do you make love/relationship "happen" or do you wait for it?

@oyenkai (4398)
Philippines
October 5, 2008 6:39am CST
Looking back, I don't think I was passive regarding how my current relationship started. When my boyfriend was then trying hard to get my attention, I intentionally either made things easy for him or made him work hard - like how he'd have a chance to ask me out and how I answered his requests. I don't think it's good for people to let "destiny unfold" because that's not really romantic if you think about it hard enough. What can be so romantic about something that you did not participate in its conception? Can you attribute your relationship to your acts, or do "leave everything to destiny" because you believe that love can only be love if it "just happens"?
4 people like this
13 responses
@thuhuong (828)
• United States
6 Oct 08
Well, here's my story. I met my husband at a point in my life when I felt love was not what I wanted. I felt steered towards obtaining a career path and I would have been satisfied to be successful without ever having a relationship. Sad, I know, but it was a hard decision on my own which I accepted. Career or Family? I chose a career. I intentionally ignored every possible hint of having a relationship and kind of put myself in a denial towards being in one. My mother seeing this was on a mission to find a partner for me. Funny, my neighbor has a little brother who was a bachelor and he heard about me through her and wanted to meet me. I don't like the idea of going on a blind date but just for the sake of friendliness I met the guy on Chinese New Year. It was either good luck for the new year or perhaps another lonely year. I kind of let myself fall into the hands of destiny here as you say and let it happen. We exchanged numbers and kept in touch everyday by phone, e-mail, in person and have never separated since. It's been 2 and a half years for us, newly married, still the same as the first day we've met and then some. When I look at him, I don't know how I ever thought about a career life but my focus shifted and I followed my heart instead. True, the little worries that plagues us such as bills and getting by is there but with him by my side, the days pass so quick and is more meaningful. If destiny has made it's mark, perhaps it was meant to be and I have not regret it since. It is a beautiful struggle to love especially when destiny defies it. I went with my heart instead.
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
But wouldn't you think that it's wrong to attribute it to destiny? It was you who pulled yourself away from all the busy life just for a single blind date that you wouldn't normally accept ;)
1 person likes this
@thuhuong (828)
• United States
7 Oct 08
Yes, I stepped out of my normal routine and if that caused some stir, it does make you question the universe of where you actually stand. Destiny then is within and I believe I controlled my destiny at that point and ... I still do now. :P
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Oct 08
i believe that everthing happens at the right time so i know that i shouldn't rush things. the best time is God's time so we should learn how to wait for that time to come.
3 people like this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
7 Oct 08
I think that "God's time" should not be taken literally. And we should not rely on God to make things happen for us. That sounds a lot like an excuse the people give themselves - blame it on God, just not on me! :P I don't mean anything offensive, it's just that a lot of people take religious things literally. I'm a full believer of God and of the existence of God's plan and of everyone's fates' carved in the hands of God. But I do not believe that God works in the same dimensions that we do. We were not born to fulfill a blueprint life. We are here to make ourselves.
2 people like this
• China
6 Oct 08
Hi there. I think I am a person who never lets destiny take control. I met my boyfriend through internet and he was on a business trip far away in another country. At that time, we had time gap and he tried his best to call me when I was in the day time, also without interupting my work. What touched me most is when it came to my birthday, he sent a bouquet of red roses! That's not destiny, lol. Ok, back to the topic. I can't leave love to destiny as well as anything else. If I want sth, I will work out a plan and work hard for it. As a saying goes, no pains, no gains.
3 people like this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
7 Oct 08
Sweet! and I agree completely.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Oct 08
i dont think that you can force things that are supposed to come naturally. i mean yes you should participate but alot of it shoudl be destiny, otherwise how do you know for sure that it is true
3 people like this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
I think you can't force yourself to fall in love - that's true. But you can force yourself to go out and go on a date to actually meet someone to fall in love with. If your only path is work-home-work-home then there's no opportunity for you to meet anyone else, wouldn't you agree?
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
For me it just happen, before I used to avoid to fall in love, I just concentrate with my work. But as time goes by I met her at the chat room, we were friends and strange feeling that I never expect that I wanna know her more, and really missing her everyday. I can't supressed with what I feel so I decided to courted her that time, it took time for her to answer me cause I was very far, but I made it a point to text her feeling that I am their with her most of the time. So I decided to see her and be near her. The more I fell in love with her. Now it's been almost two years that is us and happy about our relationship. I think if it's really for you no matter how near or far it will really happened. Love moves in mysterious ways I think! God bless!
3 people like this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
But "deciding to be near her" isn't actually "letting it happen" right? That's exactly what I was trying to say. Some people consider everything as destiny when in reality it's just all "us" - we make what we can for our own lives and that's how it's supposed to be. And I find THAT more romantic. Girls like it when men work hard for them, because it makes us feel special. It's one of the best ways on how we differentiate your feelings from us with the rest of your girl friends :)
1 person likes this
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
5 Oct 08
Not sure why you think that waiting for destiny to unfold is not romantic...I think it is a very romatic thing!!! There are times and places for things to be said, or unsaid. My relationship right now is due to my actions as well as those of my partners, and there is not a lot of romance in it right now. People and times are constantly changing, you cannot force something by talking. I have a friend that is super close and I get butterflies talking to him, but have I discussed everything I feel with him, NO, not yet anyhow!
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
It's just that I don't believe that there is such a thing as "destiny" as how people romanticize the idea. If one's in love, then one has to fight for it and do something about the situation instead of waiting for the stars to fall on one's lap. I don't like it when people say "if it's meant to be then it's meant to be" - it makes me everything feel futile and I don't think people were designed to just "take all the crap" ;)
1 person likes this
@xtinelee (3377)
• Singapore
6 Oct 08
Well, I don't know what to think about love anymore because nothing good ever come out of it. There's no such thing as destiny or whatever either, I think that's just some concept that people weaved out to make their relationship sound more romantic. At the end, you fall in love, live happily ever after, your perfect fairytale... why bother to think about the starting of how love started. Look at all fairytales.. simple and sleek.
3 people like this
@jstmarfz (1499)
• United States
6 Oct 08
While waiting for the right one destined for you, you need to exert effort also to look for him. You are right oyenkai, you need to contribute too but know the limits. How will you know if you just sit there and wait for someone it may take million years..hehe. If you think you met the wrong guy/gal, just go on because in the end you will end up with the one destined for u
3 people like this
@godiane (206)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
I believe that this is a mixture of both destiny and working hard towards his/her attention. I only had one boyfriend, and he came into my life when I just promised myself never to get involved in a relationship until I finish college because I've been burned tons of times. That, I believe is "destiny". Now, I would like to stress that "destiny" is different from "reality". Sure, there will be some points in your life that you'll be bumped into different situations, but it's still up to you whether to ride on to your luck or shove it away. As for me, he felt that he wanted to be with me, and I also worked hard to be with him too despite the odds, so we got together. That's reality. After some time, he broke up with me for no apparent reason, even if I worked hard to keep the relationship going. That's "destiny" because I don't have control of the other person's feelings. Even if I work hard to get his attention, if he doesn't want me anymore, I cannot do anything about it.
• China
6 Oct 08
It's good for you to break up with him. Because if you ar enot sure about your date's feeling, it's better you two are not together for the rest of your life, really.
1 person likes this
@oyenkai (4398)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
Having no control over other people's feelings doesn't really sound like destiny... If you lost your feelings for him, would you consider it destiny as well? If he broke up with for no apparent reason...then I'm glad that you're free to find someone better - someone who is more reliable. Someone who would at the very VERY least explain himself to you when you don't understand something :)
1 person likes this
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
7 Oct 08
Well in my relationship with my girlfriend, the moment I felt that she was special for me, I took action because I know leaving everything to happen by chance and not acting on it when the opportunity arrives won't do any good. So for me it would be good to wait for the tight time and not think too much about finding love because you'll be the one to know when is the right time and when to take action
@yunise (1)
• Singapore
6 Oct 08
Hmm. I believe that destiny is in one hand. So if you like somebody, why not take some initiative? The person on the other end may not feel the same way, but at least you know that you've tried getting your own happiness. Love just happens, this is true. Sometimes you don't know, but there are times you do.
@1hopefulman (36426)
• Canada
6 Oct 08
I don't think too much happens if we don't take a hand in things. Occasionally yes, but not too often. If we want something we have to pursue it. Of course some things come easier than others. I'm happy for you that you made things happen and that all is going well!
2 people like this
@rama80rl (53)
• India
13 Oct 08
I don't know about these type of relationships. I don't know it is good for people . But I respect love . First time I love only one that is my boyfriend(hubby). I love him very much. I think romance is mostly important to our life
1 person likes this