this hurt my feelings

United States
October 23, 2008 4:43pm CST
I do volunteer work for the juvenile court, and today I had to call my supervisor to discuss a case. Now, I should mention that I do not have a lot of friends, and I like my supervisor a lot and have thought of inviting her to lunch or something some time in order to try to develop a friendship with her. But I am kind of shy and have not been able to convince myself to do that so far. Well, when I called, I said, This is Kelly, and she said, Oh, hi! Are you free for lunch tomorrow? I was so surprised. I said, I guess so. I said, I was called to talk to you about so-and-so. Then she said, oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were Kelly the case worker. So she wasn't inviting me to lunch after all. But it hurt my feelings. She could have said, would you like to do lunch some other time? But obviously she didn't want to have lunch with me. I guess it's good to know that because now I know not to ask her. But it hurt my feelings. I so suck at making friends. Kelly
6 people like this
17 responses
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Oct 08
hi poetkelly thats a hard one, maybe she didnt realize how thatsounded to you. dont let it hurt you though, as she was' either not thinking or just a thoughless supervisor. I would try again, tell heryou would love to have lunch with hersome othertime. then if she says no, just let it go as others there'I am sure, would love to have lunch with you.
2 people like this
@CAdreamer (118)
• United States
24 Oct 08
Hun it always hurts to be rejected. And she probably didn't know you liked her. We all have fears and such, but what makes it easier or seem easier for others to make friends is that they dont let their fears control them. I am one that can strike up a conversation with anyone. I didn't always used to be like this. Know what I did, I looked at myself, then I looked around. I decided that I wasn't going to let my fear control my life anymore. Do you know that while you are afraid of rejection the person you are talking to is just as afraid. If everyone would keep in mind that the people around them are just like them, they cry they laugh they get hurt, then we wouldn't see them as more than our equal. No better no worse. It always helps me when I get nervous and want to talk to someone to just start talking about something anything even the economy which we all hate. You work with her, try striking up a conversation with her about something that pertains to yoru field but that isn't specifically work related. And like I said we all suck at making friends at parts of our lives. Just relax and know that you who you are is worth knowing. Keeping that in mind makes it a little easier.
1 person likes this
@june50 (111)
• China
24 Oct 08
Yes, it really hurts. I think she's not kind to you.but take it easy. you will find your good friends. Just forget it and keep easygoing and optimistic.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Oct 08
That's really sad,I can understand as to how you might have felt. Some people lack even the minimum level of manners. It really hurts sometimes. Anyways,just take it as an experience. Even a fool can teach u a lesson,he'll teach u as to what u should not be doing. So u be careful that u don't do such things to others even unknowingly. Good thing is that it all happened before you invited her. Just take it as an experience. She doesn't deserve your genuine friendship. Relax anf get going!! U'll rock
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Oct 08
i think she was not at all correct in way of talking.I think she should have thought of other ways.it may be a problem for her, but it is not at all correct
1 person likes this
@kenchihi (121)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
Oh, come on. I don't really see any reason to feel sad over this issue. It could be that the your supervisor was meeting up with the other Kelly for official business, so there is really no issue on this. I mean, there is no reason to be jealous over this issue. She didn't ask you for lunch for some other time perhaps because she is busy and she has other things on her mind besides food. You could definitely invite her for lunch some other time. Even if she rejects you, doesn't mean she does not want to make friend with you. Life is complicated, you need to be less sensitive to the little little things in life. :) I hope you understand, cheers!
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
24 Oct 08
i can understand your feeling kelly... i will feel hurt as well if i were in your position as i am also a sensitive person... i don't like people to ignore me nor do i like the feeling of being rejected... anyway, please don't lose heart... keepon trying and hopefully one day you can develop a beautiful relationship with your supervisor... who knows??? good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Oct 08
ive never been very good at making friends either. i honestly dont know if i would have the guts to be the one to make the friendship "move". my feelings would have been hurt too, but you have to move on. dont dwell on it, that will just make you even more miserable. you could still try inviting her to lunch though. i mean if you two seem to get along well and you think you do have stuff in common with her, or perhaps there is another volunteer that you could invite. dont forget to keep your eyes open to more ppl as potential friends than just her...you never know there could be someone you work with who has been trying to get up the courage to invite YOU to lunch!
1 person likes this
@joehnyn (11)
• Malaysia
24 Oct 08
lets it go....it's doesn't matter to you..?
1 person likes this
@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
24 Oct 08
Well, P K I would not let it bother me, and I think that I would still invite her out for lunch. Sometimes we have to make the first step and she probably did not realize that she hurt your feelings.
• United States
23 Oct 08
No worries, I would still try to give a shot at asking her to eat lunch with her some other time. I would just give that a shot. Sometimes though bosses do not like to go to lunch with people that are under them. But hey, it wouldn't hurt to ask her.
@debby28 (89)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Making friends can be tough, just be your self. I am sure you are a very nice person and if she dose not want to go to lunch with you, then her loss.
1 person likes this
@Reesers (1387)
• United States
23 Oct 08
I understand about your feelings being hurt but I wouldn't give up so fast. Maybe she had a lot of things on her mind and she just didn't think about asking if you'd like to go another day. Unless she's given you some other reason not to ask, go ahead and do it. If she still says no, that's fine. There are other people out there who I'm sure would love to have lunch with you.
1 person likes this
@paidreader (5151)
• United States
23 Oct 08
Hello and welcome to MyLot poetkelly. I'm sure it was just that she was expecting a call from another Kelly and you shouldn't feel slighted. If I had been in your situation, I would have been worried that I was in trouble if my supervisor had to talk to me during lunch. It's just not something that happens usually in the work place. Since you are a volunteer, not an employee, you could still ask her if she'd like to share lunch sometimes & see if she will. Best of luck.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
24 Oct 08
poetkelly, I think this is just a matter of your own interpretation and I feel that you should not hold to it. I mean, what is your supervisor going to say when there is something more impending than to ask you out at another time? She has already wasted sometime for mistakenly taking you to be the other person whom she wants to meet over lunch to discuss some official matter. So, the least she could do was to hang up quickly and move on. Now as for you, the same could have been applied from the moment the phone was hung up - think nothing of it! Await another time and opportunity to invite her again. I think in life we should be over critical to what is around us. Pay attention to details and tactfulness although is a needed plus but it should not be confused for being over critical like you did here. It will just add the negativity in you and I believe you could see that it is affecting you on how you get along with others. Your over reaction has always led you to second guess people and things wrongly, perhaps you should start to ease up and be more kind to yourself. Relax a little more and take it easy. I am sure you will find that making friends isn't much of an issue after all - you just need to put your foot gently forward and another one step at a time. Cheers and have a nice day.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
24 Oct 08
hi kelly she probably like you more then you think don,t be so hard on yourself it,s going to be ok. people are just cautious these days about making friends.i knew a girl i use to date her brother years ago haven,t seen her in years ran across her we started talking on the phone she would call me and i would call her but somthing was starnge about her.well my family had never met her so i wanted my family to met her so i had a party for her nothing big just with cake and a few mixed drinks and dinner guess what she never showed for the party i had for her, now this really hurt my feeling she finally got enough guts to call and she said she was sorry her boyfriend was drunk and she couldn,t come.so i invited her only to about 3 more gathering she never showed for either one i forgave her for all of the excuses she gave and finally i deleted her out my phone now i know why she does not have any friends so now i really don,t try to make friends anymore because iam a good person and iam honest and i don,t want people in my life that is mean and dishonet and lairs.so maybe one day i will find a frend thats like me and want the same sort person in their life.sorry so long.
@Chevee (5915)
• United States
24 Oct 08
Hi poetkelly. By you being a shy person , that might be why you are thinking the worse. You might be taking this the wrong way. Sometime people speak before they think. She probably didn't mean it the way you took it. Don't give up so easily, just sit back wait and observe things a little more before jumping to any conclusions, you might be missing out on making a friend. I wish you luck in making friendship with this person.