How do you coop with your mother in law?

@zalilame (880)
Malaysia
October 17, 2008 6:42pm CST
Hi mylotters. How do you find your mother in law? Can you live with her? I am living with my mother in law right now and I need to get out from here. My son became very stubborn and hardly listen to me. Whenever I scolded or advised him for doing wrong, my mother in law is always siding him. I don't really get to enjoy educating him. Help me on this. Plus I can only move to another house next year in January.
4 people like this
20 responses
• China
18 Oct 08
If you feel that it's difficult to living harmony wiht your mother in law.I suggest you finding a new house,move to there along with your son.the elder spoil a child always.If your son grow up in such environment,some bad habbits is difficult to change. What is your spouze's opinion?
1 person likes this
@teshavill (278)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
Hi...reading your question and knowing your situation made lots of memories flashed back.Before,it made me think that mother in laws are always contras of their son's wife.She would always opposed what I was doing for my husband and for my kid.I even lost my self-esteemed because I felt I was not effective of being a mom.It came to a point I had to do what was right for me then...it was to TALK to her...I was scared and cried a lot and even told her she was not helping me build my family but instead,tearing it apart.As expected,I received lots of blah,blah,blahs.she felt I was disrespectful.But that talk helped.It's just a matter of explaining my point.A heart to heart talk with mother in law will do...Now,i'm still the queen of my family
@teshavill (278)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
Hi...reading your question and knowing your situation made lots of memories flashed back.Before,it made me think that mother in laws are always Contras of their son's wife.she would always opposed what I was doing for my husband,for my kid.She was not capable of approving anything I do for my family.I even lost my self-esteemed that I was not an effective mom.It came to a point I really had to do what was right for me then.it was to TALK to her...It was so scary talking to my husband's mom,I cried a lot and even told her She was not helping me build my family but tearing it apart.As expected,I received lots of blah,blah,blahs.She felt I was disrespectful..But that talk helped.It's just a matter of explaining my point.how about a heart to heart talk with your mom in law...Now,i'm still the queen of my family
@zalilame (880)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 08
Hi. Its good to know that someone really understand me. I cannot stand people that always says be patient and be patient all the time. Its okay to say be patient but receiving head nod doesn't look that they understand you much. Thank you so much.
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
My daughter's school provided a parenting seminar and I quite remember what the speaker mentioned(the speaker was anthony pangilinan): It I think, more or less went like this... Mom,Dad-I respect you---you did your share with your son/daughter, now we are building our own family...allow us to build it with love and respect.
@sev123 (45)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I can understand. On one hand you are living in her house and she probably feels like whatever she says should go, however, you are his mother and it is your job to disipline your son. You need to discuss the situation with your parnter first, then sit down toghther with your mother-in-law to explain your reasoning. She might get upset at you but being a mother herself she probably will understand. However, if she is the overbearing type she might become angry with you, this is why your partner should be there with you. Don't let your son be a part of the discussion. He probably has already learned that misbehavior in front of grandma is acceptable because she will side with him. Grandma needs to be on your side so that your son can learn that certain behavior is not acceptable under no cercumstance.
@zalilame (880)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 08
Thank you so much. You really did comfort me. Thank you again.
@chingbeem (910)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
I know,its tough. But Im afraid the only solution is for you to be tough yourself. When I got married, there were times that we had to stay with my mother-in-law. Although we had our own pad,it was still connected to the main house since,we just transformed their den into a room and added an extension for the kitchen,dining,living room and toilet. Whenever I scolded the children,no one is allowed to interfere, least they will get the scolding too. I made it clear that they are my children and it was only my husband and me who will handle them. Im quite lucky that the kids were basically good when they were younger. But there were times they needed some scolding. Act fast-you allowed your in law to interfere, get out from it. Be tough,but give love.talking helps.discuss the issue with the in law. Living with her,doesnt mean giving up your duties as a parent.
@zalilame (880)
• Malaysia
18 Oct 08
Thank you so much for the help. I felt I really needed that. At this moment I felt really sad that my son doesn't listen to me. I will stay strong until I move out of her house. I will make myself closer to my son. Thank you mylotters for all your support. It really touches my heart to have help like this. Thank you again.
• United States
4 Nov 08
You just need out. There's no other solution that I ever found. I lived with my mother n law off and on for 6yrs - couldn't stand her. We bumped heads constantly. She was always interfering with my daughter and our choice to home-school. She had to know what was going on with us at all times. It was crazy! Now we lived almost 2hrs away and life is so much better. We're all one big happy family again. Its just being in constant contact with anyone puts a strain on the relationship, just like marriage.
@Nhey16 (2519)
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
as a married woman, i didnt experience what you were experiencing right now with your mom-in-law because she's already deceased. but when she was still alive, so far, we didnt have any arguments, maybe its because we didnt live with her, which i think i was fortunate. in your case, its really hard to teach your son and let him understand you if there will be another person who keeps on siding with him. but i think its better that you could explain to her your side, being a mother, it may be hard but at least you could point out your opinion to her.
@Hatley (164647)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Oct 08
hi zalilame My mother in law, now long deceased, was a lovely p;erson but I would never have lived with her as two women under one roof do not often get along. If I were you I would sit ma in law down and have a serious heart to heart talk. tell her this is myson, and I am the one to discipline him, you have done your good deed withyour son, now its my turn with my son, so please do not interfere. thanks, I love you mom in law".
@marciascott (25555)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I use to like my Mother-in-law but not anymore. She is just as phoney as she can be.
18 Oct 08
You are by no means alone ,there are so many women who find it difficult to interact with their mother in law well.The problem is that Mother in laws sometimes forget that their son,their baby has now got another woman in their life,and they will still constantly refer to Mother for advice,and I would tell my son that he must go and discuss things with his wife/partner,if he needs to have a general chat then a Mum is a good safe bet,but any major decisions need to be between husband and wife,I think that the Mothers who are unwilling to leave their sons to lead their own lives are wrong,they need to back off and go about their own lives.
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
18 Oct 08
Take heart and be patient the remaining few months will pass soon and then you will be in your own house. Just make sure it will really happen. Grandparents are really soft on their grandkids, much more lenient than they were with their own children. In the meantime when your mother in law interferes remind her gently that this is your child and you should make the decisions. Once you move, only go to her house by invitation and insist that she can only visit when invited unless it is an emergency. If you rely and depend on your mother in law for babysitting and other help you will experience some interference because she will think she has the right to do this since she is helping you.
@brando10 (175)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
It's really hard to be living with in laws. In my case, when it comes to decision making I end up going with the mothers decision. Sometimes it's frustrating that I need to work up on thing just to please her. I'm not generalizing but it is true. Also, my kids are more attached with her. I would still work on things with her. Maybe its just another perspective to look into.
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
18 Oct 08
ten you need to talk to your mother in law and lay down the law. tell her you are the child's mother and you are responsible for raising him, not her and that she needs to butt out of the situation. hang tough and stand up to her or it will only get worse!!!!
@xialvti (15)
• China
18 Oct 08
I haven`t married .But I think that she must be very love her guandchild/guandson. That is normal human feelings.So I suggest you should communicate with them morely.After all ,your are household.
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
hello zalilame, Living with mother-in-law is really hard for you don't have freedom at all. Even you're doing right, for them you're still wrong. The best solution for that really is to move to another house as soon as you can while there is no gap happening yet between you and them. This way, you can do everything from desciplining your child to decorating your house. No, my mother-in-law was not with us but my father-in-law stayed with us for almost a decade. Have no problem with him at all. In fact he did the laundry, cooked food, took care of our three small kids while were not around and all.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
18 Oct 08
hi i understand how you feel but my ex mother law she was the sweetest mother law i ever had i love her dearly.so there are some good mother in-laws out there try to be patient until you move in january.my daughter says i pet my grandson when she trieds to discripline him for doing wrong.iam sorry i love my grand son i know she have discripline him i just don,t want watch her do it.
@kalianju (138)
• Nepal
18 Oct 08
hi zalilame, my mother in law is like my mom. she is caring and loving, she loves me so much. i think i am lucky that i found such mother in law.
@reddbone (48)
• United States
18 Oct 08
Well I coop great with my mother in law. Yes I can live with her. And My children always listen to me no matter what and my husband is great he would side with me at all times we discipline our children whenever they don't listen and I have no problems out of my mother in law.
@Shar1979 (2723)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I dont have a problem with my mom-in-law. she treats me like her own daughter and she don't tolerate my husband if he did something wrong or he's being unfair. when my husband and i are having an argument...she wont go in between us. she will let us talk about our problem. she'll just tell us not to make our fight long
• United States
17 Oct 08
I understand where you are coming from. Im back at home with my grandparents, who adopted me, so are legally my mother and father. I have a three year old daughter that I try to educate and discipline and cannot while living with them. I cannot move out until February.... But, as far as mother in laws, I DIDNT deal with mine, thats why we are not together anymore, me and her son.