forgive me for this one

@Sonadora (356)
United States
July 25, 2008 11:58am CST
Really not trying to bring anyone down, but I just really want to get this out. I came to the realization this morning that I am pretty sure I have a serious problem on my hands. I've only ever talked about alcoholism in reference to myself jokingly. But I think I might actually be one. I've always told myself it's not an issue, that I'm stronger than that. I tell myself that even when I'm drinking. Over and over, I'm stronger than this. This is not me. So then why does it keep happening? I'm not one of those drink 24/7 kind of people. But when I do drink, it's bad. Starts with one and then I just can't seem to stop. Nothing bad has ever really happened as a result. I just get really trashed. I always tell myself it won't happen again, but then it does. I just can't stop. I've been struggling with depression for a while now and this just adds to it. When I'm drinking all I do is think about how much I hate myself for drinking. And then I take another drink. And then the hate continues on after I sober up. I'm stuck in this vicious cycle and I can't seem to find a way out. I did ok for a while basically because I became a recluse and just withdrawn from the world around me. But that was only ignoring the problem at hand, not solving it. I really would like to talk to my mom about it, but I don't think she'd take me seriously. She wouldn't let herself think that I actually have a real problem. She only sees what she wants to see. And then I think, oh I'm just normal, I don't really have a problem. It's all in my head. But is it?
3 people like this
6 responses
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
26 Jul 08
Ok Sonadora, If you think you have a problem then you most probably do. I am a recovering alchoholic. It is not something to take lightly. You are still young enough to stop before it takes over and ruins your life. I am in recovery and I can tell you I know the signs and you sound like you have them. You need to talk to someone. I can give you all the information that you want if you really are serious. Even if you just want to talk to someone on the phone for now. You are talking about it which is good. But is this just a cry for attention? If you like, friend me and send me a private message and if you want you can call me on the phone or email me. I will do whatever I can to help you.
26 Jul 08
donne blame ur hand for this , its has no bran ,,, but let me tell u something if u feel its ur hand ,just keep ur self away from any kind of drink , always say if i drink i will cut my hand ,, believe me it will never try to caught a drink again ,, :D ,,,
• Philippines
25 Jul 08
good day.. Your thread's title asking for forgiveness well in fact you don't need to. The first step to recovery is acceptance and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Your asking for advice and our help for your problem, it is difficult enough for a person to admit a problem and tougher still to ask for help but it is also a very wise decision. i surely hope you can find all the assistance you need. Yes, many suggested you going to AA or a support group I would suggest the same. Talk to your mother and trusted friends to guide and monitor you, I'm sure they will help. Lastly, seek the help of an expert so you can know your progress. Good luck God bless.
25 Jul 08
Hello Sonadora, I think you re reconizing that you have a drink problem so if no one listen to you go and see your doctor and he will put in the right direction. Good luck. Tamara
@Bluepatch (2481)
• Trinidad And Tobago
25 Jul 08
What you describe is a problem. I am certain of that. Now that you're aware of it you need to try to deal with it. In Trinidad there is AA which I understand is extremely helpful. Don't try to deal with this yourself. You won't succeed. Go to the people who know and understand this problem and get the help you need.
@jairgirl (2879)
• United States
25 Jul 08
hello sonadora, sorry to hear about all this. i have to checked your profile and see where you are and your age and i honestly am shocked to see a number 24 as an age out there. you're very young, and i know you are having some problems (like finding a job, being out of your normal world, etc) that is just normal the fact that you are aware of what is going on with you is a good sign that you are not yet in a situation which is harder to go back to reality. there are so much out here who is having more problems than you do but hey, imagine they are managing that well despite all the problems. depression is a very bad one to have as it brings down the whole person wether you like it or not BUT there is a way to fight it back and though it is not easy it only takes one step at a time. i said this coz i have depression problem and my husband have one too. my husband relies to medication for so many years but after having bad side effects we come to agreement that we will just handle the situation the best way we know how and we will just support each other. it's almost 6 months since we took that move and we are both happy that he is getting better and better each day. he just need me to understand that he have down moment and it has nothing to do with me same goes if i am having my depression attacks. you know i found mylot as a very helpful outlet. if i am down and or full term depress., all i have to do is open my computer and just start a discussion that i feel will help my brain out and i will just explore the world out here and at the end of the day i realized the situation is not that bad at all. also, it will be helpful to go to places where you can volunteer coz that will help you see that you are not alone, there are others too who have worst situation than you do BUT are doing their best to fight back and not give up. learn to count your blessings. it doesnt matter if you are religious or not. i honestly am not, but i have seen people in different countries who still managed to have a smile on their face despite the lack of food or water. and those who are suffering from illness and or handicapped. there are so much world that life can offer for you and not just a piece of booze! if you feel that your mom is not a good start for help then DON"T! you dont need guilt or words that you feel will bring you more down or make you feel less of a person. you can tell her what is going on with you if you feel that will help you feel better but dont ask for help if that is not what you are looking for. sometimes we just need to try and not wonder around. i wish you all the best, and remember you are not alone! takecare