do you consider yourself having a family without kids?
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
United States
July 10, 2008 6:41pm CST
me and my hubby arent having any kids but it feels weird to say that we are a family because i always picture kids being involved.. so if i dont have kids what are we? do i just need to change my mental picture of what a family is?
this for some reason has always confused me or irritated me.. lol.. what do you all think?? i am not wanting to say family and people think im referring to my birth family
6 people like this
21 responses
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yeah i think you are still a family. Of course i really have a weird view on families because i include friends in my family.
2 people like this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
i guess since i wasnt raised with siblings my age i dont consider my friends as i would siblings because i wouldnt know.. plus family are people you put up with.. friends are people you want to be with..
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
11 Jul 08
i dont view friends as family.. i guess i dont wanna wish that on people hahahahaahaahah just kidding!!
1 person likes this
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
11 Jul 08
hey that hurts man really hurts....but its the way i always been...i adopted my friends family and vice versa so we all became one big happy family
1 person likes this
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Well, I can't speak from experience.. but I can put my 2 cents worth in. LOL
I really think a family is what you make it. I have always felt that I probably would never get married, but I have always wanted at least one kid. If I ever do have a baby or adopt without being married that definitely won't be a traditional family, but it would still be a family in it's own way.
So I definitely think that you and your husband are a type of family, you share your lives and love with each other. That might not be what you see on tv or in "family portrait" families.. but it's still beautiful.
We are definitely conditioned to think of family as being the normal "nuclear" family, but I think more and more often these days the definition of family is changing. And that is a great thing for couples who don't want kids, or can't have kids.
I definitely don't think that you *have* to change what you think a family is, but maybe adjust it a little to fit your own life. 
@greysfreak (1384)
• United States
11 Jul 08
aww.. well, you are your own person and I'm glad that you aren't giving in to your mom's ideas of a family. I believe that woman are much more than baby machines and baby makers. I mean, I think motherhood is a gift, and I hope to have that someday, but it definitely doesn't define a woman completely.
I'm sorry to hear that your mom disapproves. 
I think it's much better to not have kids than bring them into the world and have them suffer because things are bad with your health, it's definitely hard, I mean, growing up there were no major health problems with my mom or dad, but in the past 6 or 7 years my mom has had a lot of health problems, and even though I'm not a kid, it's still hard seeing her in pain, so I think it's a good thing that you consider your health issues in the picture of kids and family. Caring for kids is physical, especially for the first 5 or 10 years, so if you have health problems it would be a major struggle. And you know that, that is a good thing to know and accept.
I think it's much better to not have kids than bring them into the world and have them suffer because things are bad with your health, it's definitely hard, I mean, growing up there were no major health problems with my mom or dad, but in the past 6 or 7 years my mom has had a lot of health problems, and even though I'm not a kid, it's still hard seeing her in pain, so I think it's a good thing that you consider your health issues in the picture of kids and family. Caring for kids is physical, especially for the first 5 or 10 years, so if you have health problems it would be a major struggle. And you know that, that is a good thing to know and accept.2 people like this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
11 Jul 08
i think being raised in an old fashion family has made me think this.. since my mom pretty much thinks women are only here to be mothers so i know shes not happy with my decisions but oh well!!
2 people like this
@squaretile (3778)
• Singapore
11 Jul 08
I think a family can be with or without kids. Quite a few people are choosing not to have kids these days as a conscious decision not to change their lifestyle.
Understand that your decision is borne out of health reasons. well, you could still be close to your nieces and nephews and be a fatherly and motherly figure to them.
I think you can say family and the definition which just includes you and your hubby will be correct.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
my brothers are in their 40s and never married or had kids so unless my best friend has them i dont get to do the aunt thing either.. my cousin had kids but i never got to see them so i didnt stay close with them.. was never close anyways so it wasnt a big deal but thats the closest person family wise that has kids
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
11 Jul 08
that is a good question. i guess the answer would be different depending on who u ask. i among others would probably say they would consider themselves to be a family by having kids involved. i know there are others who are content being just married, or just single.
2 people like this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
i dont know of any one else that doesnt have kids.. thats prob why it seems weird to me to use the term since i have no examples
@twistershot (736)
• India
11 Jul 08
Family life will complete with children, we can't avoid these true points, by the time being you may have any trouble to get kids, it may solve this problem by doctor consult or by the god graces, I am very sorry for these medical problems with you but don't make your mind alone, you have one kid already that's your husband, he will always with you, good luck for child birth.
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
he has health probs too and doesnt want kids.. he raised his brother and sister so he is done with that haha
@fxcash (105)
• Canada
11 Jul 08
I think that you and your husband with or without children are still family, what makes up the individual family unit depends on what you personally feel is important and if you guys are married and happy together than I feel that you are indeed family.
2 people like this
@sutanhartanto (4122)
• Indonesia
11 Jul 08
i think a husband and a wife can be considered as a family. well, of course the children existence will be an important part which make the family complete. but having children or not completely depends on their choice.
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Yes, you are a family. Many couples don't end up with kids, for one reason or another. It does not make them any less a family. If someone said to you, "How many people do you have in your family?" Your answer would be, "Two." right? You might even say, "Just my husband, and me." But you would not say,"I don't have a family." You do. And it is as valid as any other family.
1 person likes this
@DaddyOfTheRose (2934)
• United States
11 Jul 08
Mental picture of what a family is?
I think a husband and wife are a family unto themselves, but not everyone agrees. The question isn't what everyone agrees with but what you feel is the right way to use the term here.
Generally, family is a more plural usage.. imply children. Otherwise you'd just say my "spouse and I" instead of my family. However, if you and your spouse have no children you can still have "family traditions" involving your married family instead of your birth family. I think you have room to use the term as you wish.
However, it sounds like some part of you feels your family is not yet complete because there are no kids. This might be something you need to reflect upon. Do you really not want children?
2 people like this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
11 Jul 08
i cant have them and we are both in bad health to where we couldnt raise them
1 person likes this
@lazeebee (5461)
• Malaysia
11 Jul 08
We don't have any kids, too. I've not seriously given a thought to the term 'family' . Most of the time, we refer to ourselves as 'my hubby & I' or 'my wife & I". So when people ask me about my family, I think the first thing that comes to my mind are my parents & siblings. Does the term 'family' include kids?
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
11 Jul 08
yep the same here.. i think of my parents too but obviously i dont want to keep thinking of myself as some ones child as my identity but i dunno.. i guess i should just stick with hubby and me like you guys do which is what i feel comfy with and not worry bout the rest..
1 person likes this
@nutanjain (898)
• India
12 Jul 08
no non i ama single and not married i am also feeling fre and lucky and enjoying my bachelorism and how many kids do you have aand how much old they are and do you enjoy your married life and what was your first day experience was you marriage arranged one or love marriage please tell or respond to any of my discussions pleareply iam very excited to this issue
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
13 Jul 08
i dont have any kids.. that was my question that is it considered a family if you dont have any kids since usually you associate kids with the word family.. and mine was a love marriage and been married for 9 years now and very happy
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
10 Jul 08
hi.. there are those couples blessed with kids but there are those who are not.. however, it should not affect your relationship as couples for not having a baby since its not only you who have a situation like that.. if you really want to have kids, then maybe you can go to other alternatives like adopting or sponsoring foundations who are taking care of kids.. for me, what is important is your relationship as husband and wife.. a family for me need not to have kids included since you really cannot bear kids..
2 people like this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
11 Jul 08
we had talked about adopting but we both have a lot of health probs and im not good with kids so we arent going to.. plus its a risk to my life
1 person likes this
@sharay (2769)
• India
11 Jul 08
there could be two meanings for "family"
1. a group consisting of father, mother and children.
2. two or more people who would like to share their lives together, have long-term commitments to one another and of course, reside in the same household.
and you come under the second category, which also is known as "family"
Regarding the children, since i have one, i would defntly want you to experience that feel of having a kid, its will change your entire life, you are going to get a new meaning to your life, either your own or adopted, yes...i can understand that they need a lot of your time and energy, but they give back far more than they consumed in future, the happiness that you get out of them is just boundless...so just give a thought about it, your health problems wont be a constraint, believe me moon
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
12 Jul 08
Her medical problems will always be a huge factor in her having children. She is psychically unable to carry a child, and if she were to become pregnant it could kill her and the child. Adoption might be an option if she knew who to handle them better. The health problems are the major reason her and her husband decided not to have children, but also the fact that some women are not meant to be mothers and she happens to be one of them.
1 person likes this
@Tianna2 (1273)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I've never really been a big fan of titles but to me, I always felt the same way. If there's no kids involved it just seems like your a couple but its up to you what title you give yourselves. Your still Mister and Misses.
Cheers, Tianna
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
i dont like titles either but it seems like every once in awhile i think about it and its weird how even though i may not like titles it seems like i am already prone to thinking that way with being programmed of hearing it all the time.. scary!!
@metschica25 (5399)
• United States
11 Jul 08
I think you can look at you and your hubby as being a family , and you can involve all your loved ones in that too . The people you know the most will understand and you wont have to explain yourself .
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
yeah i will "Draft" in some people lol.. its insane when people ask you if you have kids and you say no they want an explanation NOW on why..
@yukiyoh1105 (289)
• Philippines
12 Jul 08
I always want to have children when I have my own family in the future. Though I hate kids now that I always make them cry, I still want my own. Lolz. Don't worry, your kids will come on the right time. God Bless!
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
well i have 2 cats and a dog so thats three kids.. im done!! jk..
@snowbitz (487)
• Philippines
11 Jul 08
Yes I was once like you.But for sometime it did not bother me because i have a loving husband who supported me.You married your husband without thinking anything at first.Having a kid is additional happiness but it does not make you a less person if you don't have any as of the moment.Me I take it as a time to spend alone with my husband because believe me if you have your own kid you will find it hard to spend some quality time together.
1 person likes this
@moonlitmagikchild (22181)
• United States
12 Jul 08
yeah i know that quality time will definitely be gone lol
