Stay with the one who loves you, or going back to the one you love?

Philippines
November 6, 2008 8:02pm CST
"Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you, or are you going back to the one you love" While riding a cab this morning, I heard this song on the radio, and I was just thinking if I am at this situation, who would I choose? thinking about it, is so hard really, as much as I would readily chose the one I love, but staying in one sided relationship can be exhausting :-) but in the end I would chose the latter :-) How about you guys what would you do if you're in this kind of situation?
3 people like this
21 responses
@tessah (6621)
• United States
7 Nov 08
being in either relationship is "one sided" whether yer with the one you love that doesnt return the sentiment.. or being with someone that loves you where yer feelings arent the same as they. both are unhealthy for everyone all around. yer either being hurt because the one yer in love with doesnt love you back.. or yer cheating the one that loves you from being with someone that will love them as they deserve. hard situation, yes.. and the only real solution.. is to be with NEITHER.. and walk away from them both. *nod*
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
:) A better choice ^-^
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
That's a very cliche topic. I've been hearing this for a lot of years now, even during my college days. And still I for one don't really know the answer nor have decided which side I would most probably be in. It's difficult indeed to force yourself to someone whom you don't really love, and it's equally difficult to be in a situation where you love the person but the person doesn't love you. I actually did a survey of that statement a few years back involving my close friends and peers. The result of the survey is quite amazing. I discovered that answers varied with the gender of the person. Generally, when I asked guys they'd always prefer Going back to the one you love. On the other hand, girls preferred Being with the one who loves them. With the informal survey I made, I was able to come up with a hypothesis or a theory: a. Men tend to lean to the thought of going back to the one you love since they are the primary movers in the relationship. They're the ones who do the courting and the approach (Though I certainly don't think that's the situation now-a-days because more and more women have shifted the general concept of courtship). So, they'd rather work to do their best to woo their love. Yes, they may also think that being with someone who loves them would be great. But they are more keen to appreciating something or someone that they earned. It's the ego of man to appreciate the person they pursued after than someone who just came along to pursue them. Well, I might be wrong though, but I see the ill-effects of women pursuing men everyday and the joys and lasting relationship of those who pursued their wives instead of the other way around. b. Women are the ones who wait for someone to approach them, generally. They're the ones who, even though they find someone cute or appealing, would rather wait and pray to the heavens that the person would notice them. Again, I'm trying to stress that that's generally how women are (or had been since as I said, times have somehow changed now-a-days). Thus, women are more inclined to feel or adjust better knowing that a person loves them instead of waiting for the one they love. I've also come to know since I am a woman that pursuing a man who doesn't love you is a waste of time and effort since, more often than not, we'd end up trying to please the guy knowing that anytime he could leave to find someone else! And honestly, it's tiring in the end. So, in conclusion, regardless the circumstance, it's generally like that for the sexes. Times may change and so does the social rules governing the people involved, but that has always been how things have and I've seen that mere efforts of changing such has proven ineffective and sometimes more destructive than following the norm or the path that has been tested over the years. Oh, by the way, for me personally, I'd rather be with the person who loves me. Provided that there's nothing in him that insults me or keeps me from falling for him eventually. Love could be learned. Pursuing something or someone who doesn't see anything in you only leads to heartache and regrets in the end.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Wow! great response :-) yes I've come to realize that now that as a woman it's easier to be with the person who loves you coz it will spare me from being hurt. thanks for the reply...happy mylotting
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
[i]Oh I love Glenn Frey's The One You Love. I like the melody and the lyrics is really sensible too . Well, if I am in that difficult situation, I would choose the former, not the latter. It's because I find it easy to fall in love to someone who really loves me. You know, it's really hard to find someone who really loves you, I don't like the idea of begging someone to love me, I'd rather he loves me so much and when I see that, I'm sure I will come to love him back. Both choices are one-sided but at least with the one who loves me, I have a bigger chance of making it two-sided, I only need to teach myself and not the other person. Nice discussion here! Happy mylotting![/i]
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
Yes especailly us girls, if the guy would persistently show us how much they adore/love us we usually give in and let our guard down. Thanks for the reply
• India
7 Nov 08
i would see which of the two is my kind of a person and proceed with that one.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
Its one of the question that try to avoid time and again. But since this mylot, hwy answer it here. Anyways, I've in that situation many times. I myself were once blindsided with love. Never really accept that the relationship that was two way relationship now happens to be one. Never believed that he has fall out of love with me. That the who was "YOURS" is now isn't. It hurts. But At rather be with someone who I really loved although a one side thing, At least I can still fool myself of believing otherwise.
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
It must have been hard for you maggi2687 but I think your brave for taking the risk in love ..thanks for replying
• Philippines
19 Nov 08
Love is actually a risk...
• India
7 Nov 08
I am not in this situation but i can suggest you .the person who loves you is better to select than the person you love . if the person loves you your life will be happy.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
But it's not a guarantee also that being with the one who loves you even if you don't love the person will make you happy. Maybe it will make your life easier, being spared from hurt and pain.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
thanks for the reply...happy mylotting
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
We know that time heals wounds, but I think time also molds one's heart. If I were in that situation and I hope I am...LOL!!! (never experienced a love so complicated)...I won't be in a hurry and let the love flow, grow or die in whatever direction it might be coming from. True love survives the test of time. If you ended up with nobody now, don't fret, there's still tomorrow. Maybe the right partner hasn't come yet.
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
"Time molds one's heart" like that You should feel lucky that you haven't experienced a complicated love ....thanks for your reply...happy mylotting
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
hello there? may i know what is the title of that song? because i like listening to it but i don't know its title.. thanks!
• Philippines
18 Nov 08
The One You Love by Glenn Frey....Happy Mylotting Christianjane and welcome
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
this is really tough one, i had been in this situation years ago and at that time i chose to be with the one i love....yeah we got married and had two kids and all that---only for me to find out he's been cheating me all the 7 years we were together---so we got a divorce and that's that. then again, it's really a case to case basis---there is no one size fits all pattern in love---we got to take our chances..... so for now, i'd say i would have to make sure that the person i choose to love, loves me back, if not, loves me more---otherwise, it's gonna be another waste of time....
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Sorry for what you have been trough..Yes there's always a different love story to everybody Lucky for us who found someone who we love and love us in return with the same intensity.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
7 Nov 08
in any case it will be one sided relationship.i think the relationship where you are supposed to spend the life with another, is not at all very good. there should be feelings from both sides. its difficult to answer
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
i guess your right but think of the situation. working gurl is asking our opinion on what to choose the one who love you or the the one you love. basically it does not necessarily mean that we are not taking into consideration the feeling of the other person. in fact we are, imagine being with someone whom you do not love would just mean that your not being fair to him but as the feeling develops you will realize that its better that you are with someone who loves you much rather than someone you love because that someone you love may not love you back or may not equate the feeling that you have for him.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
hi working gurl, i will gonna stay with the one who loves me. because as a woman i want that my man loves me so much. i also know myself that if one shows me that he loves me much i can easily love him back.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
You know after reading all your responses here, I changed my ans. I would chose the one who loves me, becuase I realize that it's easier and spare me from a broken heart :)
@diillu (5128)
7 Nov 08
Yes, staying in the one sided relationship is really exhausting. We should always be with the one who appreciate our presence not with the one who takes us burden. I'm talking from the personal experience cause I was with the man I love for a while and he never appreciated like my current bf. He loves me alot and I'm so thankful that I'm with him. We should always think about the people who loves us then the people who we love.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
Good thing that you are now in a relationship that appreciated you much...I'm happy for you :) thanks for the reply
@rberon1985 (5394)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
Wow, great discussion, this is depending upon the situation, if I think the one that I love still loves me, of course I would go back to her. However, if the situation is different I would say stay with one one who loves me, and I will give my very best to love her back. I will show her the love that she is showing me.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
your reply made me think what slash23 said that gender is one of the consideration in making a decision on this kind of situation :-) thanks for the reply...happy mylotting
@slash23 (102)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
Hi workinggurl! Good question! :) IMHO, gender might be a consideration too. Judging from the relationships I've witnessed so far(including mine), if you're a girl, it's better to plunge into a relationship where the guy loves you more. :) I mean, I dunno... i believe that over time, women almost always "learns" how to reciprocate the love that a sincere guy is offering her. I know of some friends who experienced that and are now really happy with their partners. Now, I'm not saying that you give every guy who courts you a chance. Of course, there should also be an attraction first, right? Now it would be another story if you're a girl and you love someone who doesn't love you back. A guy might give the relationship a chance but there's always this big probability that there will come a time that he'll look for another woman. But then again... we really can't generalize. After all, each person has his own love story to tell. ;)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
That's what I thought so when I ask that question in my mind, gender has significant in considering the decision.
@ronnyb (6125)
• Jamaica
7 Nov 08
Most people would opt for the one they love because thats what our heart dictates .The problem is however ,that the one we love sometimes doesnt love us and in an effort to detach from us ,treats us bad .We know that we would be treated better by the one who love us but the heart always wins over the head. Maybe if we learn to love the one who loves us then that would be the ideal situation.Many persons are trying to do the reverse, forcing the one we love to love us.I would try this at first but if it doesnt work,then I would go to the one who loves me
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
Yes it's really true almost all of us would choose the one we love hoping that the person will love us back but we'll just be dissapointed in the end. But it's so hard also to teach your heart to love the person who loves you as what you have said the heart always win over the head...thanks for the reply
@n30wing (4771)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
I have been that situation. It wasn't that easy for me. But I did not chose the one who loves me. Cause it's been years I waited and still nothing happens, it was all heart aches, and it was very traumatic for me, and I just don't wanna remember anything about us anymore. I know I'm falling in love with someone now, but still can't say I just let it flow and I just hope it works out this time. Let time tell I guess, even though I wanna spend my life with her. Have a nice day!
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
thanks for the reply.. Whatever you have now hope it will really work for you, goodluck
• United States
19 Nov 08
I am currently in this situation right now and I have been looking around for advices on what to do. It's really really hard to make up my mind. I have been with a guy for 5 years and we had the best of times together and he loves me so much but on our fourth year I have met this other guy and have fallen inlove with him. The five year one I have still stayed with me even if I made a new relationship with the other one and the other one year one accepts the fact that I have a boyfriend until now. They have both come to the conclusion that I need to chose. I feel that I can't I love them both so much. The five year one have a bond with me and He had built a foundation with me and he's always been so good to me all these years. While then the other one I have fallen in love with I am also more romantically attached to him and he showed me how much he loves me also. Both of them loves me so much but I believe that the five year one loves me a little more than the other but I am inlove with the one year one more. To top it off when we had a conversation with my five year one, he said that he could not bare the fact that if I chose the one year one, that he could not be friends with me anymore..Even all my friends are confused and they can not answer me.I feel like I have found the love of my life but in two guys.. It hurts so much... I can't break up with anyone. I am very afraid and I feel like I am in a rollercoaster ride that dropped and never stop falling... It just hurts so much to decide I do not know what to do? I feel like I am on the edge and I need help...
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
it depends upon the person and the situation.. if the one i love knows nothing but to act like a kid believing that i am always with him to understand..or if he is just a lazy man just waiting for the food to come from the sky..or a man that mouth is talking like female chicken or a proud man who knows nothing but to blame his fault to other people..well i would not stay with the one i love. but if the man who loves me knows how to respect people and knows how to handle the situation good or bad..knows nothing but to understand and respect me.. im glad to say i will stay with the one who loves me..
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
If I am a single woman and has a chance to love again I would rather choose the last. The feeling of being in love with the guy you really love was so different to the one who loves you. In a reason of the one who loves you he will give you all the choices you've made for me no more challenge. And the life was plain simple for it has no color or something inside that make my heart beat fasts. While if I could have a chance of going back to the one I love I could still feel the romance of always young and happy whatever life maybe.
@Daffodil20 (1754)
• India
7 Nov 08
If I love someone who doesn't love me the way I do and he wants to be with someone else then I would like him to be with the one he loves and wouln'd want to be the second (or third,fourth fifth,fiftieth) best. I would rather stay with the one one who loves me the most and would try to do the same. This way two people would be happier.