Dealing with the death of a member in the family

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My Mother passed away 12 years ago in my arms on August 31st at 11:45 p.m. It was both a painful experience because it felt so "forever" and yet it was also a beautiful experience because I actually saw her leave her body and knew then that we live on. My question, however, is how to deal with the anniversary date of a family member's death? Each year I seem to deal with it differently. Some years I forget it has even passed by and am surprised by that. Other years I set aside the night to remember her, light a candle, pray, look at her pictures, call my brother. Then there are years when I feel angry and frustrated that she is not here with me, but then, she is really. Having lost both parents now, I am a little surprised that I am dealing so closely still with my Mom. Although, we were very close. The anniversary date is coming up within 2 days from now. This year I have been working on a scrapbook and have been looking at a lot of pictures of her life. I have a very sober feeling and still am not sure how I will get through this. I will say that I have felt her presence with me and have even heard her voice. I have dreamed that we were visiting and I was telling her all about what was going on with me. I awake feeling WONDERful...like I really have had a visit with her and it feels so good. Have any of you lost someone close to you? How have you and do you deal with their death date...anniversary? Or do you just forget it? Do you have any rituals you go through? (One time I lit candles, prayed and listened to music all night.) How does one get through these times? I would really like to know. I don't feel uncomfortable talking about it and so I hope you answer truthfully and from your heart. I need the help. Thanks.