What is it with my Husband

United States
August 1, 2008 11:31am CST
I love my husband. I really do. We have had some pretty rough hills to climb in our 8 yr marriage but we are still together. It seems like when everything is going good he finds a reason to distance himself. He tells me that nothing is wrong but I can tell by the look on his face that something is bothering him.We were seperated for a while not too long ago. I have been very good since we got back together over a year ago. I have done nothing for him to suspect anythin other than the fact that I love him. I am an at home mother of 3 who has no time to socialize even with girlfriends much less a man. I don't get babysitters or go anywhere unless he knows and approves.So why the distance? Help please. I just want to understand him. He found some sun glasses that he had bought a long time ago and thinks they are another mans. I tried to tell him that they were his but he denis it. Any thoughts on why he is so insecure? Or could there be another reason for his distance? Any advise is welcome. Thanks.
3 people like this
9 responses
@MOMMASAM (1004)
• United States
1 Aug 08
well, maybe he doesn't believe they are his sunglasses? i think you should tell him that if he can't believe you that it may drive a wedge between the two of you. and that is something you do not want to have happen. if they HAD been another man's glasses, i'm sure you would have pitched them away. sounds like he is unsure of himself, or feels guilty in his part of the breakup, and is "putting" this on you. i've noticed that some men, if they think another separation COULD take place, distance themselves from upcoming hurt. a good honest discussion may help. it's something he needs to do: forgive himself.
1 person likes this
@rrdj71 (696)
• United States
1 Aug 08
I think that it sounds like he is being paranoid. Perhaps, like you say, he is insecure. Sometimes insecurities can be caused by simple things such as weight gain, job loss, etc. However, if none of these things have happened then I don't want to worry you, but at times it can also mean that the reason he is being so doubtful of you is because he is really the one in doubt or the one you should doubt. Try to find out what he is up to in a very non chalant way.
• United States
1 Aug 08
I have always heard that the accuser is usually the one doing the bad deed. I have thought about that but with the hrs he works I doubt it. And yes, I know he is at work because he calls me from their phone every 30 min. when he is working over.
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
2 Aug 08
Jess, why is he calling you every 30 minutes? That is a little excessive since he is working isn't it? Sometimes when men want to take the attention away from themselves, they make the woman feel guilty. You guys need to talk and you need to find out what is on his mind and why is he feeling so insecure. You shouldn't have to walk around on eggshells. You can work it out, whatever it is, just communicate.
• Indonesia
2 Aug 08
I don't know your husband, so I couldn't say anything about him. Though I often read and heard that many men like to distance themselves from their partner if they have some problems and at those times, they like to be left alone. It's not healthy for the relationship, I know, but what can we do? My husband does this sometimes, and I let him have his time in times like this, he'll come back when he's ready, not too long usually. I hope you work things out jess. Happy mylotting and have a nice day!!
2 Aug 08
well if u ask me its really hard to convince someone spcly ur partner when there is a suspicion of affair .so dont force urself and let it take some time .if try too hard things might turn even more worse than now.just try it smoothly if it works fine if not just make him feel that u r with him no matter wht.
@bangwin29 (147)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
when there's smoke there is fire, you didn't mention why you broke or separate before because you said "we got back a year ago" it's like he's unsure of you, or he can't trust you anymore, maybe the reason why he's acting that way is with relation to why you separated before but he still needs you and love you and wanted you back and wanted things to get better, but still he have his doubts on you
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
Separation is always hard. Getting back together does not automatically heal anything. Obviously, both of you have issues to overcome and I can only hope and pray that you get over this hump. If it were me involved I would think it was me who was at fault and start from there. This way I get to change the things that were wrong with me and that would have an effect on my wife. I would not start with blaming her for anything at all.
@Jenaisle (3803)
• Philippines
2 Aug 08
You won't be able to know the truth unless you have a heart to heart talk with him. You have to convince him to talk. If he still refuses, then you may need a marriage counselor to resolve the issue.
• China
2 Aug 08
You said 'he found some sun glasses that he had bought a long time ago and thinks they are another mans',it means that he dont trust you.If you want to stay with him for the rest of your life,you'd better keep reminding him that you love him more than anyone else and spend more time outside with him.It seems that you and your hunband are spend too much time at home face to face.Probablely,that's the reason he had separated with you for some time.
• United States
2 Aug 08
normally when a man is that way they are becuase they are feel guilty of something they did or are doing so they try to find out if you are doing it too so they wont feel as bad. not saying that is your case but from my experience that it what i come to believe. my boyfriend was that way too, he found an old pair of socks and we argued a full day because he swore they didnt belong to him. and what kills me is if i know that they couldnt have been someone else's.the one thing i have learned is that you cant make someone trust you and being with someone who doesnt trust you can cause alot of pain.trust is a major part of a relationship so i would just let him know that if he cant trust me then maybe we need more space because it will soon cause you alot of stress. and you shouldnt put off what you want to do just because he cant trust you. the real question you need to ask him is why is he with you if he doesnt trust you?