How do you process grief?

I am soooo sorry for your loss!!! My husband passed away on January 10, 2007. I remember the grieving process as being extremely slow. As a matter of fact, I'm still going through it!!! I was numb for the first few weeks. I knew he was gone but the reality had NOT set in. I was only allowed 3 days leave from work. It took ALL 3 days to make the necessary arrangements. Then a sister who had not even spoken to him for over 15 years, attempted to steal his ashes. The one thing I realized real quick was NOTHING stops to give you time to get it back together so I just dealt with my emotions one day at a time. I made a real effort to NOT concentrate on my loss & worked hard to find anything that would keep my mind away from it!!! I found that there were 10 jillion songs on the radio that was our song. So, I began to call friends on my cell phone while driving anywhere. That way I didn't have to listen to those songs that made me cry & I wasn't driving with the radio off & just thinking about how much I missed him. Fortunately I had some really good & understanding friends. I didn't talk about him at all for the first month or so. If anyone mentioned him I'd tear up & they just hushed. I found after the first month or so that I began to want to talk about him. His body was gone but in talking about him I felt his soul was still with me. Some where around 6 weeks I was talking to a girl at work about him & it just hit me that he was NEVER coming back. I knew that ALL along. Yet I had kinda sent him off on vacation up until then. I remember it was a Friday. I spent most of the weekend thinking about how wonderful we had been together & crying my eyes out. It was such a relief to let ALL those feelings out!!! Come Monday, I went back to work in a much better frame of mind. I had friends constantly telling me that I needed to grieve & get it ALL out. I knew that I did NOT need to do that as I would fall completely apart!!! I finally asked them ALL to just LEAVE ME ALONE & let me grieve in my own time. Here it is 1 year & 9 months later & I'm still going through my grieving process. I have good days, tolerable days & sad days & moments that I cry uncontrollably. However, I find that I am finally beginning to have MORE good days than crying uncontrollably days!!! One thing that helped MORE than anything else & I didn't do it for that reason was...one of the girls at work dog had puppies & I adopted one. Needless to say he does NOT replace my hubby, yet the unconditional love he gives has filled a little of the emptiness that I was feeling. He also gives me a reason to get up & go out to play with him which helps keep my mind off my loss. It does NOT make the loss go away. Yet it does fill the spot where some of it resides. I said ALL of this just to say you need to figure out the BEST way for you to grieve. Do NOT let your friends & family tell you when to grieve NOR how to grieve. Grieving is a VERY PERSONAL process. Just try & keep yourself together in public & use your time to YOURSELF to fall apart!!! Remember one IMPORTANT thing...it is OK to laugh!!! Your Dad would NOT want you sad ALL the time. Miss him but don't let it consume you!!!

I feel sorry for you ;-( And as far as ur brother's surgery everything will go on smoothly.. So,please don't worry. All of us are born to accomplish certain task. If god feels we are done with our duties he'll call us himself. We have no choice but to live till then. I can feel your pain. But u life shud go on.. So just live ur life,live every moment. Do good and be good. Keep doing ur duties,don't expect things to happen. I bet you are going to be happy from now on. May god shower his blessings on you. Things will be fine. Trust me :)

It sounds as though you are going through a really difficult patch right now. I know that it's difficult for you but you will come through it. I'm 33 years of age and I lost both my parents when I was about 16. It was very difficult for me at that time but as the years have past, things have become a lot easier to deal with. I will never forget my parents though, they are always in my mind and in my heart! I'm sure that your brother is in the best of hands in relation to his surgery. Stay positive as difficult as things are, you will pull through. Good luck. Andrew

I know it is hard to deal with the lost of someone you love. I have been there before. It takes time though before you can move on. Part of those memories will still cling on and sometimes you cant help yourself from crying. But always bear this in mind your father dont wanna see you cry. He will be unhappy to see you having the hard time living because of his lost. Try to be strong as much as you can. Just asked for Gods guidance and He will surely lead you the way. Whatever happens in our life just dont lose hope and have faith in God. He will never leave your side and for sure all this difficulties that your going through will soon be over.

i'm really sorry for you!I lose my grandpa one year ago and i feel lots of grief for a rather long time.When we lose something,normal people will go through a tough time.But after a period time ,we'll recover from that grief.God bless you and after that storm,you'll see the rainbow!

I feel your pain. I lost my sister tragicaly eight years ago. The greif process is different for all of us. I tried concelling but was asked to leave the group because I didn't see my loss as me being a victum. I just went through the motions for a bit too but then I started to realize that isn't what my sister would have wanted. She would have wanted to hear me laugh and cry and feel joy in life, even if she wasn't there with me in body she was in mind and spirit. You will find your own way but you need to think about the good times as much as you can. You will always miss your loved ones but you need to move on as well.

I deal with grief regularly as my friends die regularly. I don't process the grief well. I tend (or at least used to tend) to be self-injurious as a way to process grief. Now I'm going to go to a therapist in order to deal better with it.

i unexpectedly lost my father, too (april this year; cardiac arrest). it hurts so much especially when you're alone, much more if you're in a crowd who doesn't seem to care/understand how you're feeling.. prayer helps a lot.. cry it all out in prayer asking God to give you a heart that understands and willing to accept His plan and will.. avoid, if you can, having thoughts like 'not seeing them again', 'not hearing their voices again' or 'i could have spent more time/love with them'... we'll surely meet them someday, besides they are in a safer place, in a place im sure they love to stay.. ..prayer helped me.. "o, what paece we often forfeit, o what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry, everything to God in prayer.." hope your brother gets well..i'll pray for you and your family..

Hey Friends, Grief is a natural process that we experience after suffering a significant loss. While grieving is difficult and painful, it does not have to immobilize us. We can learn to be patient with ourselves and with others during periods of grief by understanding what we are going through. I also think grief is not useful to think about it as just do work…….. What do you think friends please post your comments