Have you lost one of your parents suddenly and if so, do you have any regrets?

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I lost my father when I was 9 years old. We took him to the hospital in the early morning hours, the day before my mother's birthday, because he was so sick. He thought it was because he had a nervous stomach (that's what they called irritable bowel syndrome back in 1969). The intern thought my dad had an ulcer and was going to check it out. We went into the room to sit with him but we hadn't been there more than 3 minutes when he told my mom to get a doctor because he felt like he was going to pass out. They kept us out of the room and the next thing we know, the doctor is telling us that my dad died of a massive heart attack. My sister was devastated because she was always the "daddy's girl". I didn't really understand what was going on...I was very naive and at my age, I had never lost anyone close to me. When it hit me that my father was never coming back the first thing that came to mind was "Why had I been such a bad little girl? Why couldn't I have been as good as my sister, so that my dad would love me as much as her? I am much older now but I still feel that I let my father down. That although he loved me, I was always getting into trouble and disappointing him. Not bad trouble. Just things like putting dead snakes in my aunt's mailbox to scare her, throwing tantrums when I didn't get my way, not paying attention in school and getting into trouble for talking....that sort of thing. But I was never as good a child as my sister. Straight A's, always did what she was told, never lied about anything unless it was to cover my butt. I remember right before he died, I had gotten in trouble at school for talking. My teacher sent home that terrible note teachers always doing, telling my parents that I was misbehaving in school. They were supposed to sign it and I was supposed to take it back. I begged my sister to sign my mother's name on the note and she finally gave in. However, the teacher didn't fall for my carefully thought out ruse and immediately informed my mother. My mom demanded to know who signed the note. My sister and I always looked out for each other and I wasn't about to give her away so I told her it was me. Naturally, mom could tell from the handwriting that I hadn't signed it so she kept on asking. I never told her and got more punishment. However, they never thought about my sister doing it. As my father said, "I know it wasn't Pam who did it. Cathy....we expect this kind of behavior out of her but Pam would never do something that like, not even to cover for her sister." He sounded and looked so disappointed when he said that that it broke my heart even at 9. Sometimes, I still look back on that moment and cry because I feel my father was disappointed in me. I know that he would be proud of me now and of the life I lead but I never got to show him that side of me. That's my biggest regret.