Have your spouse changed after marriage??

I believe that love attain's its greatest level before you are married, so what you can not change be4 then can only be miraclously changed after Marriage.

marriage changes the life i have a prooof!!!! My elder brother got married last year before marriage he was very dull person. He never came on parties, never enjoyed the gathering even in our home. But would you imagine what happen to him after his marriage he one who always tries to have some parties or outside gathering on every weekend. Wow his dressing now more elegant he look more sober. He is really changed every one in our family is amazed about his attitude change. One more thing their marriage is not Love Marriage but arranged and his wife is chosen by me and my sis!!!!!!!!!!

I did not know much about my better half, before our marriage. Our courtship was also for few months. I could never know the real 'She' during our courtship. She was very nice, friendly and caring during our courtship. I could know real 'her' only after our marriage. I feel I have changed a lot after marriage. By the way none of us was a 'problem character', as you have mentioned in your discussion. I have improved a lot, since I got married. I learnt many realities of life, after marriage, realities were quite different from my imagination about my partner and married life. There is saying - 'You cannot change others, but you can change yourself'. I believe in following this dictum. I try to adjust to the best possible extent, knowing fully well that no one can be 'perfect', everyone has some minus and plus points in his/her personality/character. An excellent post!!

Hi mimpi1911! I do agree. You can never change any person even after marriage, even if he loves you very much because the change will only come from himself or herself. My husband and I did change somehow. I think we are more understanding with each other and more accepting with our faults and weaknesses. But he is still the same man before I married him, just more mature and I guess, time has a way in making anyone more gentle and wiser. Take care always..God Bless!

My husband had changed. He become less comfortable with me and somewhat starting hiding a secret from me. He does not even care if he hurt my feelings as long as he had his way of deciding over things that we supposed to decide both. That was after 2 years of white days. But when I decided to talk to him and show him the wrong side of relationship that we are undergoing, he finally decide what to do and make up his mind. I told him " We are only together for two years and I am not afraid of giving you up since I have'nt invested my whole personality on you and my world is not revolving around you alone. I have my own life and if you decide we will go on our way if you're not willing to help this out then I will." Good thing he listen, and now he is becoming more careful again. I even recieved a compliment from him that after that big fight we had, he realizes that he loves me so much and will not allow to lose me at all cost. Hmmmm.. I just wish he will for the long run.. Well, I have learned to not give my everything to him even if he is my husband, so that when the time comes that everything comes worst , I will not be losing myself. I am not saying that you have to hold back the feelings because we need to express it by all means, I am saying just simple, If you love someone, save 1/4 part of that love for yourself.

Hello mimpi, that is a very good topic and I wish I saw more topics like it here on MyLot. This relates not only to marriage but also to any serious relationship. After a certain age you cannot change people and this has to be accepted whether we like it or not. It is also generally true that men remain the boys they were when they were younger and never really grow up. Women when they are younger are much better at adapting and coping with new situations. However, you made a very valid point and I agree with you totally that no one should go into a relationship or commit themselves in the hope that things will get better, or that the other person will change for the better. Moreover, many people have children in the hope that that will cement the relationship and bring them together. The problem is that people do not like to end relationships and delude themselves with the hope that things will go well. It may be a sense of fear of the unknown; a fear of being alone; an unwillingness to admit failure; or simply not having the courage to confront a bullying partner. In the end it adds up to the same thing and the bad relationship is prolonged a lot longer than it should be. Have a good weekend. Umart

I married my wife hoping and praying that she should never change.She hasn't.And I thank God for that.

Marriage does change all of us a little and we need to accept this. I am fortunate in that my wife has changed very little from when we first met up until today. If anything she has become even better! And I know that I too have changed a little; I just hope that it has been in a positive way as well! A marriage takes effort and committment and if we were to assume that we would all always stay the same then we will all be in for a suprise! What I don't understand is why someone would be with someone else just to change them? If they are not compatible or have issues in the first place then don't enter into a relationship!

well i certainly agree, you dont marry somebody and think you can change the person, that's so not true. i know a guy friend who plays around, and says he wants to marry his girlfriend so that he wont be able to play around anymore, but after she married his girlfriend, he was his old self. you dont marry for the wrong reason. you should not marry thinking you will change when you get married or that you can change the person once you get married. it takes disciple and you should try to discipline yourself outside marriage or your marriage will only tunr out to be a failure. you should marry somebody you love, and whom you have accepted fully for the person that he is. if you can't stand his beating you up, then don't marry him. forget about him. dont think he'll change when you get married, he can only do worst and you will only live a miserable life. look for somebody who loves you, cares for you, pampers you. and you should learn to accept the person and his imperfections as well. guess that's they key for both of you to live a happy life together. not perfect, because i dont believe there is a perfect relationship. there will be ups and downs too, but you will both be able to handle the downs in the relationship pefectly well, and get to enjoy the ups together!:)

U r always busy bee that i know nothing to mention about it but glad that u r OK and doing well Keep it up

Hi dear well i cant say thing about it as my marriage was arranged one and i first met her, talk to her after our wedding, So i think she is same LOL as far as ur discussion, in arrange marriages, both parents get check habits, family and then decide to unite but still , who know the future Take care

Funny you asked..Just a few days ago we were celebrating our first wedding anniversary but we have been living together now for almost 8 years..I said it's funny, because I asked my husband that night if he thought I have changed. If yes, what are those changes and does he think it was a good change or not..We both exchanged thoughts. We analyzed each other and I found out that the man i know as my best friend is still the man i married!!! He is the same man that I know way back from College days and happy too that some of his weaknesses have changed for the better too.. I have changed a lot since we got together. I am a totally better person now. Much of my bad habits are gone and I owe it all to my husband...

there is some changes that i see with my partner. but some are notural for him and no one can change him.

My marriage was an arranged one.My husband behavior not changed at all in this 6th year.Secret...I changed a lot.Especially in words I am very much irritated with small matters even with children mischievous,and he is always complaining about me that I thought you are so poor in nature .But you are so cruel in attitude.Yet I know that he loved him a lot...........

My husband and I have changed a lot since marriage....but I had expected it. I don't believe in trying to change a person after marriage. I always believed a person is an individual and they grow and change (married or not)...it just seems like a lot when it is after marriage...and each one is expecting to live with the same 'person' they married and are disappointed when that doesn't happen. They do not realize that they have changed too....and any relationship is a growing process and needs a lot of respect and understanding from BOTH people to make the relationship smooth. But habits die hard and different things work for different people.

I really don't think that my husband or I actually changed because of the marriage. I think that as human beings we all change do to circumstances and life experiences. But I think that the marriage itself only makes your commitment stronger to one another, not change the person. I have been married for almost 19 years now and I think we have both matured as people because of our ages now, but I don't think marriage is what made us a little different, I think it is life. [b] Have a great day and happy myLotting![/b]

I think that most of us change to some extent when we marry,as ther is someone else to consider as well as ourselves,it isnt always the case that a leopard may change his spots but on the whole it takes time to adjust to being married,and of cousre it doesnt suit everyone by all means.But we just live in hopes that when we marry we will end up happy and compatible,

unfortunately not. i'm still stuck with the same wife for the past three years. lol!!! i'm looking at our marriage contract to see if i can opt to return her to her parents but no such luck. i'm also looking for an expiration date but can't find any. "sigh"

I think you better plan on your spouse being WORSE than before you married, if anything! LOL Dating tends to bring out the best side of people Marriage wont' "fix" them or change them for the better. Chances are much better it will get worse, not better. Most importantly, make sure they are your best friend before you get married. My husband has not changed much, but we were best friends for 2 years before we started dating. So, I knew him before he was trying to impress me.

I do believe that a person would only changed if they really want to change by themselves but through other person I guess that it is so hard to believed so that if you already find the right person for you especially for the Man or both parties including me so that is the reason eventhough my wife is not Arab woman I decide to marry here even it is against all odds....