Did your Father "give you away" at your wedding?

@rocketj1 (6960)
United States
October 15, 2008 11:15am CST
I recently attended the wedding of my friend's daughter. She and her father have always had a difficult relationship. She did not want him to walk her down the aisle. The pastor of our church feels strongly that a father should have this honor. His only exception would be if the father had passed away. This girl tried every way she could to avoid this. She asked a family friend to do it. The pastor did not like that. She said she wanted to walk in alone. Still a no go. So, eventually she did things his way. And all went very well despite this. How about you? Who walked you down the aisle? Did you walk yourself? Walk with your husband? With another person? Both parents? Why did you do it this way?
12 people like this
28 responses
@Not_Sure (29)
• United States
15 Oct 08
My father did give me away. However we had been going through a difficult patch at the time. He was unhappy with a decision that my husband and I made in regards to something in the wedding planning. But he did come around and arrived at the church all dressed in his tuxedo ready to give me away. Now what would have happened if he hadn't shown. I had several family members that would have stepped in for him. My Godfather was in attendance and happy to do walk me down the aisle if I desired it. As far as the pastor...wow I have never heard of a pastor being that involved in the planning. Usually whatever that bride and groom choose to have on this day is up to them.
• United States
15 Oct 08
I agree with you Not Sure about the pastor... I've heard of marriage classes but never someone's intruding on planning. Not every family is happy and not every child and parent get along. It seems odd. I could be a bit of a *itch... If someone told me that - I would have said well the church down the street is willing - Later. :)
5 people like this
• United States
15 Oct 08
Yeah I feel the same way. My wedding, my money and my day. Pretty much deal with it everyone.
3 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
15 Oct 08
She was living in her father's home. He is not physically abusive. He paid for the wedding. She was only 19 and had a bug up her butt. She would have really regretted that someday. And if you want to hurt a man with your wedding, the pastor did not want to be a part of it. She could have been married elsewhere. These were part of his ethical code for participating in a wedding.
2 people like this
@Jessamy (36)
• United States
15 Oct 08
Well I had my dad walk me down the aisle, because thats tradition, but I have 3 dads so I was not sure if I was going to have my real dad or have all 3. It took me a long time to decide, and when I finally decided both my step dads and told me that they would not feel hurt if I didn't have them walk me down the aisle. So I picked my real dad, and it was awesome! I feel that it's tradition to have your dad walk you down, cause he is the one who gives you away. And cause thats you have to ask for their hand in marriage, so for me it only feels right, to have your dad give you away!
4 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
Wow! That was quite a decision to make. It's wonderful that your step-dads were willing to let you choose your dad and that they were very gracious about it. You are a blessed lady! Thanks:)
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 08
Obviously this discussion is for the bride, but I wanted to comment anyway. My wife and I eloped. We did it because that is how we wanted to remember our wedding. It was great!! I would do it again. We went to the justice of the peace in the city where we were going to school. Got married in about 15 minutes and only paid $32 for the whole thing. (For a college kid that was a lot of money). We went back to school and no one knew about it for 2 weeks. I still look back and think of the fun we had doing that. Now we have been married for 17 years and we are doing great!!
3 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I bet that was a lot of fun! We had the traditional wedding and we have often thought of eloping for our 20th anniversary (in 2 years). We want to go to a cheesy little chapel in Niagra falls or something like that. Thanks:)
1 person likes this
@thanujad (405)
• Sri Lanka
15 Oct 08
This is the first time I heard that a daughter having a difficult relationship with a father. Normally daughters love their fathers more than mothers. I love my father and he is my best friend. I always dreamt of walking with my father on my wedding day. And on my wedding day my dream came true. I was so proud to walk with my father.
3 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
It's sad to say, but I know several young women who do not get along with their dads. It was not the case with myself. Thanks:)
1 person likes this
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
15 Oct 08
yes, but i wish that both of my parents would have given me away because i am an only child and i think it would have been nice, plus, of course, i was raised by both parents... why do ministers do that? why do they feel it is 'their wedding' and feel the need to take charge? my hubby and i have been to a plethora of weddings (we have been married for 20 years plus hubby is the sound guy for our church as well) and hubby and i were in one wedding where the minister took ownership of the wedding like it was his! crazy!
3 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
15 Oct 08
The pastor has some rules if you want him to marry you. He also requires premarital counseling. By doing a ceremony, he is standing with them in their vows before God and does not take that lightly. They could have chosen to be married elsewhere and he would not have said a thing.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Oct 08
I honestly think it's your friend's choice, not her pastor. I got married in a court house without my biological father or step father. I've never met my biological father and my step father and I never got along... my mother divorced him just 2 years ago for cruel treatment if that gives you any indication on how he is... If my pastor, priest, whatever told me I needed to have this person walk me down the aisle - I'd immediately start looking for a new pastor or venue to get married in. If I were to have a traditional wedding... I would've had no one walk me down the aisle... My wedding consisted of 9 people including the myself and groom. It was intimate and personal. We had a reception later in the year for all our friends and family in which my biological father and step father were not invited to.
2 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
15 Oct 08
He was performing the ceremony in our church. She was 19 and still living under her father's roof. Obviously, he would not have said a thing if she had the ceremony performed by someone else in another place.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 08
So there a no other churches with the same religious affliation in the area? If it's that important for her to get married at ...19(?!) without her father ...perhaps make other arrangements - that's all I'm saying. Usually pastors help you along. But apparently and I'm going to assume it's because of her age... is why he is asking her her father to be there... for approval. If that is not important to your friend - choose a different route. Obviously.
2 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
15 Oct 08
That's what the pastor figured too. He told her how he felt and she could have chosen to go elsewhere. Personally, I think she was way too young (not numerically but psychologically) to get married. They went through the pastor's premarital classes so they knew how he felt about it. I cqn see how this must look and I appreciate your opinion on the matter. Thanks:)
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Oct 08
I walked by myself. There was no way in hell I was going to let my jerkwad of a father have any acknowledged honor in my wedding. I would have liked to walk with my mother, but we never talked about it and she was in the ICU on my wedding day, anyway. I was absolutely miserable to distraction. I barely remember my wedding day at all and I just wish the whole thing never happened. I should have waited until she got better.
2 people like this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I think I have spoken with you on another wedding discussion that I had. I'm so sorry to hear again about the way things turned out with your wedding. I hope your marriage is doing well!
• United States
20 Oct 08
Lol sorry, I didn't mean to digress like that, sometimes I can't help it.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
That's ok It seems like it was a big disappointment in your life. That's something that was important to you and it's highly understandable.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
15 Oct 08
I think that it's somewhat unusual that a Pastor, these days would question a bride's choices for her wedding. Where was this wedding held?
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
15 Oct 08
Check out some of my responses on page 1. Thanks:)
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
16 Oct 08
i must have deleted u by mistake when i was going through deleteing some people unless u deleted me. if u didn't would you send me another friend request? jo
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Ah! That explains it!I just left you a comment on your profile page. Glad to be back!
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
16 Oct 08
thnk you. you are a good girl.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
16 Oct 08
Hey....I try!
• United States
15 Oct 08
If I was her, I would of went to another church or got a different Pastor. That Pastor has alot of nerve making that decision for her. If she didn't want her dad to walk her down the isle then that is her choice. The father must of done something really terrible for her to make this choice.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I think she was just really young(19) and very immature. She could have gone elsewhere but didn't. So she had to follow the wishes of her pastor if he were to agree to marry them.
• United States
20 Oct 08
If the Pastor really thought she was too immature then he shouldn't have married her. If this was an example of how she likes to deal with issues and how low she will stoop just to hurt someone when she is upset with them then he should of just said no, you are not ready, sorry.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
That's very true. I don't know why he did what he did really.
• United States
2 Nov 08
I am getting married next year, and since my grandfathers have been such a big thing in my life I am having them walk me halfway down the isle and my dad will be standing at the halfway point facing us and they will hand me over to him at that point and they will go to their seats. I know this is a strange way of handling things, but my moms father didnt like my dad when they got married so he refused to attend the wedding or let my grandma or my aunts and uncles go. My dad walked my mom down the isle. I am giving my grandfather a chance to walk the closest thing to my mother down the isle since he didnt chose to do so 26 years ago with my mother and father. Then I couldnt leave my other grampa out so I decided to have one on each arm!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
3 Nov 08
That is so very sweet! I hope that your grandpa now likes his son in law! Thanks:)
@teedyboo (56)
25 Oct 08
Hi rocketj1 My dad did walk me down the aisle, such as it was - we got married in a suite in the Waldorf-Astoria in New York and our 'aisle' was the distance from the door of the sitting room (I think it was a sitting room anyway, or some sort of dining room but without the furniture!) past the eight chairs on which our families were sitting to the other side of the room. Probably about 10 feet in total! ;oD We didn't have a chance to rehearse either because we weren't told which suite it was going to be in till about two hours before the wedding itself and by that time I was in the hairdressers chair being made up. Dad and I just sort of shuffled along fairly slowly as our string trio played 'Here Comes the Bride'. It was a beautiful day but it was over MUCH too quickly! Best wishes, Teedyboo :o)
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
3 Nov 08
That sounds just wonderful! Yes, it goes by much too fast! Thanks:)
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
25 Oct 08
I think a minister at my church walked me down the aisle when I got married.. My dad did not attend my wedding, so he did not get the chance to. I would have loved for him to have this opportunity. But, he does not act like a father to me. It is sad, I know.. But, he caused this on his own self..
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
3 Nov 08
You are right. It was really a loss for him, wasn't it? Thanks:)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
My parents gave me away on my wedding and it made it much more memorable. I wouldn't have had in any other way. I was crying when I walked done the asile, I wasn't planning to but it happened anyway. I think my parents were teary eyed, too .. it was a surreal experience
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
Oh, how wonderful! Thanks:)
@cjfoust (614)
• United States
20 Oct 08
We had a traditional wedding. My dad walked me down the aisle. The funny thing was, after the ceremony was over, people were asking me if I was breathing really hard. I busted out laughing. My dad was breathing so hard before we had to walk down the aisle, I didn't know if he was going to make it and everyone else heard it! I think he was more nervous than I was.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
That is so sweet! and Funny! Thanks:)
@vanities (11375)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Oct 08
nope it was not my father who give me away when we had the church wedding..it was my mom..since it was during that time that he had gone working from another city and never comes back to us even now at this very day..
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I am glad that your mother was honored to do this even through the difficult circumstances. Thanks:)
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
16 Oct 08
My father walked me down the aisle and gave me away. I never thought it would be any other way. He was so cute too. He told me right before we went down the aisle, "When we get down there I am going to kiss you on your right cheek." It just struck kme so funny that he wanted to plan the affection so as not to appear awkward. It was all really lovely.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
18 Oct 08
That sounds so very sweetThanks for your response:)
@sacmom (14316)
• United States
16 Oct 08
No, no one gave me away, nor did anyone walk me down the aisle as my husband and I eloped. Though if it had been a formal wedding I would have wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, even if our relationship isn't the greatest.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I often wonder what it would have been like to elope. I would think that that would be exciting! Thanks:)
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
16 Oct 08
my parents did not show up nor did his parents show up to my wedding this hurt me so bad but thats ok we got married any way and stayed married 20 years.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I'm so sorry that you have those memories of your wedding. I'm glad that it lasted 20 years!
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
15 Oct 08
My father walked me down. But I don't like the idea that the pastor pushed her into doing that. For all he knows there could have been some kind of abuse or something. Her wedding, her choice sez I.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
20 Oct 08
I don't think that that was the situation. He knows the family very well. But you are right. It does seem really pushy.