Married and in love with someone else...

November 2, 2008 8:00pm CST
Before I got married seven years ago, I met this wonderful woman (let's call her Janice). We hit it off immediately and needless to say, I fell in love with her. I nearly broke off my engagement with my fiance but I hadn't had the courage to do so because the marriage preparation was well on its way (add to the fact that we've been boyfriend-girlfriend for the past 4 years meaning I'm already dead committed). Also, I didn't know if Janice felt the same way. To make the story short, I got married and remained friends with Janice, without my wife knowing it. I intentionally didn't introduce her to my wife to avoid complications. Until now, I've kept communicating with Janice (she's still single) and through the years, I've got to know her better and I fell for her even more. It's painfully hard. Every single day is am emotional torture (being in love with someone else). Anyway, about a year ago, since I cannot conceal it anymore, I told Janice how I felt. The whole shebang! But I made it clear to her that I didn't expect anything in return. I am married, I have a family. I have no intention of having a romantic relationship with her. I just had to tell her how I feel because if I didn't, I will go insane. She didn't say how she felt about it (I kinda pre-empt her I guess), she just said, "if only". "If only" I was free. A couple of days after that, we sent nothing in our emails but lyrics of songs about lost loves ("Secret Lovers", "It's Hard to Belong", "Be My Number Two", etc). Back and forth. I'll send one and she'll send one back, with the same themed song. We're still communicating until now. She's now in Dubai working. Still unmarried. And, my love for her is stronger than ever. A love that won't find its home. Emotional torture. Every single day. Every single minute.