Would this qualify as a nervous break down?

@guss2000 (2233)
United States
July 15, 2008 2:36pm CST
I just need to vent. I really DON'T think I am having a nervous break down, but I'm very stressed and I just need to get it all out. If you're my friend, then you know my son is currently in the hospital. The stress of that alone is enough for anyone. In addition to that, even before this hospital admission we've been having a struggle this week with money. When it gets near to payday, we are a little low, so we are trying to stretch very little to make it to this weekend when my boyfriend will get paid. So we had JUST enough to make. Well, then my son gets admitted to the hospital, that's an added expense right there just with the extra parking money, and gas money. I've been staying here around the clock, but if my boyfriend comes to see us-- that's extra money. I told him yesterday don't bother to come because we just didn't have the extra cash to spare. He will be stopping by today after his aqua-therapy (he's on workmen's comp and therapy due to a work injury--- another stressor...) I'm so grateful that my son gets a toddler tray at the hospital... beucase without that I' would have literally had nothing to eat since Sunday. We just don't have any cash to spend on anything that's not necessary... like gas. So, my son eats part of it, and I've been finishing what he doesn't eat. They really give ALOT of food on these trays, so thank god for that! That's most of MY issues--- but i'm one that tends to worry alot-- and I'm usually the "problem solver" when it comes to issues in the family. I've always been that way, and have always been willing to help them out. It used to always be a money issue, and when I was working, money really was not an issue-- but since I'm a stay at home mom now, and we only hve one income in our family--- we are pushed to the limit. Anyway, my dad calls me on the 4th of July....a total downer, by the way and tells me that he is probably going to be evicted at the middle of the month. There is really NOTHING I can do financially to help him. He is pretty much on the verge of eviction EACH and EVERY month because he makes HORRIBLE job choices. If he would work an hourly job, he would be set-- but NO he thinks he can sell stuff and earn commision, which he works HOURS for and often brings home nothing! So, I've had all of this in the back of my mind.. and now today is the 15th, and he was supposed to be out of his apartment by today. I tried to call him onhis cell phone, but due to not paying-- it's been shut off. I'm in the hospital with my son, so really there would be nothing I could do to help him get his stuff out of his place, and now i can't even call him to figure out what is going on. Extra worries about that now too. I really TRY not to let other people's issues bother me, Lord knows I have enough on my own plate. I really wish that my dad wouldn't dump on me like that. He just always thinks his problems are sooo much worse then ANYONE's in the world. He has been bailed out financially tons of times by his church, the state and whoever else he can get to help him. He gets assistance, and someone takes care of his daughter (my little sister) everyday. Me, I don't have any help with ANYTHING, struggle every time and can't get anyone to watch my son because of his medical issues. Okay so that's the biggest stressors going on right now.... but... I've been going outside of this hospital to get fresh air often. It's SOO loud in this ICU, babies crying like the are being tortured, numerous machines beeping everywhere. I have a migraine. My feet are swollen. Luckily, i'm not starving. So outside in my time of FREEDOM--- all of these bums and homeless people are out there annoying the heck out of me! Either trying to bum cigarettes, get money, or pick you up. I'm quite annoyed at everything in my life and today when a bum said "Hey baby" and kept saying it-- I wanted to freaking stab him in the eye. Instead, i ran away and hid behind a sign.
1 response
@bmorehouse1 (1029)
• United States
15 Jul 08
You absolutely DO need to vent! Thats good that you are doing so. You have a lot to worry about nad things look pretty bleak. I believe that there are social workers or counselors at the hospital that could probably help you and tell you where to go to help you out with finances, etc. Its good that you and your boyfriend are trying to do this on your own, but you need help! You need someone else to help you. I know there are agencies that could help you in various ways. There are also churches that help people out in many ways as well as the Food Bank. Don't keep this all to yourself. I would try not to worry about your dad. He's an adult and he needs to take care of himself. He cannot expect you to take care of him and a sick child for gosh sake. Hang in there!
@guss2000 (2233)
• United States
16 Jul 08
Thank you so much. My mother always told me to not be too proud to ask for help. I love being independent though, and I hate being needy. I know that once my son is out of the hospital, things will calm down again. I just feel so overwhelmed. I hate when I can't "fix" things. My son is sick, I can't fix it-- my dad is financially ill, again I can't fix it. We are trying to become active in a Chruch. We have been looking into several, so hopefully we will find one soon. I'd feel better if we were involved in a church, before we asked for help. I know Churches help anybody that are needy, regardless if you are a member, but I always feel guilty about that. Anyway, thanks for your response and support.
• United States
16 Jul 08
If for no other reason, think of your son if you need to ask for help. You need to concentrate on him, and worrying about other things takes the attention away from him and his needs. I hope you find a church that you like soon. Taking your troubles to God takes some of the burden from your shoulders. I have found that by praying to Him and telling Him your troubles does help you feel better. Best wishes!
1 person likes this
@guss2000 (2233)
• United States
17 Jul 08
Thank you. So many have told me that when they put their faith in God, things change for the better. I'm definitely a Christian, but haven't devoted the time that I should to prayer and such. I hope to be a better person, in that respect and in the long run I think it will help me out with my troubles as well.