Forgive and forget-easier said than done

@meme0907 (3481)
United States
November 10, 2008 9:50pm CST
A lot of my friends here know I've been through trouble w/ my siblings & the man I called daddy-it's my Christian responsibility to forgive but I find it very hard to forget.With the holidays so close I've been missing my siblings & nearly everyday I long to call them & just say "hello,I love you" but I know we wouldn't have much to talk about so I leave it alone. Any advice on how to approach this? I do get an email every once in a while but that's about it & mostly it's just a forward email nothing specially for me. Maybe I should just have my memories & not spoil things further or if I do try to gain a relationship w/ my siblings I'm afraid of opening myself up to heartache.Not to mention only one of them calls me-once in a great while-the others don't even call & I have 6 siblings. I've called them in the past but it's an awkward conversation sorta like talking to a stranger. Any advice is appreciated TIA
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10 responses
• United States
11 Nov 08
I do not know about siblings as but I do know about children. My daughter stole from me while I was seriously ill. She put two of my dogs to sleep after I was in the hospital for 6 day, also bought $18,000.00 worth of jewelry from QVC on my visa card, then systematically cleaned out my bank accounts. Her excuse was that I was "supposed" to die so why wait until she inherited my assets. I did forgive her as my faith tells me to let the Lord deal with her. Sadly she took that for thinking I was an easy touch and continued to try and steal from me. Even going to far as to try and stop my release from the physical rehab nursing home in was in for 4 months. So IMO forgive yes but forget NEVER!
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Nov 08
What your daughter did was criminal and she belongs in jail.
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@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
20 Jan 09
I'm so sorry for what happened to you-I bet even though it hurt alot you are a stronger person now. I must say I'm agreeing with you forget never it's just so hard for me to really feel "I forgive" even though I'm saying it & trying to make steps to communicate w/ my siblings. ty for your very thoughtful insight :hugs:
@4mymak (1796)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
hi meme, i am sorry to hear about your relationship with your siblings.. i think the fact that your are still in contact (every once in awhile email).. shows that there is hope.. if talking to them is awkward.. then short emails would just be fine.. jokes, short stories - even forwarded emails would work just fine, i think.. just add in a short comment of your own, for a bit of 'personal touch'.. i think... over time.. when you are ready.. the comments will become longer.. and who knows.. you might be actually writing mails to each other.. i always believe that saying 'blood is thicker than water'. good luck!!
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@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
9 Dec 08
hey 4m, well, since I started this discussion I took advice given & my younger sister has sent me some pics of her son via email but that's about it. It's more than before & maybe we'll never be able to speak again (I'm prepared for that) but she knows I love her. I sent all my family that I had an email addy on an ecard for thanksgiving & one read it so i guess that's a baby step forward maybe since they are speaking to each other one will mention it & they'll get the drift. thank you |:)
@4mymak (1796)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
hi meme, i am sorry to hear about your relationship with your siblings.. i think the fact that your are still in contact (every once in awhile email).. shows that there is hope.. if talking to them is awkward.. then short emails would just be fine.. jokes, short stories - even forwarded emails would work just fine, i think.. just add in a short comment of your own, for a bit of 'personal touch'.. i think... over time.. when you are ready.. the comments will become longer.. and who knows.. you might be actually writing mails to each other.. i always believe that saying 'blood is thicker than water'. good luck!!
1 person likes this
@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
22 Nov 08
Hey 4m, well I started out by sending an ecard for Thanksgiving to all ny siblings who have given me their addy & so far one has read their card-so we'll see how it goes. thanks for the cheer up ((hugs))
@subha12 (18453)
• India
11 Nov 08
its true. its easier to say than done. it needs lots of gratness and patience. But the angers must be controlled also,.
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@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
13 Nov 08
I'm not really angry per say w/ my siblings it's more like I love them but i don't like them-as much as i miss them when i have gotten the chance to talk to them I feel like I miss the person I remember from childhood not the person on the other end of the line. i want to be friends but it's soo hard b/c of personality conflicts & they support the man I called daddy & I really loathe him plus other things.
• United States
11 Nov 08
You're right that we need to forgive, but God never said forget. I've forgiven my father for things he's been accused of doing to my sister in the past because I needed to in order to grow personally in my faith. But forgetting would be irresponsible because it could mean putting my children in a position of danger. So forgive over and over and over again, but you don't have to forget. What's wrong with calling and just simply saying, "I called simply to say I love you." You don't have to have a long drawn-out conversation. You can try first in an e-mail. It's much less intimidating. If you're going to move past this, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable to rejection and heartache. But I'm betting they're going to want to build a relationship up again with you as well, especially if you're letting bygones be bygones and trying to move on. Starting over is hard and of course it's going to feel awkward. New relationships are awkward. But with time, things become more confortable as the relationship builds up again. you'll always have that empty feeling if you don't at least take that first step in contacting them and at least trying. And maybe they don't call beacuse they feel the same awkwardness you do. Maybe they're scared to. Keep praying about it. I hope you can be at peace with your family situation soon, whichever way it goes. God Bless!
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@meme0907 (3481)
• United States
12 Nov 08
I am afraid of having my feelings hurt again & even though i know i shouldn't i always worry about them running my name in the ground-i love them & i sorta feel like they do love me (I know my younger brother loves me he just has alot on his plate plus he's friendly w/ our other siblings & they can be back biters) you're right i do have an empty feeling without them-going from having such a large family to living in a town far away from them all. I pray for them to find happiness & God's path- hopefully that will mean we can be friends again as well as brother & sister. Thank you & God Bless |:)
@jencai (3415)
• Philippines
19 Nov 08
Me too. I could forgive someone but to forget is a hard thing to do. I don't know, but this is me. It's just like a lesson learned from such experience. I would not forget the past because it would become part of my present and future. From this, I would apply what I have learned in life. Is it not right? What do you think? Am I wrong for this?
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• Philippines
17 Nov 08
Forgive but no one ask you to forget. It might sound as if the two words are together but their not. Forgive and forget is a two hard thing to do. It all takes time. Forgiving takes time, so is forgetting. Its not something that you've taught and will actually do when you wake up in the morning. The more pain/hurt you've became the more hard forgetting is. Take one step at a time. Although its awkward try to attend the Holiday's dinner. Its hard for you, it might be also hard for them. Your family. its much easier(as they say) to heal with them. Observe them, If they really regret that mistake and if they try to change for the better of your family. Again, things really depends on how you feel. If the is still fresh and still bleeding, just stay put and try to heal yourself. Alone if that what you want.
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@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
12 Nov 08
I find it easier to rekindle lost relationships in e-mail instead of over the phone. That way you can say what you want or need to say without hearing their immediate reaction, and also gives them time to think over what they want to say back. If they don't want to speak to you or hear from you, then they can just ignore your e-mail or not respond. But if you get a response then that's a good sign and you can work to rebuild your relationship with them.
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@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
11 Nov 08
I am new here and also I am unfamiliar with your plight. However if you find it in your heart to forgive someone that is up to you but you cannot forget what happens as others here say that would be foolish and open yourself up for a dangerous repeat of abusive behaviour directed against yourself. I hope you have other family that are normal and you have a good relationship with. All you can do at this point is to send cards at Christmas and birthdays, and give short phone converstions that you were thinking about them and wondering if they were doing ok. You can only control what you do and think, not other people.
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@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I feel the same about my Sister she was born after I left home and had kids of my own. Now very hard to talk to her IF she ever answers her phone or calls back. She dont email If you wait for them to call they probably wont , put a hard shell on and take the chance again! Guess talk to them like starngers to get to know them again. Me I call my brother and sis on thier birthdays! my brother has got where he calls me on mine now and we email each other some times. I send him jokes and he keeps me up dated on our mom and how things are going up there.
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