Unlucky in love

@mayka123 (10325)
India
August 20, 2008 10:57am CST
I have always believed that I have been unlucky in love. And this feeling has been there from childhood. Have never got emotionally attached to anyone in childhood. Never had permanent friends also. For me it was always out of sight is out of mind. I always felt that whoever I got emotionally attached to would leave me. I was very much attached to my foster mother and she left me when I was just 8 years old. After that it was her younger daughter. But the daughter also got married and went to live in a different place. I was very hurt then and could not understand why everyone was leaving me. When I got married and 8 years after marriage my husband expired again the same feelings came up. I again started going away from people. Then I made a friend who changed me in a lot of ways. He made me emotionally a much stronger person than I was. He proposed to me but I did not agree to marry him. We continued being very good friends and then again he asked me to marry him. I agreed this time and to celebrate the occasion he took me with my daughter and his kids on a holiday. On our way back he got a heart attack and died holding my hand and resting his head on my shoulder. I thought he was sleeping and did not know when he died. So again I was unlucky in love. After that I have started avoiding making friends. The couple of close friends that I have here in my city have been knowing me for many years and bearing all my tantrums. And today both of them have made a very big accusation against me. They say that whenever any friend whether male or female tries to make friendship with me and tries to get closer I find excuses to end the friendship. Both of them know everything about me and also all about my online friends and real friends and whom I chat with. I have been sharing a lot with them. They say that I purposely look for reasons to pick up fights and look out for faults in friends. I have got a nice long lecture from them and now want to hear from you that I am not wrong. Or do you think that they are right and I am really behaving very badly with friends and purposely trying to create problems in friendships? Waiting to hear your views on this.
6 people like this
29 responses
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Hi mayka, [i]I don't really know you but maybe what they are trying to emphasize is you will get a good friends and when you're very close to them you will start to detach yourself since you have your fear that they will just leave you! I do know if I am making a correct hypothesis.. But, it seems that you're a great person..This is life, people come and go and as long as we will continue to communicate them, that is fine, we have to have our own lives so, just move on, continue your life and journey as of course, also do not lose any contact with old and new friends![/i]
2 people like this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
I think what I would like to say that I try not to get too emotionally attached to a person for the fear that the person would leave me one day and I would get hurt. And that way friendships just dont happen.
@nini89 (670)
• India
21 Aug 08
I fell so sorry that your life was an unlucky in love. The circumstances from where you childhood to youth were also a sorrowful life which I cant express , means that I too feel bad about reading this. The people learn from the circumstance they grow up or some people go against that. In your case you were disappointed in every hook and corner for love, so that you are not able to make ou how they might feel about your friendship when you say no or when you run away from love. When you make friends you with all your words and action you make them happy and feel them that you are the besst friend and no one else will be their in your place. When you feel that they are crossing the certain line you avoid that is for your safety you do but the friends dont understand why you do like that. So I dont say that you create problem purposely but the reason create problems in the situation and you yourself make fight in friendship.
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
Hi nini Thanks a lot for the lovely response. You have known me personally for the past few months and know about my limits in a friendship with anyone. I think I just give too much of importance to some people in my life and it hurts when they do not respect my privacy. Sad to hear you say that I create fights in friendship but then I think it is true. All the best to our friendship and may it last for a many more years.
@nini89 (670)
• India
22 Aug 08
Sorry to say that the fight comes unknowingly as the cause of your rsponse to the situation. Take care in future and avoid to revert negatively. Be happy and have a nice day.
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
28 Aug 08
Thanks a lot dear. All the best and happy posting.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
20 Aug 08
here is my opinion. [u know what opinions are like & everybody has one,loli think that u have been hurt so much by people u love that u do that to keep from getting hurt again. it's hard not to. every time u get close to someone u get hurt & i'm sorry about that but u have to keep on trying. u can't cut everyone out of ur life feeling that if u get close to them they'll do something to hurt you.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
But how much do I allow myself to get hurt. Many people have hurt me in the past and now do not want to let anyone close enough to hurt me.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
22 Aug 08
it's up to u to toughen up & quit letting people run over u & hurt u so much. show them a new you!!
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
26 Aug 08
Yes I should start showing everyone a new me. Thanks a lot dear.
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I'm sorry to hear what you have been through. I understand how it feels when we lost somebody we love. The best thing I could tell you is you build a strong fighting spirit against emotional wrecked. I know it is not easy to do that. One thing also is make many friends. Don't just stick to one or 2 as your close friends. When you have lots of friends, you will not be hurt so much when some are gone because you have still plenty who will be supporting you and would be around to cheer you up!!! don't put down yourself as unlukcy.. You are not... you just feel that way because of the experience you had but you can still moved on. Be positive, you can do it... you can still be happy and find yourself lucky in the future.
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
30 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your lovely response. I do have a lot of friends but then there is that one whom you tend to get more emotionally attached to. When I feel I am getting a bit more emotionally attached I just tend to block that person out of my friend circle and I dont let him come close to me or I dont let the friendship strengthen. I think I should be positive and not think that everyone would leave me.
@jinxky (2251)
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
i was not lucky in love too but when i'm thinking it always, it really happens. that's why i just ignore it & i'm just waiting for the right guy to come in hehehe..
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
26 Aug 08
All the best to you dear. May you find the right guy soon.
• India
21 Aug 08
Well I think both you and your friends are correct. You are scared for your friends’ safety and also afraid of getting hurt one more time and so maybe you pick up fights to distance yourself from your friends. but from their point of view, since they know everything about you and yet stick by you, they expect you to behave normally with them…I mean they are with you inspite of knowing about your bad luck, so they also expect that you will not try to distance yourself from them.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
They have no complaints about my behaviour with them. In fact one of them has got so used to my moods that when I am in a bad mood he just does not contact me for a couple of days and then calls up and talks as if nothing has happened. Their say is that I am not trusting the new friends I make and always put a distance between me and them. They say that even if i try to leave them they will follow me till the end of the earth.
• China
21 Aug 08
After reading the passage, I don't think you are unlucky. On the contrary, I think you are really lucky. At least, you have so many friends and relatives to remember. You had the experience. Happiness or sadness, love or hate, that's your treasure. Do you know that in the world, there're many people who have no ability of loving or couldn't find a lover all his life?
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
It is consoling to know that I am much better off than many in this world. Yes I have had a lot of good times too and should be grateful for those wonderful days.
@lixiaos77 (1030)
• Shijiazhuang, China
21 Aug 08
I don't think you can't have a long time friend ship. I believe you are very good, but you are likely to take thing serious. An old saying in our country is " There is no fish if the river is too clear." Perhaps you are very good and be sincere to others, and you expect they are as sincere as you. But they can't be as good as you expect. Be considerate to others, and things will be better.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
Yes I am sincere to my friends and I would expect the same from them. It is when I find that they are not as sincere then I am hurt. Probably I am expecting too much. Shall try to be considerate. Thanks a lot for the kind words.
@nengs10 (3189)
• Philippines
21 Aug 08
In this case, it would be better if you don't think of your expectations to people around you. Don't expect, just appreciate what comes your way. That way, you will be at ease and will learn to appreciate life. Having such optimistic outlook, more and more people will go near you including love.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
23 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your response. I think I should change myself a bit and see things in a different perspective.
@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
21 Aug 08
in my opinion,unlucky people are those who think they are unlucky.Everybody suffers.what u can do best is to smile and move on.one sentence for you:dont cry because it's over,smile because it happened. Good luck. Smile and be more friendly to your friends.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
25 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your reply. Yes I think I should smile because it happened and I have learnt something from the experience. Thanks once again.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
21 Aug 08
That was so sad. I can just imagine why you want to build that wall. I have though some pains before and I have the tendency to build also a wall to guard me from being hurt again. Maybe your friends are right that you are purposely trying to make fights with your friends. but maybe you are just doing it to prevent yourself from being so close to them. Maybe it's your defense mechanism, with all you have been through you have the right to be defensive. But please do try to open yourself again. You may never know who'll come along and maybe he is there to stay.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
25 Aug 08
Yes I am trying to open myself Regarding someone coming along.....dont know if that will happen.
• India
21 Aug 08
as of my knowledge, from the past incidents happened in your life made you to feel unlucky. First of all please leave that feeling in you and start living with a belief that no living being in the world is unlucky and up to now u r in thought that those who comes close to u may leave you early. From now onwards leave what ever happened and start the new life with a belief that tomorrow will be yours and
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
25 Aug 08
With all of you being so kind to me I dont think I should feel unlucky. In fact I am lucky to be having such wonderful friends here. Thanks a lot for your lovely response.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
21 Aug 08
i read your whole story. i must say i am feeling really bad for you. I know there are few people who are always unlucky in life. be it love, relation or anything else. its really a sad life and kudos to you the way you are facing the life with your daughter. But there are still something we can't change in life however hard we try.best of luck
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
25 Aug 08
Thanks for your nice and thoughtful words and best wishes. Just what I need just now.
• Philippines
21 Aug 08
Shucks! That's really sad, I can't however be sure that what I'll be saying will be very helpful to you since I don't really know the entire story, or know you in person. However, from the looks of it, I say you are just developing a case of "Newton's Law". You know, in every action, there's always an equal and opposite reaction. What I'm trying to say is that, you want friends and love ones in your life, you welcome them with open arms and accommodate them in any which way you can, but then, life has been unfair and took everyone from you. That was the ACTION and now, you are having REACTION. You have been behaving like that, avoiding making friends, not getting so deep in any relationship because you are being cautious and you are shielding yourself from future pains and losses again. It's pretty normal reaction to me. It's just not fair though that people are giving you those accusations as if you've never been hurt before, as if you never tried to reach out before, as if you never dreamed of being happy in someone's company before. Well, I'm sure it'll take time, I don't know exactly when you'll learn to trust fate again, but I'm sure you will, there's a time for everything, and someday, you'll be lucky and you'll be happy with someone you love... God bless you.
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
25 Aug 08
My friends are also saying that I should welcome new friends with open arms and not block them away. I think I am creating a kind of a shell around me and do not let anyone get close.
@cybersoft01 (1287)
• India
21 Aug 08
First of all, stop thinking that you are unlucky in love. Unlucky people are those who have never been loved. But you are a great person, people loved you and I suppose those people are most unlucky who have left you willingly or unwillingly.
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
25 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your response and kind words. Just what I needed now.
@ashar123 (2359)
• India
21 Aug 08
I also have the same feelings as I was myself very unlucky in love and whom I loved just left me in silence. I used to have many friends in college and university but today all are so much busy in their lives that I have not seen their faces again. We used to eat lunch, dinners together and today I can not see them.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
26 Aug 08
Hope you do make new friends and forget about the pain of the past. As we move forward in life our friends just keep changing.
@aendzie (571)
• Philippines
21 Aug 08
hi, myka I can be your friend.lol, though I don't know you personally I can sense that you are a great person. I have followed your discussions all through out, I might not have answered them all[coz I have just been here in mylot for a month.lol] but believe me, I always look forward to reading your posts. I find them interesting and sincere. You are a God-fearing person, I think you love your friends more than anyone too, you might have had flaws but it doesn't show. Sometimes we do things unconciously, if they think that way, so be it. That's their opinion,as long as you trust yourself and you know that you haven't done anything to violate any human acts you don't need to feel bad. Friends supposed to trust you and accept you for who you are. They have known you that way, they know your past,should be no questions ask, no expectations. Maybe if you have given them lectures, it's just being you. That's your way to show you're concern. And if they think about it badly, then they just have misunderstood you. You are not unlucky, I hate that word actually. I believe that whatever you think of who you are, then you will be.so if you think positively, good things might come to you too. You teach people how to treat you.and this is my favorite line. Cheer up!
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
26 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your kind consoling words. Yes I do love my friends and trust them a lot. Its just that I am scared of sometimes losing my very close friends whom I tend to get very emotionally attached to.
@guybrush (4661)
• Australia
20 Aug 08
Mayka, your story is really sad, and I can see why you feel you are unlucky in love. It sounds as if you are frightened to get close to your friends in case you lose them - so maybe that is why they feel you are holding them off. I don't think you are necessarily behaving badly - just protecting yourself from further hurt. If your friends are true friends, they will understand everything you've been through and will see there is a reason for your behaviour. Do you think you are purposely picking fights? Maybe you could try taking a breath and counting to 10 before saying things on the spur of the moment - it might just stop you from unintentionally picking fights. You sound like a lovely lady, and I hope your friends are understanding and continue to be good friends and support you.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
26 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your response. Yes you are right that I am scared to loose my friends. I have been hurt a lot in the past and do not want it to happen again. I have some very supportive friends who ar always there for me. Thanks once again.
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
You are not unlucky in love. You should stop talking about that with in yourself. Things happen for a lot of reasons that are hard to understand. People leave you not because you are curse or something, they leave your side because they have something to fulfill with their life. You must learn to let go.
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
I think these are things that I find difficult to believe sometimes and therefore get depressed. I have to learn to let go.
@littleone3 (2065)
20 Aug 08
I don't think that you are doing this on purpose. I think it is because there is something that is telling you not to get too close to these friends. It probably stems back to when you were younger and everyone seemed to leave you. I think that you probably blamed yourself, thinking it was your fault that everyone was leaving you. Somewhere in the back of your mind you may think that if you do let anyone get close to you that something is going to happen for them to leave you again. Having lost a husband myself I know how hard it can be, but you must not blame yourself. I feel you are a strong person and you will be able to overcome this in time.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (10325)
• India
22 Aug 08
Thanks a lot for your consoling words. And sorry to know about your husband. All the best to you dear. I am sure I will be able to overcome this too sometime.