i'm 23..

Philippines
August 7, 2008 1:27am CST
.. and very much in love. I feel like he's the man for me. But my parents don't agree. They insist that there are other guys for me. Our family is quite well-off, their family isn't. But that's beside the point. I didn't love the guy for what he has or has not, or what he can become in the future years. I love him for who he is. But the parents won't listen. I'm happy with the man I love. Can't they even be happy for that? How can I make my parents accept him?
3 people like this
22 responses
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
Oh that's hard. You are of age already. Have you tried asking your parents what it is about him that they don't like? Is it just because he is not well off like your family? Isn't that too... shallow? Well, the only advise I can give you is if you think he really is the uy for you, then fight for him. Prove your parents otherwise. It would be a pity though if you fight for him THEN you won't end up together in the end. Make sure you're sure with what you want. You can also tell your man to prove his worth to your parents. Think of this, this is YOUR life. Your parents are just after your welfare. However, you will live your life how you want it to be. If it will make you happy, then so be it. If you are wrong, then you learn from your mistake. The point is, your parents cannot pick who is and is not for you. YOU have to choose who is for you. If you chose the wrong person, then it was meant to happen. Not because you did not listen to them or something. I wish you goodluck and I hope you work things out. Hugs!
1 person likes this
@soulist (2987)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I would what jammy suggested, I would ask my parents why they didn't approve of someone. Would he have given them a reason to not like him? Or do you think it's because he isn't as well off as your family is? When I was 23 my mom hated the man I was seeing. But it was because she felt like he was going to hurt me and that he was just shady to her, and he was.
@ketybhagat (4125)
• India
7 Aug 08
Well, firt of all its your decision as you are 23 years old. No one force you. However do try and see your parents view point also. If he has a good job and can keep you happy, then its ok. If not, be careful. Love is blind and one only opens and sees a p erson for what he is when the first bloom of love has faded. Make your own decision but understand why your parents are afraid for you. They have your own interest at heart. I think you should see the pros and cons with an open logical mind before making up your mind.
1 person likes this
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
7 Aug 08
Hi dear,I would say you wait and give time to yourself as well as to your parents.I know you have feelings for this guy and I am happy that you don't bother about rich or poor family issue.But,what I would say is just give some time to your parents,find out why they are against this relationship?is it because of his background or something else worrying them?They are your parents and they love you.They only want to see you happy,if possible introduce him to your family,if they haven't met him yet.Maybe they will change their mind.Just have patience and don't over react to your parents.Try to see from their perspective too and one question,
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
7 Aug 08
does his parents know about your relationship with him?are they happy about it?
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
yes. very much. i asked my dad if he could give the guy a chance, but he refused, saying he doesn't need to. that's my problem. the guy was prejudged. and it's what makes it hard.
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
7 Aug 08
Sometimes parents can be harsh too,but that doesn't make them our enemies.You are still young but old enough to take your decision too.It is your life and your happiness,but parents too should be given a chance.If you are completely sure that this is the guy and you trust him 100%,then you should also make an effort to make your parents understand.It can be tough,but believe in your "love" and I am sure you can do it.Also, listen to what your parents have to say about this guy,find out why are they against this relationship?only when you know this, then you can try and give more effort.Rest is upto you,All the best,dear!
@sk66rc (4261)
• United States
8 Aug 08
I was in a similar situation in that when I started dating, I was dating out of my race... I don't wanna turn this into a race thing but the point is about parents views on their kids dating... They weren't too crazy about the girls I wad bringing home... My thing was, I moved to United States when I was 14... By the time I was old enough to really "date", I was in a situation where I didn't really see a "race" as an issue but for some reason, they did... Not that I was exclusively looking for someone outside of my race but that's the way it happened... I was 23 when I met my ex, exactly your age... I was with her for 9 years... It took my mother almost a decade & a daughter to realize that I am going to do what I see fit with my life... Sounds little cold but it is what it is... Your parents have to see that & accept it, or not, choice is theirs... All you can do is tell them he is the one for you & what they say isn't going to change how you feel for him... Now that you're 23, you're not there to ask for their permission, but you're there to "inform" them of the person whom you're considering spending rest of your life with... At one point or another, you have to live your own life, they can either accept it & bless you guys for it, or turn their back on you... Again, choice is theirs...
@dlufel (424)
• Australia
8 Aug 08
I had similar problem with you before. Just a suggestion, try to see from their point of view. When you said your family is quiet well-off, how 'not well-off' is your man? You might want to realize that these days we cant live with just love. You are still young and you still have a long journey in life. Dont rush everything. Sometimes parents 'see' things that we couldn't see. Try to sit and listen to their reasons instead of yelling at them to mind their own business. You dont have to leave your guy at once, but think it over. A relationship without parent's blessing usually find a lot of 'rocks' on the journey. Say if your guy has a good potential (he might not rich but he is a hard worker and a good person), you can talk about this to your parents as well. They might have a wrong perspective about this guy. Hope everything will be ok and satisfying every party. GBU.
@dpk262006 (56098)
• Delhi, India
8 Aug 08
Do you have the courage to challenge and confront your parents? If yes, then you may go ahead in your goal. In my view, you will have to convince either of the two, either your parents or your lover. If you wish to convince your parents, you will have to tell them, why that guy is best suited for your life, you will have to come out with some logical justification in regard to that guy. Also, which is more important to you, at this stage, your parents or that guy. One way could be that let that guy's parents talk to your parents about your match. Best of Luck!
@Odamashin (434)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Well for me, if you really love that person and he's making you happy then, i think you have to fight for it..besides your at the right age and can decide for yourself..but still you have to consider why your parents hate him or don't agree to him that much..then you have to prove them wrong of what they think about him.. If you're parents really love you, they will support and understand you with every decision you've made..Our parents are there to guide us but, they should give you the freedom to choose whom to love..and be happy for you are happy with him too.. Money is not everything in this world...Good luck..may your parents mind be enlightened..Good day!
@dawnald (84133)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Aug 08
You can't make your parents do anything. But if he's a good person and sets a good example and treats you right, there's a chance your parents will eventually see that and come around. Best of luck!
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
oh thats really tough. i've been in your shoes long time ago (when i was 16). I fell head over heels to a guy 3 yrs older than i am. We're not that well off and so is he. But we were both in college. I can still vividly remember my mom asking me "what will that guy feed you?" and my dad saying "we didnt raise you up just to hand you over to that kinda guy".... The point is they dont know our guy the way we do. All the nicest things we see, our parents dont see...But dont get me wrong, our parents have the best intentions for us. My man did his best to prove that he is worth my love.He gained the trust & respect of my parents. And thats what ur man should do too. We both finished college and dated exclusively for 9 yrs. Now we're married for 4 years and my parents loved him as much as I do =)) Good luck to you. I hope things will work out fine.
@cjmobxnc (137)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Just go with what you feel in your heart, and if your parents truly love you, they will accept him in the end. They may not like him, but they will accept him because he is what makes you happy.
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
Good day.. First let your man prove his love how? Well, he must finish a degree to prove that he can find suitable work to support you when the time comes. Naturally, your family is thinking about your future and whether we like to think or not, financial stability plays a great part of it. You say he's not well - off, given but that isn't an excuse for him not to excel and assert himself to have a better and promising future with you.
• United States
7 Aug 08
I was in a relationship like that wher emy parents didn't accept the guy i was with and said that there were planty of guys out there.. I was with this guy for three year and then i realized that this guy wasn't the one for me. This guy was also 10 years older than me maybe that was one reason that my parents didn't agree with it.. well i am married now and before i got married to my husband my parents didn't agree with him at first because we meet on the internet and he was a marine. My parents are that rich we liver pay check to pay check... I think that my parents wanted me to marry a rich man so that i could be happy but i didnt want a rich man i wants someone that i loved and i didn't love the for their money.. Well now that we are married my parents don't have any problems with it anymore.. They know now that they can't say anything about it cause we are married and on our own... I think your parents just want the best for you.. I'm only 20 and my parents just wanted the best for me which they know now who is best for my my husband is. I think they just don't know the guy yet or think that you are to good for him because they are lower class people than you.. I think you should just not listen to your folks and listen to your heart..
@insulin (2483)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
oh I'm sorry to hear that..I know the feelin..Well you right,It doesnt matter if he is rich or not as long he can handle you,feed you,and the most important thing is,you both compatible to each other.Thats what is matter...I know parents sometimes thinks what the best for there child but the fact is we have the freedom to choose of what we want..Who cares if his not well off??Well you better go for it girl if your really inlove with him...:-0 Good luck to both of ya and godbless...:-0 You can never bring money in heaven always think that...:-0
@harrywood (114)
• China
7 Aug 08
you want to marry him and he wants to marry you, huh? then you both just do what you want to do. You are both adults now.It's your right to make your own decision. Remember, you will not marry his parents, and he will not marry your parents, either. As wise parents, they will understand you finally. with time flying, wour parents will absolutely accept him.
@lisa0351 (303)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I was in a similar situation as you were. My parents thought that I should play the field a little bit before settling down, and were against me getting married. Well, I did it anyways, and was happy that I did. They eventually grew more and more fond of Brian, and with time everything was okay. By the time I got married, there was no more rift, and everyone got along. I just kept bringing him around my parents more and more, and they saw how much he loved me. I wish you all the lucky, because I know how hard it is, and mentally draining it can be. Just keep trying and dont give up. If you feel in your heart that this man is it, then he is. Don't let anyone else stand in your way. Your parents will want whats best for you no matter what, just prove to them that he is.
• Sweden
7 Aug 08
I think thereĀ“s nothing you can do about it,Just go on what you feelings and show to your parent that your love is right and also you love each other,I know soon your parent will accept your bf.And i know what your parent thinking they just worried about you.They want you to have a nice bf or partner.Sometimes parent become selfish of how they think the happinst of there kids.
@abhaijith (2837)
• India
7 Aug 08
Its really a difficult task.You have no role here,its all in his hands.You just say him about your parents nature and weaknesses etc.And Say him to impress them through his nice behavior and way of talking. Thanks
• United States
7 Aug 08
Love knows no bounds. If you love him and he loves you that is all that matters. I know you want your families approval but they cannot tell you who you can and cannot love. Make sure they know all his good traits and let them spend time together. If they still do not approve then I say go out on your own and be happy. I love my husband and over the years my family has grown to accept him. The best of luck to you. Hope everything works out.
@roypiyas (189)
• India
7 Aug 08
Well dear the things is interfearing here is nothing just social barriers. And dont know why parents always stands as the opponent in that sort of cases. Dont worry. In my case I have faced more problem than you. My girl is not from the same religion from which I belong to. So you know that job was more tough than yours. But the thing is God always supports the braves. I think you should marry that guy you love. Future will be automatically stand for your support. U know no risk, no gain. You have to take risk to make your parents agreed for that relation. Dont think a drop of tear or mental pressure can melt their stone of mind. So I think you should take the risk. But one thing, you have to have the ability to suffer. Because the time period between you fly with the guy and your parent's approval, you have to suffer a lot. So think think and think, which way you want to choose. One with bright future but thorny present, another is dull..............
• United States
7 Aug 08
Do you know why they disapprove? They might have concerns about him that have nothing to do with money, and you might not be able to hear/see them because you're in love with him. That said, it doesn't mean that your parents are correct. They might be having a hard time letting you go or they might just be concerned. You're of age, so it's your life to live. You can't make your parents accept him, and I know, with my parents, that trying only makes the situation worse. I wish you much happiness and good luck with both your parents and your relationship.