretated the relationship right then I would not personally consider it a relationship, just a daily correspondence. Me and my boyfriend she each other a few times a week and if we don't see each other then we correspond on the night or when we next see each other. I work days and he works nights, so it is difficult to see each other.
@Tianna2 (1274)
• United States
29 Jun 08
I dont know how I would feel in this kind of relationship. I guess if your happy with it, then it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks but it doesnt sound like your very happy. Personaly, I would want someone to spend more time with me and be more involved with my life(and me in his). My friends call me almost every day, I expect more then that from a boyfriend. Just my opinion, I dont mean to judge. Huggs, Tianna
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
It seems that the leniency in your relationship is now taking its toll on you when you have these thoughts of not knowing your boyfriend's whereabouts at certain times and vice versa. It's quite bothersome not knowing some things that you feel you ought to know if your in a relationship with someone. Talking with each other on a regular basis means that you have the freedom and the right to know of what's happening to each other's lives, right? So I guess, it won't be hurting the relationship, if you tell him your concern.
• India
29 Jun 08
if i were U.i don't think it is love...it is just a common thing that is goin on in now a days{makin calls}..so think once ????
• Philippines
29 Jun 08
good day.. I have a relationship like that but it's called friendship. You've been with him for 2 years and yet that's your setup I don't want to sermon but anyone who is in a real relationship whether you call it lenient or not would certainly say that your's is lacking, truly lacking i everything a relationship should have.
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
29 Jun 08
well, i would like to have freedom as well when i am in a relationship... but at the same time, i want to set boundaries as well... i would like to know what my hubby is doing sometimes even though it is not until the smallest details... i feel like there is no use to have a relationship if we don't know what we are doing everyday and we don't communicate... for me, it is not considered as a relationship... it is more like a friendship to me... that's what i think... take care and have a nice day...
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
29 Jun 08
Well I think that would just be considered dating but not really going steady. Then again to each their own. If your having doubts on if you can really call him your bf maybe you should ask him what he calls you? Have a Great day.
@bunnybon7 (35524)
• Holiday, Florida
29 Jun 08
I kind of understand what your saying. But do you or he ever get worried about what each other is doing? i mean if you love and trust each other thats all that really matters. do you not go out together because of finances? my late hubby and i worked during the day and some nights went diffent place apart from each other. and that was fine. the freedom and trust was wonderful after all the bad guys i'd had. we loved each other more than anything and i cant find another like him.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
29 Jun 08
There is a man like that whom I've dated off and on for several years. We have gone our seperate ways for long periods of time and dated others and somehow we always end up coming back together. WE are both very busy and very different people. I really love that sort of relationship. I do know what you are saying as I have at times felt that way too but for the most part, I don't. It's just how we are and it may be different but it works for us so I don't really question it.
@juhi06 (1850)
• India
29 Jun 08
hi dear rather funny, either you are playing with the sentiments of all the people around or you are a big zero. well you are the best judge of your life and better you know how to lead it. what liberties can be given to boy friend, better learn it now. before it is toooooooooo late.
• United States
28 Jun 08
If you both agree that this type of relationship is what you want than it's great. If he is the one refusing to make it more serious or trying to convince you that things should stay this way than I would be suspicious. Since you are posting this you must be questioning whether you are happy with the relationship...if you are happy and okay with the terms of the relationship than stay with him...if it bothers you and you are questioning the relationship more than trusting in it than don't stay with him. goodluck!
• United States
28 Jun 08
i find it odd but if it works for you and your happy then who cares?? if you think it wont turn into having a future and that is your goal then you should prob move on.. me and my hubby tell each other every that goes on but we are just like that.. we dont feel the need to keep tabs on each other or anything.. just depends on how you feel about it
@jesus777 (664)
• Bermuda
28 Jun 08
i guess im an old fashioned gal but too me communication is very important in a relationship but on the other hand relationships should be built on trust too but if you cant be honest and honest with your partner who can you be open and honest with you are always wonderign what the other is doing and that is not good is he cheating on me is she cheating on me does he really love me i just think if there hardly any communication then that isnt a relationship to me at all !!!!!
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
28 Jun 08
You hit the issue right on. No, you most absolutely do not have a relationship if that's all you two do together. That's not good for either one of you. Sit the other person down and talk to them. Maybe it can be solved that way.
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
28 Jun 08
Well it all depends really. Some people must know where their significan others is at all times, while others just let them do their own thing and they meet up later. I hang out with my boyfriend alot, so I almost always know what hes up to. But you dont need to report every minute of your day to them. They dont need to really know where you are all day, unless it might affect them (upset them, etc) I dont think a relatinship like yours isnt a real relationship. I actually think its a good thing you guys arent so dependant on eachother. You hear of all these couples that are with eachother twenty four seven who start to get annoyed. If you guys were to break up (which im not saying you will, just as an example) you already are independant so you wont have as hard of a time bouncing back as others do.
@yullar (129)
• China
28 Jun 08
Hi friend,I can get your point,maybe you should have a talk,and let him know your view. I think the comunication is more importent for the lovers.My girlfriend and I are together for 5 years,and we are in the same class,and I told her anywhere she is,let me know,it is importent to me,because when her phone is power off,I would be mad,lol. I do not know how do your boyfriend think,maybe he is busy,or other,the point is let him know your opinion.Goodluck.
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
28 Jun 08
I do see where you're coming from... I talk to my girl friend frequently through out the day... It's something we both agreed to do... It does help, at least in our case, when she calls me & if I can't talk to her, she leave cute messages on my voice mail & vise versa... It helps to keep our relationship fresh... I work at retail store so my hours are little crazy so there've been days when I didn't get home till late at night & we both are tired so we don't get to talk... These little talks & messages help us through the day...