How do you tell him you need space?
July 9, 2008 7:22am CST
I've been with my boyfriend for a little while now and I am feeling a little smothered. Neither of us had been in a relationship for a while now and I had started enjoying being by myself some and he has a successful career that's not very demanding anymore. I loved it at first but now I'm slacking in the little things like getting my hair done or taking care of other minor life issues. He doesn't have to worry about money, but I do and I don't want him to take care of all of my financial worries as he wants to do. I like doing things for myself and the little things seem like they're not that important anymore. We love seeing each other but I need some time to myself. I don't want to push him away though. I've gotten used to spending alot of time with him and I'm afraid that if I tell him he'll pull all the way back then I'll miss him. What should I do? I thought about waiting until he need some time to himself, but he started talking about marriage and living together because he doesn't want to be apart from me. I love him and don't want to lose what we have, I just need some time to enjoy being by myself again with being with him. Help,
1 person likes this
• Garden Grove, California
10 Jul 08
ljforte1024 talk to your boyfriend, hes not a monster, tell him just what you have told us, be frank and loving and work this all out. If you get married you still need some me time and he will need some he time, work on this together. How much do you love him. why not get engaged and set a wedding date and meantime get some marriage counseling so you two are on the same page. a lot of marriages let each otherhave alone time, you should not be tied to the hip and neither should he as you both will need friendsbesides each other, you and he cannot be everything to each other so you need friends too.
• United States
9 Jul 08
It sounds like you're currently looking at the relationship more casually than he is, and it's good that you've recognized that you need more time. Maybe just tell him that you think he's moving too quickly and that, while you love being with him, you're not ready to start planning the wedding. If you want to stay with him, assure him that, just because you need a longer adjustment period, it doesn't mean that you're breaking up. The man I've been with for several years was understanding when I explained that I was in need of more time and would prefer to see where things headed. When we moved in together, things got a lot easier. There wasn't any of that urgent omg-we-must-be-together-every-free-moment stuff going on and we were able to relax, do our own thing, have more time to ourselves, and still have a lot of together time. I don't know if that's an option for you, but it might be something to consider trying out for weekends. I still think it's funny that we spend less time together now that we're living together than we did when we were separate dwellings. Good luck. If he loves you, he should be able to handle slowing down and letting you get comfortable and establish a new routine.