well-meaning words of a friend had good intention but it made it cry...

Philippines
August 26, 2008 11:03pm CST
hi. i have been chatting with a friend online... he made me cry by his straightforward words. "stick and stones can hurt my bones but words can't hurt me"... as the popular saying goes.. but in psychology, it is the exact opposite. sometimes... sometimes, well-meaning friends, mean well but even with these good intentions, it's not enough. they should buffer it still with love and understanding... because careless words cut deep. even, if they accidentally just say it. we are still friends, he apologized and promised to be less blunt. he knows now that all people are receptive to this and he could lose friends over careless words. what do you think by careless words?
4 people like this
13 responses
@pkraj111 (2459)
• India
27 Aug 08
I once felt very bad when my careless words hurt her. She started crying and i realised how much words can hurt others. From then I always been careful with words, friends or not.
2 people like this
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
hi there.. that's mighty nice that you are now careful with your own words, friends or not. words can cut really deep if we are not careful. thanks for the reply.. hope you are still friends with your friends....happy mylotting....
1 person likes this
@nizhama2 (295)
• Malaysia
27 Aug 08
I'm try -as hard as I can- not to make people hurt with my word. I'm very careful about 'choice the right word for the right people'. But the problem is people are very different from each other, and some time I did that mistake, I mean 'wrong word to wrong people'... Anyway he apologized for it, and maybe he will be more careful next time. (another problem in this case is language, if you try to speak or write with foreign language like what I'm doing now)
2 people like this
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
hi. yes, how true to all you said. hehehe... actually, what you said in the last part is true. he is not proficient in english. English is my country's second language and not all people are like me that i can speak English way better than i can ever can with my mother tongue. i find it hard with my mother tongue since we use a dialect in my province which is so so far from the national language... most of the confusion may come from his inability to say it well with typewritten words... thanks for the reply and happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@BriNbai (912)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I think that the best of friends are those who can tell us what we NEED to hear rather than what we WANT to hear. I know your friend didnt mean to blunt and careless and Im glad he apologized. BUT I also think some people just say things to be mean..and thats all bad.THere are people who hurt others to make themselves feel better and thats the kind of people we need to stay away from
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
hi there... actually, we are not the best of friends. we lost touch for a number of years since high school. we recently got in touch with each other. though we were close... the many years of separation, of course, there were things that happend in our lives that contributed to the way we react and say things. his experiences made him blunt. ouch. told him to be careful with his words since not all people are understanding like i am. have you got hurt by careless words? happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4661)
• Australia
27 Aug 08
I think it's often very hard to tell from reading what someone's written whether they are joking or being lighthearted, or whether they are serious and/or being rude. Unless you know the person really well, it's easy to think they are being offensive or insulting - so I try to remember to read back what I've written before I post it, just to see whether someone might take it the wrong way. It's sad your friend has upset you, but maybe he is just a very honest person who doesn't sugarcoat what he says. I hope you'll be able to forgive him and move on together.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
hi there.. yeah... it is.. i know this person.. he is a friend from high school... he could just be blunt. with a capital B... hehehe... yup, we are chatting and explained the misunderstanding. he promises to be more careful next time. happy mylotting!!!
@rubypatson (1842)
• India
27 Aug 08
I agree, we need to be careful about how we speak
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I love my close friends and I know that I want the best for all of them. I know that if I went to a friend and talk about my issues, I want them to be extra nice too with what they have to say to me... but I must admit that I do get a little blunt once in a while... My friend was dating this guy and found out he was cheating on her. She found out just as he was about to get married to the other girl and I can just imagine how painful it was for my friend. Then eventually, she found out about the lies and that he started cheating on her around her birthday week. When all these was happening, I've talked to my friend and she's always crying and very miserable. But then she still gave the guy another chance, though he was already married. They carried on for a while and I just couldn't understand why all the blame was on the other girl. It was her who seduced him, she won't give him an annulment and such... I would always tell my friend that it would be better for her to break all ties with the guy and she would always say she will but she always end up giving him more chances every time he comes around. And then she ends up crying and the cycle starts again... so finally, to really get to her, I just said that I can't help her out anymore about her issue until she does something herself. As much as she loves the guy, I don't think she deserves him and all the misery he's caused her. And that it doesn't look like the guy even bother to make things right and better. I'm just not going to get into more of the suspicions she had about him... but she was just very miserable and I don't like to see my friends cry. But she keeps on insisting that she loves him and he loves her and so I said, "then don't come crying to me when something happens again." We are still good friends but such topic is avoided. Every time I ask her if she still keeps in touch with the guy, she tells me nothing. I know that was harsh of me to say that to her but at that time, I knew that was the only way I could help her. I don't want to hold her hand while she cries over and throws her life away over this guy who can't even commit to her. And take the responsibility for his own actions.
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
It is true really that the people who could hurt you the most are the ones you love the most. I agree words do hurt a lot because it is something that we don't see, we just feel it and it's really hard for us to measure how much pain there is in it if we don't see it. When we have physical wounds it's easy to compare the pain because we could see it. It's like you know immediately it is how less painful is a scratch from a deep wound. I agree that we should be careful with our words because sometimes they're so sharp that it hurts more that anything.
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
hello. words that we speak must be properly chosen, processed and deliver in a way that it wont hurt others. we cant take away what has been said. so its a lesson that we should not be tactless. words can either build or destroy the spirit of a person. people should always keep in mind that a positive word spoken can mean a thousand things but negative words can even kill a person. happy mylotting.
@metschica25 (5407)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hey hey I am sorry your friend said that to you and that would of hurt me too . i have never cared for that saying myself . you know words hurt , and words sometimes cut way too deep . words can take away are selfesteem and can be a form of abuse !
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
27 Aug 08
i agree with you... words can cut deeply into our hearts deeper than anything... that's why the Bible says that our tongue doesn't have bones and it looks insignificant because we can't see it... but it can makes people kill one another... so i always try to think first before i say something... take care and have a nice day...
@mikinikih (201)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I believe words should have some thought put into them, but not so much that the point is missed. So if a person is overly harsh because he didn't think before he spoke, then it's a misdoing, and that person needs to apologize. However, sometimes strong words need to be used to get the point across. For example, I think it makes more sense to say "smoking can kill you and the people around you who have to breathe it in" than "smoking can be bad for your health". If the true dangers of a situation are prettied up too much, then the meaning can be downplayed. So in the end I think it all depends not only on what was said, but also on what they were trying to get across. Either way, all people need to be concious of others' feelings; but it is possible to show concern without attacking. I'm sorry your friend did this to you, and it's good to hear he apologized.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
27 Aug 08
ohhh..I am very sensitive also about careless words! ANd when I will encounter situation like that, i will also talk back and for sure I will also hurt the person! I don't like anyone to hurt me so I will never talk anything hurtful to any of my family and friends so that is why if friends will do that, they will always expect to defend myself!
@cwilson26 (2737)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Yes, words do hurt and bad! My feelings get hurt very easily. I am a very emotional person and also suffer from depression, bi polar, and social anxiety disorder. Just ask my husband and parents how easily my feelings get hurt. Words do hurt, sometimes even worse than fists or hands. :)