Should I go for dinner with my ex for my birthday?

Canada
July 7, 2008 11:01am CST
As some of you know, I broke up with my boyfriend 1 1/2 month ago. My birthday is approaching and he had wanted to take me out and do something special. I told him that I didn't mind going out with him but I wouldn't spend all evening with him. I would like to have time to do other things if the something comes up. He didn't like that response. I think the most he will do now is maybe call me for my b-day. I don't feel like I did anything wrong but still kind of feel bad for turning him down. I don't want to give him the wrong impression that I've changed my mind about breaking up. Should I have accepted the invitation?
3 people like this
12 responses
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
9 Jul 08
If you are breaking up for whatever reason it's good to have agreements on what you want to do together and what not and to make sure you have your heads in the same direction. If the has a wish to get back together and you don't then it's only fair to let him know. However, from your topic I can't conclude that spending the evening with you would mean he wants you back. It could be but it doesn't have to be neccesairly. You should only have accepted the invitation if you want to.
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
8 Jul 08
NO you did what you wanted to do. Why performing still formalities with him after breaking up?? Rather HE should understand that your not his girlfriend any more. You are free to do any thing. Some people take other people for granted .. in that case they always feel bad when they are turned down. But that doesn't mean that you have to say "yes" to them all the time!! Just do what you want to do.. Just make sure that you don't get rude to him.. (if you still want to be friends with him).. Just be casual and "indifferent"..!! I must tell you these things can really get complex some times.. if you don't clear things up before hand... :)
• United States
8 Jul 08
i think you did right and it is his own fault for expecting more from you. would he had rather you lied and while you guys were outthen you ditch him ? you were being honest and if he couldnt deal with that then so be it. he will get over it.
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
8 Jul 08
I think you did the right thing. By accepting the invitation you would have been sending mixed signals and he might have gotten the idea that you two could patch things up...the fact that he didn't like your conditions kind of goes along the same line. I think if he wants to do something special for you he should send you a card, maybe call or drop off a cake...something that any other friend might do. Dinner, flowers, things like that are usually things a b/f does for you. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@SHAMRACK (8532)
• India
8 Jul 08
Dear friend, Wish you a happy birthday. I hope if you want to keep his as your real boy friend rather than an ex I hope the dinner might be better. Other wise to continue as an ex why should that boy given an hope without any better result. I hope those you see as not ex and hope will be much better and sincere in a special occasion like this. It is purely your decision to continue his as your primary boy friend or ex if dinner is accepted I hope it would your better one for not keeping as ex. The decision is yours and take it well. All the best too..
@spalladino (17924)
• United States
8 Jul 08
You say that you broke up with him so I'm guessing that that means that he probably wasn't too thrilled with your decision to end the relationship. Birthdays can be an emotional time and wanting to take you out to do something special sounds to me like he plans to take advantage of that and try to bring old feelings back up to the surface. You have to be very careful not to send mixed messages to an ex, because that can lead to hurt feelings and anger. I have an ex who used to take every word I said to him as an indication that I wanted to get back together with him so I always had to be extremely careful not to lead him on since I would have to deal with his temper tantrum later. Unless you're interested in dating this guy, IMO, you should keep all social contact with him in a group setting so as to keep the reality of his situation clear to him.
@muxicka (216)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
I think it's not bad if you go out with him. Maybe there's just a conflict with you 'cause I think you still like him. Go, have fun, reminisce the time that you've been together before. Who knows, things might work out for you in your birthday.
@salonga (27957)
• Philippines
8 Jul 08
If you are still in love with him and he is not committed to anyone yet then I don't see any reason why you should not date him again but I do not go for spending all evening with him. Just plain date without any contact is okay for me. Once you've given enough time and you find that you are really for each other then go and marry then you can spend all the rest of your evenings with him.
• Canada
8 Jul 08
Firstly, Happy Birthday! Now, how you choose to spend your birthday depends. I personally think you should only accept his invitation if you want to get back together with him. If you don't but you do spend the evening with him (even if it's just dinner and then home after), then you will probably still be sending him mixed signals. If it was your choice to break up with him and he still has feelings for you, it would not be fair to lead him. Even though you're just trying to be nice and saying that you will go to dinner with him but "just as friends" he will still most likely misconstrue that as "hope". It's okay to feel bad for turning him down - it's normal, in fact. Just remember, you would probably hurt him more if you accepted his invitation, letting him believe there is a chance, and then dashing his hopes a second time. On the other hand, if you do want to get back together with the guy, then by all means, go for it! Whatever your decision, good luck and enjoy your special day!
• Malaysia
8 Jul 08
considering the fact that you're not going out with him anymore i think you did the right thing. it's okay to go out with him on your birthday but i guess if something else crops up you'd want to do that too. as you're no longer together you dont have to be tied to him and it's not necessary for you to spend time with him on your birthday. he should understand that and shouldnt have any hopes when he asked you out. but the question is, do you want to celebrate your birthday with him? ;) ..anyway, however you're going to celebrate it, i hope you have a wonderful time.
@bonbon664 (3470)
• Canada
7 Jul 08
If you want to keep him your ex, I wouldn't go out with him.
• United States
7 Jul 08
It sounds to me that he wants you to spend your birthday with him... It sounds to me like he wants you back... why did you break up with him??? Was it something that he did???